Hey everyone! New here - Here's my story

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Hey everyone! New here - Here's my story
11
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 10:39pm
Whats up??

I found this board just tonight, which is odd because I come to iVillage all the time, but never really bothered much with message boards, but a lot of your posts hit home to me and I decided to post.

My name is Dena. I'm a 21 year old female from NJ, I'm about 200-195lbs, I haven't weighed in about 2 weeks so I'm not exactly sure. I know I dont have over 100lbs to go, but it might as well be!

I started out at almost 300lbs about a year and a half ago. I've come a long way, dealing with a huge compulsive over-eating disorder. I haven't been thin since I was about 3 years old and grew up as a overweight child, to an overweight teen, and now to an overweight young adult.

My dad outwardly disliked overweight people, and he would constantly insult me and put me down, saying things like "Why can't you be like other girls? Why can't the boys be knocking down the door for you?!!" and things like that lead me to throw myself into starvation, which is how I lost about 60lbs. Thankfully, my parents got divorced about 4 years ago, so I no longer have to deal with the ridicule from my dad, but it still left it's mark on me.

In my life, being overweight has been the culprit for most of my problems... from low self-esteem, shyness, self-hatred and etc. I absolutely hated myself (and most times still do) because I'm overweight. I used to go to bed at night, crying my eyes out, wishing I were thin... praying that I would just wake up thin so I could be content. I look in the mirror and hate every bit of what I see, and can't even notice the almost 100 pounds I've lost so far. To me, it's as if I still look the same and have lost nothing.

To make matters worse, because I had been starving myself, I was even more prone to binges, which consisted of nothing less than about 3,600 calories a piece. I've been at a plateau for the past 6 or 7 months and I'm getting ultimately pissed off, so I decided to do a high protein, low carb thing, and try to eat normally, instead of starve myself which does NOT work anymore.

During my entire duration of losing weight, I worked out A LOT. 6-7 days a week. 45-60 minutes of cardio a day and resistance training. It's kind of addicting now and it keeps my depression at bay because of the endorphic rush, along with the balancing of my seretonin which was extremely off-balance beforehand.

Despite all that, somehow, I've hit a major plateau. Probably because I'd eat nothing for 3 days, then binge really badly on the 4th, and it was a vicious cycle. I'm trying hard as hell to eat normally, which is difficult because I turned food into the enemy, something to be feared instead of properly loved. Actually, I WAS at 185, but gained it all back due to a 2 month binge spree.. it was insane.

I'm rambling, I'm sorry.. I guess I just needed to vent and give you all some background of me and maybe someone could get some kind of inspiration out of it. I know how hard it is to be in the upper 200's, but it is SO possible to get down to your own specific goal... hell, I did it with a horrible binge problem, and if I can do it, anyone can do it.

I'd love to hear everyone else's stories, I love to be able to find common ground with people who struggle the same as I do.

-Dena

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 11:36pm

Hi there Dena =)


Im not supposed to be posting right now.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 11:42pm

Hi and welcome Dena , I'm glad you shared your story with us it was very touching and like Shawna said..HONEST . I enjoyed reading it .


Congratulations on your loss so far..thats awesome!!!! This is a great place and you will find alot of support and encouragement here . I hope to more of you around here! April

Avatar for brens2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 12:14am
It's late and I should be asleep...but welcome to the boards Dena =) There are alot of wonderful women here and I'm sure you'll find some useful info.

Read your story and I could relate to a few things in it...so hope you stick around and join us in our chit chat =)

Off to bed now,lol.

Bren

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 12:39am
Hello, Dena

Welcome, welcome, welcome! I am at work right now and just read your post. It really hit home and was refreshingly honest. Being this honest is a crucial first step and I'm glad you took it. I did the same when I posted here and it's scary because you never know how people will respond to brutal honesty.

I'm going to be honest and let you know I semi-starved myself, too, because that was the only thing working at the time. And you have every reason to be on this board, even if you no longer need to lose 100 pounds. I discovered this board with less than ten pounds to go and I absolutely love it here.

The women (and our one token husband, Rob)here are warm, smart, funny and supportive and good listeners. We have a great cl, Rely, who I believe is away until Monday. If you'd like to read my 'intro' story I'll find it and post it here.(I had been posting under my other name, Bugnugget, so don't be confused!LOL)

I'm glad you found us and hope to hear more from you!

Amy (Bugnugget/Barking Shark)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 12:43am
I believe clicking this link will bring you to my post...I'm not a whiz with this stuff so let's see what happens when I....Oh good - I clicked on the link and it worked...


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-fb100plus&msg=115190.1&ctx=128

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 12:27pm
Hi Dena, and welcome! Congratulations on the loss so far. Wow, it looks like you've had a lot of turmoil in your life. I'm sorry to hear about that, and sorry to hear how your father treated you. Nobody deserves that. If anyone else ever tries to treat you that way, DON'T LET THEM! You deserve to be loved, no matter how much you weigh. Ok, I'm off my soapbox now.

It's wonderful that exercise is such an important aspect of your life now. That's a big hurdle that I'm still working on. I love how exercise makes me feel, but for some reason it always seems so easy to put it off. I've been good about getting at least 30 minutes of exercise in at least 4-5 times a week, but I don't feel that it's a habit yet.

As for the eating, you're right. Starvation doesn't work. At least not in the long run. Besides the obvious part of not being able to live that way for the rest of your life, it also slows down your metabolism to the point where it's almost impossible to lose weight. I'm glad that you're working towards breaking the starving/binging cycle. You mentioned doing a high protein, low carb diet. There are quite a few people on this board doing the Atkins diet, and possibly others doing South Beach (at least we used to have some people doing SBD). I'm sure if you have any questions, they will be able to help you.

Good luck and I look forward to more of your posts :-)

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 1:46pm
Dena Hello and Welcome! I too am new to this board. The people seem really nice. My husband has a habit of make unkind comments and this has really been hard on my self esteem. Right now I am getting some conseling to help, but what I really need to do is get rid of the husband. I'm not strong enough right now though.

Be proud of your weight loss. I'm proud of you. Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

Avatar for angelinoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 1:51pm
welcome to the board Dena, and good luck on your weight loss journey =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 2:07pm
Dena & Brenda,

Sorry you two had to deal with insults and the scars that come from that. I hope you both realize soon that your weight doesnt make you who you are. From your post alone it is easy to tell that you both are warm and caring people. Be safe and take care,

rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 12:40am
Welcome Dena,

First of thankyou for sharing your story with us. You have come a long way and congratulations on the weight you have lost. I like you was an overweight child. When I was 6 my mom got cancer and all my family bought me ice cream etc to make me feel better. I came back from that summer overweight. My mom survived and unlike you I was lucky enough to have a very supportive family. I am so sorry you had to live with the ridicule. Welcome and I hope you find lots of support here. sharla

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