Observations of a lurker..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Observations of a lurker..
13
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 4:50pm
First let me say that this post is not being made in the spirit of meanness. I read the post below by the young lady who decided not to join this board and realized that I really needed to come out of lurkdom and share my feelings. I hope that those of you who read this will see it as an honest observation from someone not caught in the crossfire of the troll war.

I found this board quite a while ago. Being shy by nature, I decided to merely lurk and hopefully gain some positive ideas through reading your posts. I hadn’t been lurking long at all before I could tell who the troublemakers were. The harsh criticism, sarcastic humor, and insulting nature of their posts gave them away. I also noticed that these troublemakers shared the same writing styles, opinions, and never fail to attack the same person over and over again. I checked the archives to find that this person (or persons, I guess I should say) had a pattern. I knew then that this person or persons had nothing of value to add and I used the feature that allows me to side step their posts all together.

Unfortunately, that didn’t completely solve the problem. I still find myself spending a good deal of time reading other people’s responses to the troublemakers. I know that those few who are being disruptive are infuriating. They are genuinely hateful most of the time. I believe that the responses you’ve made to these people were from your heart and made in an attempt to 'take the wind out of their sails', so to speak. I understand where your desire to respond to them is coming from, but it seems that it has and will continue to only make matters worse. These troublemakers aren’t new from what I can tell. They’ve not been changed or discouraged by your responses to them. Time after time they simply seem to laugh at your frustration and anger towards them. Each time they cause an uproar, they’ve gotten exactly what they’re looking for: Your attention.

As someone who has watched this from the outside, it is disheartening to see how much control those few hateful posters have over the tone and direction of this board. In reality, they shouldn’t warrant one second of your time and effort. They’re so far beneath most of you on the decent human being scale; they shouldn’t be considered any more intrusive than a gnat. Basically, you’ve all tried just about everything to get rid of those causing trouble, except ignoring them completely. If they have no one to argue with, if no one reads and responds to their posts, they’re fun is over. They may stick around because they have no life and no where else to be, but they will have absolutely no power over any of you anymore. Don’t worry that the board will suffer if you stop defending it from the trolls. This board and all of you will only grow stronger.

Take the power here out of the hands of the trolls once and for all, please.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 5:19pm

Stella, that was an excellent post and I have to agree with you.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 6:25pm
Just saying I have to add I agree and am glad you posted!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 6:35pm
Another lurker who agrees wholeheartedly with what you've said, you couldn't have nailed it better! I've been around for a long time and a big part of the reason I rarely post is because of all the "drama" that goes on. I've read the posts, I know the pattern, I know this person(s) is incredibly unsupportive, has no tact, and really gets under your skin...but you all are letting them do it!! You are giving them the attention they want, so they keep on digging more and more. They are only here to stir up trouble, they don't need or want to offer support of any kind, and you let them do it to you over and over again. I too have chosen to ignore this person and all its personalites when they arise, but I can't ignore everybody and that is what I feel I have to do somedays when so many are posting to them trying to get them to see the light and atone for their actions. If it hasn't happened yet its NEVER going to!! I know its hard to see yourself or your friends become a victim of this posters's hatefulness, it is unfortunate that there are people in this world who would do things like this...but they are NOT going stop precisely because of the way this board has been responding to them. Can't we all take the high road once and for all and leave them alone on the low road where they belong?

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 6:36pm

I love your signature April!

Shawna Guinea Pig 4

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 6:59pm
Well said

(from a lurker who just started.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 7:19pm

Its nice to see so many lurkers coming out to voice their opinions on this and I hope that you stay too.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 7:31pm
here here ya'll....and hugs to everyone
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 7:50pm
I agree with Shawna! It's nice to see some new faces (well, you know what I mean lol!) so please feel free to come out of lurkdom anytime:-) I just wanted to say something that I've said MANY times before, but it's worth repeating. The people on this board (and you know who I'm talking about) are absolutely wonderful. It's unfortunate that we have a situation where someone (or a few someones) come here and spoil it for the rest of us. I know it prevents other good people from getting to know us and that's unfortunate. I was saddened to see the post from the new person this morning edited to say that she changed her mind because of what she saw on the boards. And I'm sure she wasn't the only one who was scared away. I've seen a lot of posts from newbies and then we never hear from them again. It's sad. Someone who might really be able to use our help has been scared away by this person (or people). Or maybe they're scared of how we react to it. Who knows?

You're right, Stella, the best thing we can all do is ignore these posts. I usually try to do just that, but sometimes they get the better of me and I have a hard time keeping quiet. I'll do my best not to fuel the fire in the future.

Shawna, as for Crystal's post, I was very shocked and saddened to see it. She's been a member off and on for a while now, and I was surprised to see her post that. I was going to respond to her, but I was speechless and then I figured "why bother?". I noticed that you started to respond to her also then changed your mind.

Anyways, I hope to see more of you come out of lurkdom and get to know us a little better. If you can put up with some of the drama, I guarantee that you won't regret it :-)

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 8:27pm
As a board 'regular' here, I would like to thank the lurkers that have peeped out and put in their two cents. Even though I am still fairly 'new' here, I have alot of respect and compassion for most of the ladies who post here. I have failed in the past to tune out the pathetic nonsense spewed by our troll(s) and GothRatty's posts in their defense were very shocking. For someone who thought we were all paying too much attention to the troll and responding improperly and thought we should let it go, she had an awful lot to say about it.

I have, more than once, considered going into lurkdom or just not coming here anymore because why should the people here be penalized for one inconsiderate person's posts (who never seem to get in trouble, I might add)but why should I let a socially inept tactless human being ruin MY cyber-social life?

I will still continue to report inapropriate posts, but I think not responding at all by ANYBODY is the way to go. It's hard to argue with yourself. No, it's not. Yes it IS. NO its' NOT!!!!!! Is! Not! Is! NOTNOTNOT!!!IIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I'm all set now....

Barkbarkbarkity bark BARK.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 8:47pm
Thanks Shawna, I'm glad to know someone notices me, LOL!

I understand that many of the wonderful ladies here want to make it a safe place for the regulars and any new people that come. I understand that feelings do get hurt and sometimes it's almost impossible to bite your tongue. I understand that for some reason you have been a target more than the others, perhaps it is because you are such a big presence on the board. You have been successful and you are supportive of everyone else, I don't mean this in a mean way at all, but you kinda stick out, so it makes you an easier target. I know that everyone who speaks out against the nastiness is only trying to help. Problem is that is only fueling the fire. Absolutely NOTHING anyone can say is going to change this person's mind or attitude. It hasn't happened yet and how long has this been going on? You're right, no one can fix it as long as so many are still fanning the flames.

I've seen many posts from regulars regarding these issues hoping that new people will stick it out or bear with it...and that would be great advice, except the problem doesn't ever end because the board won't let it.

We are all in control of our actions and our reactions, and only the people on this board can control how much further this problem will go. If you know a certain poster makes your blood boil don't even read the post. Or read it, get mad, type a really nasty message and get it all out of your system, then delete it and move on. Don't give them the attention they want. The people on this board are wonderful, I just don't get why they keep lowering themselves to this person's level.

Anyway, that's JMHO.

Amanda

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