PLEASE READ AND LEAVE ADVICE

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
PLEASE READ AND LEAVE ADVICE
4
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:55pm

OK..here is my prob..Joe as most of you know is my significant other..we have been off and on over the past 2 years . We have Blake together he is 7 months now ...


well before i met joe all his friends were female ... fine no problem . Well his VERY VERY best friend was female as well lets call her "JENN" well Jenn ended up getting married haing a baby also..when Joe and I met Joe told me he was in love with Jenn when he first met her and he thinks this woman can do NO wrong...I am serious..anything she says to joe..he does it..She tells him "treat April nicer..do this for April do that for April" and the big ass does it...now me on the opther hand..I beg and plead with him to do somethign really small liek CHANGE HIS KIDS DIAPER..and he flat out refuses..He still hasnt changed a diaper . Ok well I have met Jenn and her family and I just adore them..they are great!!! But I feel like they are Joes friends and I dont really fit in that little click of theirs..Joe and Jenn both smoke I do not.so when we go to their house Joe and Jenn will go outside and spend half an hour just smoking and talking . I dont mind him being close to her..jealousy isnt a matter here as far as him cheating or whatever,,.I know she would never go there . (He would if she would give him the time of day) I get mad because I am left in the damned living room with the kids and end up staying there all friggin day while Joe taggles along after Jenn and her hubby...I just dont have a place in that relationship and I am prefectly fine with that..I am always encouraging Joe to go visit them for a weekend or whatever (they live an hour away) and he always wants me to go.we just got into an arguement because of this and I told him Im not going because I really just dont want to...All it is for me is

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:19pm
Oh man April...what a mess.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:54pm
Hmmm....

April- You can't have a secure relationship if standing up for yourself means creating a huge ruckus. You'll end up (if not already) resenting him, and vice versa. It's a GIANT mess. I don't smoke and Rob and lots of our friends do. I go out with them, avoiding the smoke. Although, I can honestly say that if I tell Rob I don't want to go somewhere, he may ask another time or two but then he drops it. Tell him you need some time to yourself and let him know that you're NOT going to become a built in sitter. If you want to stay home, stay home, and call his friend yourself to let her know that you're sorry you can't make it but you need a weekend to relax. If he DOES listen to her, then she may be able to get him to get off his high horse. I have been known to sic friends on Rob when he won't listen to me. ;-)

Lotsa hugs, and I hope it all turns out well.

Mel

Avatar for jenfir2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 3:05pm
Hi April,

How are you? I didn't realize you and Joe were having these problems, I am so sorry to hear that! What is this hold that "Jenn" has over Joe anyway? You said that you adore her and her family, well why don't you call her up and mention to her that it is too stressfull to pack the kids up for a visit and have her mention that to Joe.(or some other reason why you shouldn't go). Maybe if it is coming from her he'll listen?

I am so sorry to hear that he doesn't listen to you, you don't deserve to be stuck in a controlling relationship.

You got my e-mail address, if you need to talk give me a shout.

hugs,

Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 3:32pm

LMAO./.JENN..notice I used yourn name..your name is the first thing that popped into my mind HAHAHAA...


Thanks girl..Im glad you are around..we dont have alot of problems..it is a very mellow quiet relationship he just annoys the crap out of me most days . And yeah he is somewhat controlling and as Shawna said..its more like I am afraid (sucky excuse I know) of being a single mom again..it was the hardest thing I ever did when me and exhubby broke up and I only had 1 child..And I dont have a high education I do have working skills and I will do what I need to do to take care of my kids but I am just in a comfy situation now...I am sure Joe feels the same way..I am his house wife basically make sure he has clean clothes and a meal on the table in exchange for a roof over my kids heads and a couple of extras . It is depressing when I word it like this but I am a bit of a drama queen so its really not as bad as it sounds . People have it much worse than I do so I am done complaning . Thanks for responding and I hope to see you around here more!! HUGS