first crisis and it's a big one

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
first crisis and it's a big one
4
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 7:51am
In a nutshell: didn't hear from Jeff since Friday when I sweet email came my way. Finally heard from him on Sunday afternoon. This is what I was told, he had been dealing with a friend all weekend and just dropped HER off at the airport. When I asked if he was OK, he told me that he was very tired and confused. But he also said not to worry. He also said he would talk to me on Monday. Need less to say I didn't see him on Sunday.

He has not ever given me a reason not to trust him. He has always treated me with respect, honesty and has cherished me in everything we have done. I am facing a huge fear right now. Not only do I have to chose to trust him and not believe what has always been seen from guys but do I want to fight for him. There has not been a formal committment but it has been implied.

OH and because I am unbeliveably stressed I am not keeping anything down. YEAH IBS...lost 2 pounds in one day. Telling you got to love stress and IBS.

I will tell you that this is where I am in my choices. I am trying very hard not to explode over this. I understand there is no formal commitment so I can't "fuss" TOO much about it, but there will be a formal something or another tonight. Part of me wants to fight for this. Part of me wants to tell him to bugger off. I am leaning towards fight for this but....

I guess I am sharing with ya'll because I know you will be supportive about this and also I will hear different views on it. I can tell you my friends are advising me to be open minded and wait and see. First time for this as well.

Anyway...That's my Monday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:03am
Hmm he was tired, confused and dropped a friend off at the airport.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:09am
You are right on that and that is what I am planning on. The only thing that has bothered me is that there was a night they were together. BUT they hasn't been a formal statement of committment to date only each other. It was simply going that way.

I am trying very hard to trust him on this. I really am. But it is hard when you look at other men in either your past or just around and you know that their actions would have been totally unacceptable.

I am going to tell him that he did hurt me by not calling and letting me know and that I am scared. Goodness this has been my fear from the beginning was losing him or the whole idea of trusting someone completely..not just someone a man.

I am truly trying to be mature and open about this. I will tell you that I am afraid that I did do one thing sincerly in the beginning but liked the perk of hurting him a bit. I KNOW BAD KARRIE BAD. I left a voice mail that simply said that i knew he didn't want to talk until today but his voice sounded so hurt that I wanted to make sure he was ok and that if he wanted to to let me know if he was ok. I really am concerned by the tone I heard in his voice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 9:05am
Hi Karrie,

Give him the benefit of the doubt. Talk to him and ask him about it, but don't sound like you're accusing him of anything or make him feel like he needs to be defensive. I know you've had bad experiences before, but not all guys are like that. She's probably just a friend or an aquaintance, and he probably has a legitimate reason for not telling you about her up front. Trust is important. I know it's still early in your relationship, but you don't want to lose a good thing because you didn't trust him when he probably wasn't doing anything wrong. I would definitely talk to him about it and let him know how you feel, but be careful about putting him on the defensive. You both need to be open and honest for this to work. It's hard, I know, but it is so worth it if he's the right guy for you. Good luck and I'll be sending positive thoughts your way :) And congrats on your 2 pound loss!

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 9:16am
I am trying. The red head in me wants to beat him black and blue. I really care about this guy and I don't understand myself. Silly stupid me sent an email to him asking basically I don't understand but are you OK.

So far, I am running every sceniro through my mind and seeing the logic in all of them. I am starting to calm down a bit. But you are right it's time to put the cards on the table, which adds to my own fear. Goodness, have to trust the guy still and tell him how I feel!!!??? What is this world coming too?

I do know that if we make it through this that it will do nothing more than make it stronger.