taking some time away

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
taking some time away
35
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 8:38am
yes, it was as bad as i thought and i have a lot of thinking to do. i am under a lot of stress and i am minimizing as much as i can. i'll be lurking but ya'll i won't be posting.

good luck, congrats and hugs to everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:14pm
He's not horrid at all. He is a good and sweet man. I can see growing old with the dork. I am trying to pull myself out of this dump, but I can't seem to move yet.

He asked for some time to sort through everything. I asked how long and I pressed him and he said 2 weeks. The deal is if he doesn't call by the 12th then I am. I am not waiting past that. Though I might press him a bit Saturaday evening when we are at the party. I don't like this not knowing how he is doing and I don't get why he isn't going nuts trying to figure out how I am doing. I am first choice but sometimes you have to wipe the cobwebs a way before you can see your first choice. I just don't understand how he can say that he knows it would be forever with me and then asks me for 2 weeks. He kept saying that he wanted to be 100% with me and that we were just slowing things down. OK, what the heck does that mean. I do know that guys mean what they say but heavens what in the world was that???

I have almost made it through the day without crying but I can't hold the tears back for much longer today. By the way, if telling me that he knows it would be forever and he would be happy with me and being the guy and meaning exactly what they say, then I would be the first and last woman he would ask to be with forever. I am half wondering if Jeff is trying to get through that as well.

I feel like a part of me is gone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:24pm

ok you may have gone all day without crying but your gonna make me cry

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:30pm
I think that he has the baggage he needs to get rid of and the fact he knows I am not playing. He has only been in love once, never engaged, married to his job and well at 40 and never been married you wonder what he is afraid of besides he wants a happy marriage and doesn't see one with his friends. This other gal has been in an OFF and ON relationship with him for 8 mths. Tell me if you don't just walk away from that. When we started to date, he truly thought it was over and was moving on. She found out about me and got on the fastest plane down here. I just don't understand telling me what he has and then telling me he needs 2 weeks. Do you know he begged me to go to the party this weekend? WHy in the world does he want me there so badly. Telling me I am going to sit by him and have dinner and drink a little and laugh...hello I may through pasta at him and juct cry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 5:11pm
Karrie...........I'm so sorry you're hurting.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 5:22pm
To help pass the time, and to help you understand to a certain extent how a guy's mind works, check out some of the books written by Dr. John Gray. His books are basically the instruction manual on men. He has excellent advice on relationships and has a guy's point of view and reactions described perfectly. It definitely helped me while my husband and I were dating, and still helps now five years into our marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 5:31pm
OOooh yes, his books are very good!!!
 
Avatar for angelinoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 6:07pm
If he really cared he should have told you ahead of time that his ex was coming to town and staying with him. At his age he should know better. It takes a few months to really get to know a guy, they can act they way you want them too.

There's a song that i like with a verse 'there's a difference between lonely and lonely for way too long'. I've read a few times you mention marriage and kids just because that's what u want don't settle for the first guy. And i don't get why u would go to the party, make him go by himself you shouldn't be on his beck and go out with your friends instead. Just remember that the first few months of a relationship we go through with rose colored glasses but when something like this happens we need to take the glasses off and think about things. It's obvious that you care about him, you've stated it several time and i think almost all of your posts have mentioned him..lol..Good luck and get over being depressed and get pi$$ed. You're the wrong party so it's HIS responsibility to make it up to you and show you that he's worth giving another try. Hopefully you weren't the rebound girl or he's not a player but there's guys out there so seem great but are users..i've been friends with players they are great friends but terrible in relationships.


Edited 3/31/2004 7:09 pm ET ET by angelinoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 6:21pm
All I am going to say about this post is that you are entittled to your view but next time ESPECIALLY in dealing with me a bit more tact would be welcomed. I am not patient enough to be nice at this moment. Therefore, a response from me would not be beneficial to keeping the polite peace of this board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 6:41pm

Karrie, Im not sure why you are getting upset at Angelinoh over her post.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 6:56pm
First and foremost...I am not going to the party with him at all. I am going alone. He doesn't want me to back out of it...not go with him. I wouldn't go with him right now anyway, I might cut it off. As a former player, he is not playing me. He didn't know she was coming into town until she called and said I am coming tomorrow.

Also, I am not some little thing that will sit back and let any man walk all over me. If at the end of the 2 weeks it doesn't end the way I think it should or he has not made up his mind. I am walking away. I have already made my mind up about that and he knows it.

No, it didn't rub me the wrong way. I didn't like the implications or the tone I precieved in it. IfI don't like how it is presented to me I am going to snap back. I don't mind how you presented it to me, Shawna I understood that you are saying it out of concern because the tone was there. However, I didn't read that in the previous post.

Good grief if I wanted to settle I would take my ex fiancee back.

My heart and my mind are saying the same thing. Don't worry I am not looking at this with rose colored glasses on. He has faults just like the rest of us and I am not going to judge him on that at all. I know he can be a dork and I know he is a sweet and kind person. I also know that he is caught between 2 people and it is going to be hard to make a decision. I also accpet the fact that he needs time to understand the implication of his statements to me. I am just very impatient and very scared.