self esteem crushed by little brat....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
self esteem crushed by little brat....
38
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:44am
OMG, You wouldn't believe what some kid said to me! I have to preface this by saying that I live in fear of hearing comments about my weight, although I really haven't had it happen very much. I teach high school, and to their credit I have NEVER heard one single kid in that school say anything rude (not where I could hear it, anyway!) But yesterday I picked up my daughter from daycare, and this little boy, about 4 or 5 years old looked at me and said "You sure are fat." I was so taken by surprise that I looked back at him and said rather coldly "You sure are rude." He looked astonished and said "But I say that to my mom ALL the time!". YIKES!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 10:25am
Thanks all, I feel better today. Yes, yes...the innocence of children and all that...but at least I take comfort in the fact that he's probably going to think twice before he says THAT to someone else now that a stranger has pointed out that it's rude. I feel sorry for his mom...or maybe I don't, if she lets him say it. Mostly I'm curious to find out if she really IS fat, LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:31pm
Did she say that the parents DID tolerate it? Not going back to re-read her post, but I don't recall her saying these parents tolerated it. Small children haven't learned to hold their tongues, or to be dishonest for the sake of being "nice." Apparently this little child just said what he thought, and that's not being "rude" so much as it is not being enculturated yet. Just think, if you saw a woman with an ugly baby, would you go up and say "what an ugly baby you have." Of course you wouldn't. If she asked you what you thought of her baby, wouldn't you say "cute kid." Probably. We learn that as we grow older. Is it a good thing to learn to NOT ALWAYS tell the truth? Probably not, and in fact we send our kids double-messages. On the one hand, we want our children to be truthful and on the other, as you say, "I know my parents would NEVER have tolerated me speaking to any adult the way this kid did." So which is really sadder (more sad). Is it more sad (as you say):"It's sad that this kid's parents do tolerate it." (Of course, whether they did tolerate it or not, I don't know). Or is it more sad that parents send their kids double messages? Your call. Personally, I was raised in a "children should be seen and not heard" environment, a long time ago. But I would never punish a child for being truthful about anything. But that's my call. Anyway, the child isn't a problem here. No adult should get their "self-esteem crushed" by "a little brat." If we as adults can be crushed so easily, by a word from a five year old, then it's the problem of the adult and not the little child. And why call a little five year old baby a "brat" for telling the truth, as he saw it? It's not reasonable. Yes, we were all five once. And before calling children names for acting five, that might be a good fact to remember: we were ALL five once.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:36pm
Either way, he's just a five year old little child. And truthfulness is something most parents want their five year olds to practice. Sure, he could learn some "interpersonal communication skills" but for an adult to say her "self-esteem" was "crushed" by the words of a five year old child seems rather odd on this end. If anyone should have held his/her tongue, it should have been the adult correcting someone else's child and labeling him "rude." It's up to parents to correct or discipline their children, and not up to an unrelated adult to do so IMO. Anyway, it's over and maybe the over-reactive adult can get "un-crushed."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:58pm
And maybe she was doing this child a favor by correcting him since *maybe* he parents wouldnt.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 5:29pm

I'm sure she was sincerely hurt by his comment, whether he was five years old or twenty doesn't matter.

 
Avatar for angelinoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 6:31pm
i think you handled it great =) it's too bad that some parents haven't taught their kids manners and that you had to go through that
Avatar for jess9802
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 7:46pm
Funny, I would describe enculturation as a PROCESS, one that begins at home when a child is taught the Golden Rule. The fact that this child, at the age of four or five, doesn't think there's anything wrong with telling a stranger that she's fat BECAUSE HE SAYS IT TO HIS MOM ALL THE TIME means his parents have failed at one of their most basic duties: raising well-mannered, polite, and considerate children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 9:18pm
I just want to say, as an English major, that "enculturate" isn't a word. :)

Sweet dreams everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 9:51pm

I just can't not jump in on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 2:21pm
If the parents didn't "correct him" perhaps they didn't feel he needed correcting. It's not the place of outside adults to discipline or correct other people's children. Not ever.

If she thought the child needed "correcting," then the "correct" thing to do would be to take it up with the parents.

And whether she called him a "brat" to his face is not at issue. What adult calls a child derogatory names, just because the child told the truth (as he saw it). That doesn't speak well for the adult.