OT- LOL- A Daughter's Letter.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
OT- LOL- A Daughter's Letter.....
5
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 7:51pm
If you have kids read carefully; if you don't have any and want some prepare yourself.

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed.

With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:

Dear Mom, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I

eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with

all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But its not only

that, Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer

in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one

of my dreams too. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll

be growing it for us and for his friends, who are providing us with all the

cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science

to find the cure for AIDS, so that Ahmed can get better. He deserves it.

Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of

myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show

you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card

that's in my desk drawer...

I love you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 8:13pm
Oh Mel, that is BAAADDD! I love the sense of humor y'all have. And, I've used my ignore button twice in less than an hour and didn't "feed" anyone--a new record for me, and it shows that I'm learning my way around the board, lol!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 9:03pm
lol! Glad you liked it! You'll not see my name adding fuel to that fire either...maybe it will burn out. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 10:06pm
In the same vein...Rob got this a few years ago, and I think he's got it on file waiting for Rina to get a bit bigger:

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied

by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and

current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.

1. NAME _________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________

2. HEIGHT ______________ WEIGHT ________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.____________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_______________________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP __________

6. Do you live with your parents?______________________________

If No, EXPLAIN ______________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ________________________________

8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? _____________________

(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?______________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ______________________

_______________________________________________________________________

12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend ______________________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ____

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That

means I won't tell anyone -ever- I promise.)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is __________________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ________________________

c) A woman's place is in the _______________________________________________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is _______________________

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your

head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ____________________________________



I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT

TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,

NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,

AND RED HOT POKERS.

________________________________________

Signature (That means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for

processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do

not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your

application is approved, automatic disqualification will result.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by

two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might

want to watch your back).

Do you still want to date my daughter?:

_____ Yes, please accept my application

_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 10:18pm
Printed and filed in triplicate. God forbid if our daughter thinks that "Daddy wouldn't actually use that"--she has a rude surprise coming!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 10:21pm
LMAO!!!!