sigh

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
sigh
4
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:12pm
OK well I just got an email from Jeff that basically turned down the invite on Saturday for Easter and I am assuming the Easter basket too. SIGH....goodness I feel like I have been rejected. He said that we needed to wait that he couldn't go on without making a decision first. Well, the bubble I had just got burst and though it's a logical assumption it still hurts.

Yeah and here comes the icky feeling again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: karrietex
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:52pm
Karrie, I feel so badly for you and what you are going through, but I just don't think this is right. :-( I really don't know you, and of course I don't know Jeff, but I can't help thinking that his behaviour is really manipulative and you deserve better. You are hanging on waiting for him to "make a decision" - but when do YOU get to make a decision? This seems so one-sided. And I truly think that if his heart and mind were clear, there would be no need to make a decision - and it wouldn't take so long. I'm concerned that even if he "chooses you" that it will always be a back-and-forth, did I make the right decision sort of a thing. I'm sorry if I'm way out of line here, but I want to tell you that YOU DESERVE a guy that is all about you, and not trying to "decide" like this. You haven't asked for advice, but if you did....well, I'd tell you to let this fish go! Sometimes we hang on to a relationship that hurts because the uncertainty of not knowing what we face seems worse, but I know from my own personal experience that it hurts more to hang on. It took me a while to do that in my own situation, but after I broke free of a similar relationship that I finally realized was sucking the self-confidence and joy right out of me, I met and married my husband. Our 12th anniversary is on Sunday, and he's never had eyes or thoughts for any other woman (not even after I gained 150 pounds!). I feel special, and treasured, and I wish that every woman in the world could feel that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
In reply to: karrietex
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:05pm
OH I agree with you. Normally, I would have been gone the minute he said there was someone else. When we did talk about this, he said that he really thought the relationship was done and was not expecting this to happen. He is very much torn between his feelings and has been honest. I have been there before and I know it's hard.

Right now I am waiting this next week because I said I would and I am following through. However, if after we talked things are not resolved I am walking away. I am kicking that around now especially since I felt a dag gum pain shot down my arm this morning after I read the email.

I understand why he said no and I am calm about it and he is right. It wouldn't be fair to anyone to take another step. HMMM, wonder if this is what all those people feel like on Average Joe et al?

Again, there are decisions I am making as well and more will be made when we talk. I am starting to really think about a lot of issues. I don't know how to explain it but for some really strange reason and I do mean strange, I trust him. I don't trust anyone and especially men. Silly creatures are beyond ridiculous in their choices.

Honestly, I do love this man. I am not IN love with him completely. I haven't felt this way with any other man and I know if we make it through this then it is for keeps. I can't explain it well enough for anyone to understand why I am doing this. It's not me to be patient about this and/or not be so angry I can't see straight.

Makes no sense I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: karrietex
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:40pm
If it makes sense to YOU, then it makes sense. Women's intuition, or just what you have to do, I guess. I'll keep hoping that it works out for you, and I'm glad that you can come here and share your feelings no matter what!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
In reply to: karrietex
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:49pm
Thanks for being supportive.

I really don't understand it at all. Now that I have stopped acting like a girl about this. He is right. There should not be any contact right now. It has to be hard for anyone to have broken up with someone and then find another when some feelings have not been resolved.

I am in a position where I can't make any decisions until I hear from him as well. I am really trying to think this through and not make a spur of the moment choice. He might have to wait for a few days as well.