Problems 'sharing' weight?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Problems 'sharing' weight?
21
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:12pm
I wish we had more room on those title lines!! What I'm trying to say, is that I just had a personal experience related to an earlier question about whether or not we are willing to tell other people our weight - and it kind of surprised me!! I went over to the Atkins board and another forum, and they had a roll call just like we often do - name, stats, etc. Without even thinking about it, I proudly typed in "312/291/140" and hit "submit". Then I looked at the others - 175/155/1120, 160/140/115, etc. You know what I did??? I went back and erased the post. Half of me feels ridiculous for not wanting to "own up", but I was finally able to identify WHY I'm so reluctant to share my weight. Here, we all have fairly major weight struggles, so I'm comfortable that I will be accepted as an equal. But I guess I live in fear that the thin world will think I'm pathetic, weak, a slob, etc, etc. for my excess weight. Of course, with on-line no-one actually can see me - if I said I weighed 140 they'd have no reason not to believe me, but even in "real" life - where people can see perfectly well how heavy I am - I still can't confess the "number". My husband guessed my weight as "Getting close to 200" and I didn't correct him (after all, I had goaded him into guessing!). My best friend guessed 260, and I didn't correct her either. Here's my question - do you think that I'm correct that most people who have never been this weight WOULD be shocked that I'm nearly 300? I truly think so, because when I was 140 pounds, *I* used to wonder how ANYONE could let themselves go so badly!!

ps - Thank you all for giving me a safe place to NOT feel bad about myself for my weight.

pps - Rob, if you read it, I just wanted to let you know that I found your words below to another poster very inspiring - she was talking about her husband making unkind comments and you said something like "You are not just your weight". I know my hubby would feel the same way, although not articulate it as well - he's always calling me beautiful, Sexy and "Hot" even though I sure don't feel it. Thank God for me like you two ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:32pm
u r what u r from inside not how u look or how much u weight.. so don't worry about what people think of ur weight cuz its their loss for not recoganizing real u..
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:04am
I used to post on another board and I never posted my weight. It was the same thing. Even though I had lost a lot I was afraid of what people would think. To be honest I am just as bad. I look at people that are complaining of needing to lose 5 or 10 pounds and think you have no clue what it is like. I know they have their own struggles but sometimes it is hard not to think that. I think thin people think once you hit 200 pounds you are huge let alone 250 or 300. I used to think 160 was so big, but I would love to be the weight again. Btw, looking at your stats you are doing a great job. YOu should be proud to post those numbers anywhere, but I understand why you don't.

Sharla

283/214/160(posted just for you)

Avatar for suamomi
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2001
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:21am
I think for me, posting it is a reminder. the first time I posted it it was really hard because I *saw* the number for myself. I wasn't so much worried about what everyone else thought...it was just hard to face reality.

I have made tremendous progress though...I got an email from a guy I went to high school with the other day and I shared with him that I had lost 76 pounds...and I shared my webpage with him. He and I were pretty good friends so I knew he wouldn't really judge me on that but it was so hard to admit to someone I knew back when I was "thin" that I had gained 140 pounds in 10 years. To my surprise he replied and told me he had recently lost 95 pounds himself. So it made me realize that it happens to a lot of people (I knew that but it never really hit me). My dh was like, "What? Do you think everyone from high school stayed exactly the same except you?" lol. I was like, "yeah...I guess I do..."

So anyway...it's gotten easier and I am happy for that.

Sarah

276/201.5/135

Sarah


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 8:22am
I can totally relate. My goal weight is higher than most starting weights of some of the boards. I never had a problem posting it but could never relate to someone who only has 5-10 pounds to lose. My husband also does not or has ever know my true weight. He loves me for me and has choosen to be here for the last 21 yrs. I haven't lost any weight in the last 3 months but for some reason am maintaining. Doesn't seem to bother anyone but me, lol. :-)Stephanie 280/225/170 Atkid since 6/15/2003
Avatar for mundy2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 9:01am
Yes, I do. I do have problems on sharing weight. I never say how much I weight... never ever. I did it here and... I guess I don't do it anywhere else... People do get " ohhhhhhhhhh" when they know the numbers... And I'm heavy but don't look to weight as much as I do... so... I don't share my weight. When I tell people I've lost about 20Kg (like 50 pounds) and they get surprised! What if I told them I've put that all on again and got some extra 30 pounds??????????????????????

So... I don't. And that's it. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 2:47pm
>>do you think that I'm correct that most people who have never been this weight WOULD be shocked that I'm nearly 300?<<

No, I don't think most people would even care (and I don't mean that in a negative way). I think you would meet with support from some, and others wouldn't pay much attention. You are right, every person is more than a weight number. Look at it this way, do you think most people go around trying to guess the weight of the person next to them or do you think most people just live their own lives and if it comes up, it does and if not, it doesn't.

Let me give you an example from my own recent experience, this weekend in fact. On Saturday I went out for a walk (a very beautiful nature walk place were I go Saturday and Sunday afternoons). After the walk, I sat down to relax at my *usual* place, and another walker (a woman) just casually stopped to speak to me. She said, "you know, we pass each other every Saturday and I see you all the time walking. You're getting such a nice tan and I wish I had your legs" Now why I felt it necessary to tell this absolute stranger that I had lost over 150 lbs in the past year.....I don't know. We had a nice conversation, but she was certainly surprised that I once was heavy. And I'm sure, had I not said something about it in the first place, she could have cared less about my weight and it never would have come up in our casual conversation. In other words, the weight was on **my mind** and not on ***hers.**

So to answer your question, I don't think "that most people who have never been this weight WOULD be shocked that nearly 300 pounds." Most people, if you're overweight, may either not pay attention at all or they may notice (and some will be mean, others offer suggestions, some not speak up), but most people aren't trying to *guess what the scale says* because, well, people have their own lives to live and seldom really care about that sort of thing in strangers they meet. I think when a person is obese he/she is often sensitive about it AND when a person loses the weight perhaps in some ways it's hard to let go of it...and maybe that's why (for some odd reason) I brought it up myself in a conversation with a total stranger who was normal weight, and looked quite nice actually (as do I, this year), on a bench after a long walk. It just wouldn't have been *there* of it weren't something I was thinking about. So I think for me, the trick is not to think about it so much.....and maybe it's the same trick for you.

Actually, what I was thinking after my walk was (as I said somewhere else on this board), what a lovely day it was to be ALIVE, and this year (because I've lost so much weight) it's so much more fun, and I feel so much MORE ALIVE. That's probably why it blurted out.

Take care, and don't worry about it.

Forte

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 2:58pm
>>I like to tell them so that they know what Ive accomplished and as a reminder to myself.<<

Well, but you see, neither one of us are really a number...and hopefully, there are more important, far more significant, accomplishments in each of our lives than the fact that we've gotten ourselves around to cutting calories and exercising properly. It's just not that important, in the grand scheme of things. What is important is that we've taken steps to live healthier....but still, it's not like we really have to tell people about it.

And I can say that as somebody who has gone from very heavy, to nicely fit and reasonably normal weight in one year. But why I said anything to a total stranger (as I indicated in another post)is truly odd. No one is their weight, whether that number is 130 lbs or 300 lbs. And while losing weight is the healthy thing to do, it's not an "accomplishment" for the record books, the way things we normally consider accomplisments are. It's just something that needed doing, in order to live healthy. Nothing to brag about, just something that needed doing.

Take care.

Avatar for mundy2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 3:17pm
Shawna...

I have to say u made me order the book ... I'll tell you my opinion as soon as I get it!

:)

Naia
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 9:28pm

To say that losing 90 pounds is nothing to brag about or to say

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 04-28-2004 - 2:51am
It's funny, whether we are 130 or 300, WE ARE STILL THE SAME PERSON. There might just be more or less of us. A case in point is, 101 pounds ago, a certain pile of cells and enzymes of the male gender would not give me the time of day. Now, he sees me ALOT lighter and all of a sudden he deems me worth his time. He starts schmoozing and hinting and telling me how good I look, and how he's always thought I was really cool.

Oh, REALLY?

Well, I am still the same person, I said. What was so different ? He starts umming and ahhhing and trying find a way to say BECAUSE YOUR'RE NOT GROSS AND FAT ANYMORE, and as he is stammering I just smiled, turned around and walked away.

I am not a number on a scale. If I choose to feel bad about the number, that is my perrogative. If someone ELSE chooses to treat me bad because of what they think I weigh, they are an ass.

Amy