OT: help! need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
OT: help! need advice!
13
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 8:07pm
Okay im sure most of us know about them little paper finger things we made in school you write like different numbers and on the inside you put little sayings…. And you have some pick the number and you move it back and forth dah dahh blah blah anyway then they pick the inside and you open it up I know this is hard to explain but don’t know how else to say it…..

Anyways…….. I was going through my sons papers and I found one of them it was a little nostalgic for me to see one I haven’t in so many years…..so I put my finger in it and count blah blah I open it up to read the sayings and almost fell out of my chair!! One said “you’re a queer” another one said “flip off the principle” one said “F--- OFF” and the other one which made me extremely P-od is “drink milk from a girls T----y” now I know my son didn’t write it I know his writing and even tho he is 8 he is what they call developmentally delayed he yet cant read or write very well….. So I asked him where he got it he said a friend gave it to him… I forced him to tell me who so he did…. I told him I was taking it to the principle tomorrow he begged me not to because this kid wont like him anymore if he gets in trouble…. But I have to…. don’t I? I mean I know how tough it is in school and it can be torture if you get on someone’s bad side…. Especially someone that’s in a higher grade…. I really wish I can home school but there is no possible way right now I don’t know what to do…. Dh says leave it alone because Nate cant read it anyway but it still isn’t right…any suggestions?

Des~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 8:32pm
Oh jeez, Des....

This is a toughie....I was JUST thinking the other day how tough and nasty kids act at school but you seem to grow out of it after you graduate...I was picked on horribly as a child, and if it were me, I'd WANT to take it to the principal, but would not want to make school social situations harder for your son, either.

Maybe because you son didn't know what the papers said (and , BTW, you did a great job of describing them - I knew what you were referring to !) and maybe inquire a bit more into this particular child and your son's relationship with him before you go to the principal with it. Tell your son to just throw these things away, but if the boy pressures him, just bring them home and give them directly to you.

I would maybe hold off until it happens again, and maybe it was an isolated incident. And reassure your son that friends like these he would be better off without.

Sorry I can't be of more help...This is a hard spot to be in...keep us posted.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 8:50pm
I am a teacher at a middle school. My suggestion to you is that you talk to the teacher first. Tell him/her that you don't necessarily want to get the other kid into trouble, you just want them to be aware of the situation and keep an eye on things. Hope this helps..Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 8:53pm

I agree with Amy, this is a toughie.

 
Avatar for angelinoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 8:53pm
i wouldn't bring it to principle but I would talk to ds and explain that what it says isn't right and how you feel about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:54pm

Hmm

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

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Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 10:16pm
This is a tough situation Des. I've been in a few pinches like this myself..(My kids are 11 and 16) I think I'm a agreement with the idea of first: Talking to your son and making sure he understands that this is a serious deal and not something that will be accepted in the future...second: Bring this to the teacher's attention with the understanding that you do not want your son to be ostracized from class for being a "tattletale". I have faith that the teacher will be able to deal with the issue in a firm yet discreet manner. IF that doesn't happen and you have further problems, then I would approach the principal, but the chain of command (starting with the teacher) usually works best.

Hope this helps!

Faith

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 10:44pm
First of all thanx yall for your advice,,,, I think I was just so shocked when I first read it I have calmed down a bit now…. I had a talk with Nate and yes shawna he did know what it said the kid I guess told him… and no I wasn’t trying to say it was planted on him to get him in trouble he knew what he had I just knew he didn’t write it….. But he is in the 3rd grade and got it from a fourth grader at lunch )I guess that’s why I thought go to the principle not the teacher) m just so discomforted by what kids know these days…. And as a mother I want to keep my kid as innocent as long as possible “fat chance” lol but I had a talk with him about what it said and why it was bad… he already knew about the f word but I explained why queer isn’t a nice word… and I had to explain about the milk…. That “girls” don’t have milk and who does and why but then he says so mommy you have milk! Uh well not yet but I will soon lol I have not yet decided what I will do probably wait Nate is already the blunt of some comment because he’s in special classes and speech so he does not need any more hassles…. I have thought of home school because it is just not like it used to be in public schools… kids know to much!!! Lol but I have always been a supporter for the public school system it takes a very caring individual to be a teacher! I actually got into a little bit of trouble while back when I wrote the governor a “not so nice” letter when he announced he was taking away a lot of public school funding….. And now a lot of teachers are getting pink slips this week…. But that’s a whole other story that I can go on and on about so will stop it here…… again thanx yall
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 11:57pm

Sorry this is so late..Ive been a bad poster of late..but my opinion is to talk to their teacher and explain what you found aqnd that you'd like her to keep en eye on them etc..I think someone else said the same thing. And be your childs biggest advocate and cheerleader..make sure he knows this isnt acceptable and it is very nasty and you dont approve..most little boys will do anything to look good in mommies eyes . My son is 10..one day he came home with one of those things you are talking aout and in one of them it said "you will crap your pants" well crap isnt a bad word IMO but my son was SOOOO embarrassed and very defensive explaining that he didnt write it . It was funny how he didnt want to be thought of as "bad"


AnywaY...I hope this situation doesnt get your child into trouble with his "friend" but I wouldnt want my kid hanging around someone like that..yikes..its so scary you have to censor your 8 yos buddies man o man . GOOD luck sweety let us know what happens

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 12:20pm
"Suggestions?" I'd say, listen to Dh on this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 1:41pm
Why? Care to elaborate and actually give REASONS for your opinion? It is unclear whether you are saying that you agree with the course of action that her DH has suggested, or if you just for some reason think that she should defer to her DH. If your intent it to actually give advice, I think it needs a bit more detail.

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