A Bug's Life
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| Sun, 04-04-2004 - 10:05pm |
Anywho... My name is Amy, and I just ate a Cadbury Chocolate Creme Egg. Actually, that's a lie. I ate 3, because I am neck-deep in PMS. This is the first choclate I've had in four months with the exception of some Whoppers on my birthday.
Ahem. My name is Amy, and I am freshly 31, a larger-framed person, and I hesitate to say big-boned, because that is a BS termed coined by the insurance companies. When I was 12, I was 5'5 and 128 pounds. Dr was sure I was going to max out at six feet. How about...5'7. I went through puberty VERY early (end of 9) and I have read that girls who go into puberty sooner rather than later tend to be bigger and/or carry more weight around. Numerous women I have discussed this with can attest that this does indeed appear to be true.
When I graduated, I was 160 pounds. You could see my full jawline, most of my ribs, my collar and hip bones quite clearly. I was active and was a sprinter on the track team. I was not overweight by any stretch of the imagination. I was a size 10/12, very solid and had boobs and a butt. I am naturally broad in the hips and shoulders and could never be a size 2 just because of my natural structure. From the side I was nearly invisible and had a 30 inch waist.
So, you might ask, what happened?
At the risk of sounding like a statistic, I believe my chief problem was I became depressed. I say this was my chief problem because via my depression I became the proud owner of alot of emotional baggage, low self esteem, a string of bad boyfriends, bad decisions and general unhappiness. I proceeded to cover this with carefully placed layers of compulsive overeating, lack of excersize, too much food for my needs and denial that there was a problem, something underneath that wasn't being addressed. There is always a reason we do what we do. We just don't always know it. It waits for us to unearth it, expose it and stamp on it's ugly little puss.
So, at 18 I tried Prozac. WOW! Where the hell can I get more ?!? I lost twenty pounds in one month because all I could stomach was BROCCOLI, of all things (???). Well, I gained it back and then some. Stopped the 'Zac for a while, then hopped back on in '98. That, combined with the Birth Control Pill, unfulfilling/bad relationships, a pro cook for a bf at the time, stress...by 2000 I topped out at 265.
I didn't see it. At all. Completely blind.
If I could have told you about all the looks of shock, disappointment, disgust...And how about the day I was driving in my cars and thought to myself, "What the hell is that pressing up on my boobs?"
My stomach.
The world became very quiet then, almost as if I were in a vacuum. I hear nothing but the silence of internal shock.
I started turning this around at first for someone other than myself. At the time I didn't feel that I was a good enough reason. I was mid-way though EMT school and my class partner became interested in me. ME. Who cared that he was married ? A cute guy was hot for me ! (So I thought) I was freshly broken up with one of many disappointing relationships. So, I became excited, nervous, twitchy, completely preoccupied and 'high' from this twice-a-week attention. I want to state I do NOT advocate dating or boinking a married man. Although it does not change the fact that he is a piece of crap (funny how we don't see that at the time), there are others involved here. Like a spouse and possibly children. So, I am not proud of what I did. This did not last long and we never went beyond flirting and emailing, but just the THOUGHT that what if it went beyond this and he has a chance to see me naked ? Would I want to see me naked ? NO. Better do something about this. For the next couple of months I was so keyed up I lost 30 pounds. I would equate this feeling to 'being in love/lust'. I'm sure someone out there can relate.
So, thirty pounds lighter, I said to myself, hey, that came off quick. How 'bout I try a diet like Atkin's? So I researched Atkin's And Protein Power. Tried both. Stuck with neither for any great length of time.
Now it's 2002, amd I'm with ANOTHER loser and holding steady at 220. July 2002 I get a wonderful job in a small local police department as a dispatch officer. I love it. I learn alot about good people and bad people. I dump, no, JETTISON the loser and am by myself for the first time in a LONG time. I lose another ten pounds.
Skip forward to June 2003, 208 pounds. Find out that someone I have known for several years has a major crush on me. He is sweet, well adjusted, an amazing guitar player, cuter than socks on a rooster, and he's one of those people that EVERYONE likes.
He is also nine years younger than me.
NINE.
He also happens to be the only one to treat me like a queen and has ALWAYS thought I was hot no matter what I weighed. We have been together for almost a year and have lived together for six months. Kyle said something to me a few weeks ago that really opened my eyes and proved that he was far wiser beyond his years. He said to me " Honey, I loved you when you weighed 200 pounds,Iloved you when you weighed 190 pounds, and I'll still love you when you weigh 160 pounds. Just because you weighed more doesn't mean I'd love you any less, and I won't love you more when you weigh less."
Hello, where have YOU been ? He also brought to my attention last week that he feels that I have finally lost all this weight since we started dating because I m so happy and feel very secure with him. I think he may be on to something. (And I thought it was all the sex with a 21 year old, silly me.)
So last summer about a month after we start dating I try the reduced carb thing again. By Christmas I'm 190. In Jan of this year I go hardcore on the Atkin's and do Induction until mid February. Get down to 177. Get cholesterol tested. Get put on a low fat diet March 15. Weighed 170 today.
That, in a nutshell, is my journey. I have lopped off 95 pounds in four years. It took me 10 to gain 105.
I have so much more to say and offer but I'll stop for now.
Thanks for listening.
Amy

I enjoyed reading your about you! It sounds like you've done all kinds of great work. I'm so glad that you are here and I hope to hear more about your weight loss journey!
Erin
Mom
Amanda
285/247/150
Amy
Hey Amy....can I say I like you without sounding like I am
So glad you've found us and that you are living a happier life than ever. Great inspiration!
Sarah
Atkins since 8/25/03
276/205/135
Sarah
Thanks Amy!
~~Linda
~~Linda
Amy