self esteem crushed by little brat....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
self esteem crushed by little brat....
38
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:44am
OMG, You wouldn't believe what some kid said to me! I have to preface this by saying that I live in fear of hearing comments about my weight, although I really haven't had it happen very much. I teach high school, and to their credit I have NEVER heard one single kid in that school say anything rude (not where I could hear it, anyway!) But yesterday I picked up my daughter from daycare, and this little boy, about 4 or 5 years old looked at me and said "You sure are fat." I was so taken by surprise that I looked back at him and said rather coldly "You sure are rude." He looked astonished and said "But I say that to my mom ALL the time!". YIKES!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 2:25pm
Rely,

This is hardly worth dwelling on, but in response to your post to me....since when do adults get their self esteem from children? And since when do 5 year old children have the power to "sincerely hurt" adults not related to them.

Self esteem comes from within, and shouldn't be dependent upon what a child says to an adult. This is silly.

And no, it's not appropriate to call a little child a "brat" just because he was truthful. That's retaliation, and normal healthy adults don't retaliate against 5 year olds. No matter whether she said it to his face or not. Adults don't call children nasty names.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 2:28pm
Children have a habit of being truthful, until they are taught (by society, by adults) to be untruthful. No need to punish a child for honesty. And no adult would (or should) ever have his/her self esteem crushed by a 5 year old, no matter what the 5 year old said. Adults are generally, well, more adult. And self esteem comes from within, it's not conferred (or taken away) by little five year olds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 2:33pm
Well, you should tell Webster then. Here are multiple dictionaries for you, and I've linked to the definition (in several dictionaries) for the word "enculturate." Live and learn, English major, that "enculturate" is indeed a word (and if you take a social sciences class as one of your electives you will learn all about enculturation). Here's the link: http://www.onelook.com/?w=enculturate&ls=a
Avatar for jess9802
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 2:44pm
It's not about "punishing" children for being honest. It's about correcting them for being rude.

I'm not sure why you keep talking about the self-esteem issue with ME; I never said anything about it. However, I think this child's tendency to bluntly "tell the truth" will get him in trouble with adults WHO do have the authority to correct him (like teachers). Further, not learning how to filter honest, but hurtful comments, will make him quite the unpopular kid on the playground. There is NO REASON for his parents to NOT teach him the basic rules of social interaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 3:56pm
I honestly feel at this point that it's not worth discussing with you because I feel your starting to disagree just to be able to argue some more.

~CL-Relydria~

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 4:24pm
Yea...notice she went down the line and just argued with everyone in this post?

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 6:55pm
Shawna,

I'm not "picking fights" with anyone (as you accuse me). I simply answered the posts directed to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:11pm
Nevermind what I said on this post before, it's all good. Why must we have these long, drawn out arguments on this board?? Isn't this a support board? It was last time I checked!

Sara


Edited 4/1/2004 8:17 pm ET ET by sayruhb02

~Sayruhb02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:13pm
Rely, you're right that it's not worth discussing. An adult's self-esteem (how an adult values herself) can't be crushed by a child. And to say that is not being "disagreeable" (as you accuse me), it's just being realistic.

If you read my posts days ago, then you know I've recently read Kathleen Daelamens' book (the chef who lost 75+ pounds and kept it off for approx. 14 years, on the food channel). She points out in her book, and rightly so, that oftentimes when we lash out at others (like calling this child a "brat" for being honest), its because we're really lashing out at ourselves, for not being in control of our own weight. And she also points out, when we gain control then all other aspects of our lives just fall into place. Then it isn't necessary to be "angry" with anyone else, because we're at peace with ourselves and in control of our own weight.

The woman here said she was fat, that a five year old child called her fat, and she called him rude, and a brat because of it. But you have to agree, it's not the child's fault that an adult woman is fat, and at five years old children tend to be very honest souls so it wasn't appropriate to label him, and go on about it, when all he did was tell the truth as he saw it. And if we step back for a moment, then we as adults have to know that NO REASONABLE ADULT WHO IS IN CONTROL could possibly have her "self esteem crushed by little brat."

In another thread, several women are "hurt" because no one notices how thin they are, or that they have lost weight. I have to wonder if anyone would call this same little boy "rude" or a "brat" if he commented on how "pretty" or how "thin" any one of them was? I think not. I don't think the woman who was "crushed" because the little child noticed she was "fat" would be so upset if, instead, he had said she was "thin" or "pretty" or "nice." The problem, and the only problem, is that he confirmed her worse fears and what she already knew was true.

I'm not trying to "be able to argue" with you or anyone else here. I am pointing out, however, that OUR SELF ESTEEM COMES FROM WITHIN. Self Esteem is totally dependent on what you think of yourself, how you value yourself. No child can take that away from an adult by telling her shes fat. And no adult can give an adult self esteem by telling her she's pretty or thin or by noticing her weight loss. Self value is a gift each of us gives to ourselves, every day. And when we have control of what we put into our mouths, when we are on the way to reaching our goals, then no one at no time can "crush" our "self esteem." Why she would, in her wildest dreams, claim that it's the child's fault her self esteem was crushed is beyond reason. I hope it isn't crushed. But if it is, then it's something she did to herself.....because no one else has that power.

And that's my last word on the subject. Except (and indulge me here), I think if anyone is feeling down about themselves because of their weight (or just could use some good recipes from a woman who lost 75 lbs and kept it off for over 12 years and running), then the best book I can recommend is Kathleen Daeleman's (or catch her on the food channel). She's been there, and she puts it into perspective.

Anyway.....no one can "crush" your self esteem except you yourself. And that's because self-esteem comes from within, and it's not dependent upon a five year old child to give it to you (or to take it away).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:32pm
Thank you ever so much for your response! I do so appreciate your efforts to educate me. I love to learn new things! I'm desperately begging your pardon. I checked out your link and you are indeed correct! I was taught to use the word acculturate when speaking of similar subject matter so I'm hoping you can forgive my ghastly confusion! What a wonderful person you are to take all that time to correct me.

If I may, I will ask you for one more favor. If I ever post to this board asking for support, advice or for just a general pep talk, please don't respond.

Thanks again!