OT- I need Advice Too......Love Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
OT- I need Advice Too......Love Advice
32
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:35pm

I could use some advice ladies and gents.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:49am
Hi Rely,

I understand what you're going through. I went throught the same thing with my husband. We were dating 4 years and always talked about the future and about getting married, but he never proposed. I finally got tired of waiting, so I asked him (well sort of). Since we were always talking about it, I asked him how he felt about setting a date, and getting the ball rolling. He was all for it! We set a date, booked a hall, and got things going. I do sometimes wish that I had that great romantic proposal to look back on and tell people about, but we're so happy together that it doesn't seem to matter anymore. We've been married 12 years. I did find out later that the reason he never asked me was because at the time he owned his own business, and it wasn't doing well. He was afraid that he wouldn't be able to be a good husband to me if he lost the business. Well, he did lose the business shortly after we were married, and I can tell you that he was and still is the best husband I could ever ask for.

I can't tell you what to do, only you can decide that. But if you believe that he is your soulmate, like you said in an earlier post, then I think you owe it to him and to yourself to at least talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you. I'm a sucker for happy endings :-)

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:59am
Linda,

Aren't guys "strange" that way? When Jeff and I talked on Monday that was something that was brought up. I have never heard any guy say that they aren't worthy and that he felt this over whelming feeling to protect me. Now my question is from what?

I think it is just as hard for them when it comes to insecurities and fears as it is with us. I know that is some of the issues we are dealing with. Especially since when I asked if he thought we had a future he said yes but then he didn't know either. And they say we are confusing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:06am
Hey Rely,

I know I am a lurker most of the time but here is my 2 cents worth.

Make sure your honey knows how you feel.

I only plan on getting married if I decide to have children. My boyfriend has a child from his first marriage so there is no pressure. But we discussed this in the begining of the relationship. Every so often he would ask me "what would you do if I proposed?" My answer is alway "I would say no at this point." Why - because I want to get my life going - a caree, travel find my true personality & be happy with myself. (I am happy now but a differenc caree would make me happier.

With that said tell him how you feel, when you want to start having children & that you want to be married BEFORE you start trying. Depending on his answer you can make your decision.

Good luck. We are all here for you.

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:22am
Karrie,

I think it's an old fashioned need to "take care of us".

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:29am
I agree with you on that. I am just surprised by his firm "I must protect you". It was said so many different ways to me. At one point he told me that he even thought I was miserable and upset that he couldn't survive with that knowledge.

It surprises me. I am not used to it to be honest. I have always been the one to stand on my 2 feet and roar my strength. This man will move mountains to take care of me. I am just awed by that.

What is so nice is the desire I feel to take care of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:34am
Well, I've learned over the years that it's not about him taking care of me, but of us taking care of each other. There were times that he took care of me, but there were also plenty of times when I took care of him. I guess that's what makes a good relationship.

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:40am
You are hitting home runs on this!

You are right. I think one of the best ways beyond hearing it is how you show your love or even deep caring (if you aren't at love yet). I know thet Jeff cares a great deal about me by how he fusses over me and about things that deal with me. He knows I care about him because of the way I walk up and comfort him. I think that is why I have hope from our talk on Monday. There is mutual caring and it is as unconditional as you can have in a male/female relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 12:14pm
Why don't you just "propose" to him? Tell him, "look it's been 7 years and it's time to either get married or move on" . Is there some real reason you're leaving this up to him? If you want to get married, ask him. If you want to get married, or move on, tell him. It's your life too, after all. And good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 5:18pm

Thank you guys so much for all the kind words and great advice.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 5:23pm
Good luck Rely! I'll support you whatever you decide :-)

~~Linda

~~Linda