I am curious.....
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I am curious.....
| Mon, 04-19-2004 - 10:43pm |
I am curious and want to spark a sensitive but supportive debate on a weighty issue (I know poor pun for this board but humor me - I am tired).
Do you ever feel that losing weight is an endless battle that will never truly be won or lost - it will just go on and on with skirmishes one and skirmishes lost?
What do you do when you start feeling like "why bother"?
What do you do when you find yourself dealing with anger/hurt by stuff a ho-ho down your throat?
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Yeah, it's been a kinda rough day and I am really fighting the emotional eating demon inside.

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I cant speak for anyone but myself...but for me..this is a battle that I will face the race of my life, so in otherwords...I think its a losing situation.
This will certainly be an issue for a long time, if not the rest of my life. If I stop to think, 'Who am I trying to impress ?' It's not like David LaChappelle is dying to photograph me, Maxim for men is not banging down my door and Cosmo doesn't want me for a cover shoot. Am I basing how I feel about my body on other entities opinions of it? Just because I'm not a model, why does that make me any less of a person ? So what if there is not a book about me and how F-ing wonderful I am simply because I'm skinny and had a pro do my makeup, which, by the way, was professsionally lit and retouched ?
Do we make ourselves 'desirable' for OURSELVES, or to attract the attention of men ? If you REALLY think about it, what is the point of revealing clothes, a smooth firm body, makeup, nice perfume...It's a freakin' mating dance, and the end result is to get some hot tail !!! To attract a mate! TO BREEEEED!!! It's NATURE !
Once I came to this little epiphany and all the hoo-hah that goes along with it...Clothing ads, makeup ads, diet pill ads telling you to be sexy - sexy, sexy, sexy - it all comes down to sex. Sex is SO profitable that money can be made by making people feel bad about themselves as well as good...I became a little more savvy about the way the world works as far as relying on facist beauty standards as a form of control.
And of course, none of my newfound wisdom helps when a little hottie 18 year old walks by in the mall with an ass that defies gravity, flawless features, boobs till next week, and I feel like Space Porker form the planet Zoon.
And you know what ? It doesn't matter. Any of it. Of course, we feel it does and it's nearly impossible to not let it affect you.
Now this is specific to me, but I found I get more mileage out of my personality than my looks. I'm far from fugly, but looks fade and you'd better have a brain and personality to replace it once the looks are diminished. I find that when I attract men by my personality and sense of humor, they tend to be of a more stable sort than one s who go for me just for looks. And I don't help. I don't wear makeup, because a favorite author once made a statement that wearing makeup is like an apology for your real face. I figure, he's going to see me without it at some point, so why don't we let him see what he's getting right off the bat ?
When I feel like why bother and am about to stuff the proverbial ho-ho down my throat, I either talk to Kyle, who always makes me feel better, or I isolate myself and think. Alot of times I will re-read my 'bible', "Fat!So?" by Marilyn Wann.
Furry, BTW, I LOOOVE sushi, too. When I vacationed on Cape Breton Island (on top of Nova Scotia)I went fishing and caught mackerel for our sushi, and sea urchins, too. Camping and eating sushi are not things that one would think would go together, but it worked for me. We caught most of our own food for two weeks. I loved it. I love to pee outside, too. I will even go into the grocery store to the fish dept and get the pre-made pack of sushi, get extra ginger and wasabe.
Ok, I'm done my rant.
Amy
oh yes, I am VERY familiar with the WTF attititude. "I'll never lose this weight!" "Whats the use?" "I'm getting older anyway so who cares if I am fat?"
Well, I care. I'm tired of shopping in the "forgotten woman's" section of stores. I'm tired of feeling trapped, weighted down.
So I really concentrate on how much better I feel now after losing over 40 lbs. My back don't hurt as much, I have more
Deb 270/228/145ish (updated 4/19/04. Next weigh-in: 6/1/04)
So why am I fat again?? Why am I trying to lose again?? I have lost 55 pounds this time so far and feel really great. I am still at 225 and personlly if I don't lose another pound it is ok with me. JUST SO LONG AS I DON'T GAIN ANY BACK. But anyway I am sure it is somthing that I will never conquer but will deal with for the rest of my life.
It is when I say "why bother" that I try harder. AND when I binge I feel guily for a while and get over it and try harder next time.
Hope your day gets better. :-)Stephanie 280/225/170 Atkid since 6/15/2003
I have approached this differently than ever before. I am not losing weight at all. If I do it is a perk to the decisions I have decided to make.
I am not going to battle this for the rest of my life because I am not going to give the bulge enough importance to make it central to my healthier change.
I am eating healthier and I have taught myself to eat healthier and it has become a lifestyle change that will be with me for the rest of my days. I am heading into the next phase which is to exercise. I am doing this to strengthen my heart and to be in better shape.
I am not going to allow the spare tire I have to be the focus. If I eat better and exercise and become healthier in that regards, then losing weight is my perk. If I only get to a size 18 and maintain that size but I am healthy then so be it. I was speaking with a close friend last night and we touched upon the fact that I was not meant to be a skinny person. I was meant to have a bit of meat on my bones and that suits me just fine.
If I focused on losing weight, I would be so fustrated by now it's not even funny. I realized what I was doing when I was venting about my metabolism. Being healthy eating wise and exercising is my goal. If I drop 100 then hey more power to me but I am not going to focus on it and let that become ugly and consuming.
We have to really focus that each of us are made to look a certain way. I was watching ET last night after we got back from the hill war, they were talking about the Swan on Fox. I was amazed and disgusted by the whole thing.
My thinking is that each one of us was designed to be a certain way. God made us in His image and His image is varied and diverse and beautiful. Why would you change something God so thoughtfully designed? I know some don't believe that way but again this is my belief and thought.
We have to love who we are on the inside to change the wrapping on the outside. Also we should never ever let anyone tell us differently, that includes trolls, boyfriends, husbands, parents, friends, coworkers et al.
Can't relate with dealing with $hit like that by stuffing food in my face. My modus operanti is more like, go to the gym for 4 hours, and don't eat for 3 days.
Sorry it took me so long to respond, I hope your week's been going better :)
I go
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