OT- I need Advice Too......Love Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
OT- I need Advice Too......Love Advice
32
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:35pm

I could use some advice ladies and gents.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 6:23pm

You know...everyone wants that fairy tale wedding at some point.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 7:56pm
Men are such dorks sometimes, lol. I can so relate with ya and I know your pain. Me and my man went through a similar situation. We've been together for four years and been living together all but three months together. On top of that, I am a little older than you, 31, so the clock is banging quite loudly for me, lol (that's the next battle for us). I do agree with the other posters that you need to have an open and honest discussion. I was to the point you are now. I had made a timeline, was going to move, the whole nine yards. Does he want to get married? He talks about having children together, but does he talk about marriage? Is he a little insecure about being a good hubby? That was the case with Shawn. I make more money than him and he still has problems with not making enough money, having a good job. Men do feel the need to provide. How is his family? Shawn's parents were not the greatest and he had some fears them of repeating their behaviors. These are all things we have worked through by talking it out. It also didn't help that a majority of his friends weren't married either. His one friend was with his now wife eight years and just now got married and they have a two year old. I just told him my honest feelings about how it hurt me and how badly I wanted that connection. I don't know what it sink in for him, but I was almost into my ultimatum speech when he confessed he planned to propose to me, but I was so d#$@ed impatient, whatever, lol. I would definitely stick to your guns. 7 years is plenty of time to know whether you want to spend forever together. A friend of mine stayed away from her man for a week and told him she knew what she wanted and he needed to figure it out and until then she would not talk to him. She was tired of being his weekend sex partner and he needed to know how it felt being without her. Is there a way you could do this to get the point acrossed? I know this is an ultimatum, but I think sometimes you have shake them into their senses. You know what you want and you shouldn't give this up. Don't let him convince you marriage is just a piece of paper either. That is baloney! I know that is harsh, but you gotta look out for you too. Best of luck and hugs!

Heather and Shawn 7/16/04

 

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