SEX , is it worth it? (wayyy OT)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
SEX , is it worth it? (wayyy OT)
5
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 9:36am

Ok...I want to tell you a story about a silly girl named April and her man Joe....once upon a time they had a fabulous sex life..every day and amazing!!! Well living together set in then Joe watching childbirth scarred the poor man silly to the point he was terrified of doing it again. Things slowly got better with April getting some lovin' on a weekly to bi-weekly basis . One night (a warm spring Tuesday evening to be exact) April set in after a warm bath to seducing her man . After much "persuading" (some would call it foreplay) April finally convinced Joe to give in and get frisky with her . After a lovely minute and a half April went on to the bathroom for the obligatory "handing of the towel to the man" ritual . While walking out of the bathroom and into her closet to retrieve her robe she kicked something..."OUCH" she said then felt the trickle down her toes . Turning the light on with a fright she realized she had kicked an AXE..yes you read correctly ..an AXE!!! "holy *&^%" she yelled after seeing the gaping wound on her foot . "what the hell is the axe doing in the closet?!?!" "It is right where you told me to put it honey"...Jumping on her right foot trying to keep the left foot from bleeding everywhere she hops back into the bathroom and turns to see quite the largest blood stain she has ever seen in her brand new tan carpet . "I sure hope you can get that out...oh...are you ok?" Joe asks..slightly concerned after seeing the large pool of blood collecting under April's foot . " After swallowing hre tongue and holding her right hook from doing some serious damage to Joe's nose she replies "of course dear...here is your towel now let me clean this silly mess up"...OK..so it didnt go quite that sweet...but DAMMMMIT!!!!


lol...so did you like my story??? I have a lovely 1 inch wide meat hanging out gaping wound on my foot..it is really nice...anyone want a picture of it???? I probably should go get stitches but God forbid Joe have to take me to the ER to get it stitched...we don't want him to miss any work <> QUICK..SOMEONE SLAP THE BACK OF MY HEAD..MY EYES ARE STUCK IN THE BACK OF IT!!!!!


Anyway..I have a few stories like this...they are a bit graphic but my god they are hilarious!!! I am done being mad and I got the stain up off my carpet all the while trying to be quiet so king Joe can get to sleep<> So I am taking a hiatus from sex..I just don't think it is worth me getting so beat up over anymore . I am beginning to fear for my life!


(btw..the axe was in there because my son bought it at renaissance faire and I didn't want it in his room for fear of him falling on it or something of that nature...maybe we would all be safer if I rent a storage unit for it )

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 9:59am
Holy cow April!

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 12:04pm
First of all- LMAO over here! Not because it tickles me that you're in pain, but because I had a similar thing happen to me when we lived in MI! Same reason to head to the bathroom, except I stepped on the food processor blade (that Rob had sat on the edge of the counter and had somehow gotten knocked down) and when I got to the bathroom (without staining my carpet either, thanks to exceptionally good hopping skills from having broken that leg so many times) I put my foot in the bathtub and was running water over it. Rob was already ASLEEP (*&^%$#@) and I had to scream until my kids woke up, came down and went next door to get my PARENTS who came over. My mom went and woke Rob up and made him take me to the hospital. I had to have 6 stitches, and that's from a SMALL blade. I think you should really see about stitches from the axe.

Oh, and I am thinking a storage unit is an excellent idea.

Love ya!

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:54pm
Go to the doctor woman!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 6:24pm
at least go to the doctor woman...sheesh i know they have them up there
Avatar for angelinoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 6:24pm
LOL..well hopefully it was good,get yourself to doctor..a few years ago i slices my finger a lil by opening a tab cat food..lol..it was bleeding hours after and ended up going to hospital and getting 4 stitches.