Random thoughts....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Random thoughts....
42
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 10:29pm

These thoughts started tonight at dinner and Bugnugget mentioned a post from the Hot Topics board (debate board) about obesity.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 1:29pm
Shawna...

I see that point and I think you are right that they are threatened by us. And maybe this is another twist to their fear...

I am one of those over weight people who still looks good overweight. I have been blessed, for a lack of better term, that when I gain weight it is in a manner that doesn't make me look like some beached whale. I am just as active as the skinny minnies out there and i can dress just as well and in the same designers as they do.

How scary is it for an insecure person that puts everything into image to see a woman who is a bit heavier than she should be having the outfits, the persona, the activitie and the same opportunties as the skinny minni?

Perhaps you have found a calling with the desire to share your own experience with others. It is hard for anyone to lose the weight. Some have gained it because of bad habits, emotional eating, apathy and even medical conditions that have weight gain as a side effect. Please let me encourage you to find your way in this. A kind word of concern goes so much more the distance than Cindy Crawford for Bally's

Avatar for suamomi
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Registered: 08-23-2001
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 3:31pm
I understand what you're saying...and I think there is some truth to it.

I know also though that sometimes it is hard for an overweight person to make eye contact with someone who isn't. And sometimes that probably comes off as the overweight person being a jerk. I think that we give off a vibe...and if you send a message out that says "I hate skinny people" then skinny people are going to treat you differently. I'm not saying it's right and I'm not saying that it is all the fault of the overweight person. It's human nature. If I get a vibe off of someone that is negative I avoid them...fat or thin.

Yes I think people who don't have a weight problem are scared...but maybe it's not because they are afraid of what they could become...maybe it's because they've been there and don't want to go back. We're always taught to not stare at a train wreck...it's along the same lines IMO.

Just remember, one day we will be the skinny people that overweight people look at and despise. We all have our insecurities about our body...even the skinny people. It may seem like it's okay to "hate" skinny people but to me that is a "fat people" mentality. I don't want to hate what i am trying to become. That seems silly to me.

Anyway, those are *my* thoughts...apologies if I've offended anyone...but we're all entitled to an opinion right?

Sarah


Edited 4/4/2004 3:35 pm ET ET by suamomi

Sarah


 


Avatar for jess9802
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Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 4:57pm
I tend to agree with you, Shawna. It's hard to understand the psychology of being obese without having lived through the experience. To be honest, even though my highest weight was probably about 240 pounds, I couldn't even begin to tell you why I let my weight get that high, why I ate the foods I did, etc. And you know, there wasn't a single A-HA moment where I suddenly realized I needed to lose weight. I started out counting calories in late June, although I wasn't doing it with a specific upper limit in mind.

I'm a smart woman. I hold a BA in History magna cum laude, I'm in law school, and I'm fairly well-read. Still, I had never bothered to add up how many calories I was eating in a typical day, and I'd stopped working out regularly. When I took the time to really examine what I was doing, well, it all made sense!

But I don't think I would have done as well as I have if I hadn't been trying to please someone. Silly as that sounds, it is still VERY important for to show measurable weight loss whenever I see my doctor at the student health center. She was concerned about my blood pressure and ordered cholesterol and blood glucose tests. She's been patient and kind, and genuinely HAPPY for me as I lose weight.

Don't get me wrong--my friends and family are great, and they've been wonderful, too, but those relationships are more complicated. I have to deal with a perfectionist father who has ALWAYS criticized everything I eat (I finally told him to back off over Christmas, which hurt his feelings, but I hope it made him realize that his comments were counterproductive); a severely obese mother who unconsciously undermines my efforts; and three close friends who are all struggling with their own weight issues. With my friends, especially, I've discovered that so much of our bonding time has revolved around consumption: going out for coffee or for dinner, and frequently.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that while friends and family are crucial to losing weight, and while I appreciate their support, they have to deal with their own issues (jealousy, insecurity, disappointment) first. Sometimes, it's just a little too close for comfort. But my doctor supports what I do, gives me great advice, and encourages me to keep going without judging me for ever weighing as much as I did. I'm sure my friends felt pity for me (I mean, I've felt sorry for them when they've gained weight), but I don't need pity; I need support and advice.

That's why I think what you want to do is so great, Shawna. It's not just that you've been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, it's that you'd be a neutral third-party, a cheerleader. What a wonderful resource for people trying to lose weight. You really should do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 5:05pm


I don't KNOW what thin people feel when they look at an obese person but I think there's puzzlement and superiority "how can they let themselves go like that". We've all heard that or even thought that at some point. We might have thought that when we saw a bum on the street or a hopeless drunk. Some people have very, very little empathy, they can't put themselves in other people's shoes. If they haven't experienced something they don't understand. They don't relate it to their own behavior-drinking too much, smoking too much, sexual promiscuity, greediness, over achieving-under achieving- the list of miseries goes on and on. It's just that certain unhealthy behaviors are very obvious. Being obese we can't hide, I think that can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe we try sooner to help ourselves..maybe. There's alot more to think about on this.

Gerry

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Registered: 01-07-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 5:46pm
This is one area I have never had to face. I always look at a skinny person in their eyes. I don't see their weight and I don't see mine. As far as I am concerned I am just as talented, confident, and beautiful as they are and if they have a problem with it it is their own issues and not mine.

I have also faced more critism from others who are overweight than from skinny people. I have never had anyone who is in the general public put me down or act nasty to me because of my weight. perhaps it is because I am confident in who I am...except when it comes to Jeff who just has me all worked up in knots... and what I am.

There is one area I have not faced and if I ever have to face it the answer to that person's stupidity will not be pretty to see. Just because I am not a size 6 doesn't mean I can't strut my stuff as good as the rest of them.

I have a good friend who is overweight. I always tell her that it doesn't matter if you are overweight, if youhave the confidence in who you are and the self respect to dress and put your best foot forward, people in general are not going to be so nasty. Clothes do make the person and so does the attitude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 6:04pm
Hi Shawna,

As I was reading your post I was wondering if you've found your calling as a therapist who treats obesity. Then I saw you called yourself a future counselor. Are you in school to become one? I had no idea. I'm finishing up my PhD in clinical psych, so I'm in that area too. I specialize in addictions, especially alcoholism. I'm on maternity leave now, but usually I work with women at an inpatient rehab. It's bizarre to hear them talk about how drugs/alcohol call to them. I feel the same way about food a lot of the time. Anyway, that's a whole different topic.

But, I definitely see where you are coming from. I think it would be a really bad idea to go up to a stranger and start talking to them about their weight problem. Bad idea on multiple, multiple levels. However, in the context of a structured helping relationship you could do sooooo much, especially since you have been there. You could make such a difference in people's lives. I think sometimes a path opens up in front of you and maybe this is your opportunity to really make a difference.

Erin

http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics
Mom
Avatar for angelinoh
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Registered: 05-19-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 11:12pm
i agree with you when i see a overweight person i don't exactly pity them just have empathy for them because i know how it feels. I don't get people who say they are happy with how they look when they are obese but if you look into their lives they usually overcompensate by buying expensive clothes,wearing a lot of make-up or talking about

themselves and how happy/good their lives are.

I think there's a lot of pretty overweight people heck i am..lol.. but you can't honestly say they are healthy. of course there's people that are too thin. i think everyone has their own opinions on the whole topic and that's mine.

I am not comfortable talking about my weight in numbers..lol..noone except u guys know how much i weigh caus i find it embarassing to be over 200 lbs. Never thought i'd let myself get this bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 9:57am
Hi Shawna, I do know what you mean. Although, I don't think I've ever been hated by thin people because of my weight. At least I've never noticed anything like that. Actually, I find that sometimes it's the opposite, like people feel more comfortable around me. I don't know if it's because of my weight, but maybe they're less threatened by me because they feel that I won't judge them. Does that make sense? Anyways, it could just be my charming personality lol! I think you would make a great counselor. I hope that you do end up doing something to help overweight people. I think that you would be great at that. JMHO.

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 12:42pm
>>...there are many people who are threatened by overweight people and yes, I picked the right word. They are scared. They see us and are scared for themselves.<<

I'd have to disagree. I don't think others are generally "scared" for themselves when they see a fat person. Obesity is an added burden for society though, and for escalating medical costs for which we all pay, whether overweight or not. So yes, everyone does have a stake in America's obesity epidemic.

As far as the rest goes, I think the "crusade approach" and singling other people out in a crowd, to "convert" them to dieting is a bit strange and, even, condescending. I wouldn't do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 1:47pm

See that is where you get things wrong and you do it on a normal basis.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

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