Observations of a lurker..
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 06-04-2004 - 4:50pm |
I found this board quite a while ago. Being shy by nature, I decided to merely lurk and hopefully gain some positive ideas through reading your posts. I hadn’t been lurking long at all before I could tell who the troublemakers were. The harsh criticism, sarcastic humor, and insulting nature of their posts gave them away. I also noticed that these troublemakers shared the same writing styles, opinions, and never fail to attack the same person over and over again. I checked the archives to find that this person (or persons, I guess I should say) had a pattern. I knew then that this person or persons had nothing of value to add and I used the feature that allows me to side step their posts all together.
Unfortunately, that didn’t completely solve the problem. I still find myself spending a good deal of time reading other people’s responses to the troublemakers. I know that those few who are being disruptive are infuriating. They are genuinely hateful most of the time. I believe that the responses you’ve made to these people were from your heart and made in an attempt to 'take the wind out of their sails', so to speak. I understand where your desire to respond to them is coming from, but it seems that it has and will continue to only make matters worse. These troublemakers aren’t new from what I can tell. They’ve not been changed or discouraged by your responses to them. Time after time they simply seem to laugh at your frustration and anger towards them. Each time they cause an uproar, they’ve gotten exactly what they’re looking for: Your attention.
As someone who has watched this from the outside, it is disheartening to see how much control those few hateful posters have over the tone and direction of this board. In reality, they shouldn’t warrant one second of your time and effort. They’re so far beneath most of you on the decent human being scale; they shouldn’t be considered any more intrusive than a gnat. Basically, you’ve all tried just about everything to get rid of those causing trouble, except ignoring them completely. If they have no one to argue with, if no one reads and responds to their posts, they’re fun is over. They may stick around because they have no life and no where else to be, but they will have absolutely no power over any of you anymore. Don’t worry that the board will suffer if you stop defending it from the trolls. This board and all of you will only grow stronger.
Take the power here out of the hands of the trolls once and for all, please.

Pages
Stella, that was an excellent post and I have to agree with you.
Amanda
I love your signature April!
Shawna
(from a lurker who just started.)
Its nice to see so many lurkers coming out to voice their opinions on this and I hope that you stay too.
You're right, Stella, the best thing we can all do is ignore these posts. I usually try to do just that, but sometimes they get the better of me and I have a hard time keeping quiet. I'll do my best not to fuel the fire in the future.
Shawna, as for Crystal's post, I was very shocked and saddened to see it. She's been a member off and on for a while now, and I was surprised to see her post that. I was going to respond to her, but I was speechless and then I figured "why bother?". I noticed that you started to respond to her also then changed your mind.
Anyways, I hope to see more of you come out of lurkdom and get to know us a little better. If you can put up with some of the drama, I guarantee that you won't regret it :-)
~~Linda
~~Linda
I have, more than once, considered going into lurkdom or just not coming here anymore because why should the people here be penalized for one inconsiderate person's posts (who never seem to get in trouble, I might add)but why should I let a socially inept tactless human being ruin MY cyber-social life?
I will still continue to report inapropriate posts, but I think not responding at all by ANYBODY is the way to go. It's hard to argue with yourself. No, it's not. Yes it IS. NO its' NOT!!!!!! Is! Not! Is! NOTNOTNOT!!!IIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I'm all set now....
Barkbarkbarkity bark BARK.
Amy
I understand that many of the wonderful ladies here want to make it a safe place for the regulars and any new people that come. I understand that feelings do get hurt and sometimes it's almost impossible to bite your tongue. I understand that for some reason you have been a target more than the others, perhaps it is because you are such a big presence on the board. You have been successful and you are supportive of everyone else, I don't mean this in a mean way at all, but you kinda stick out, so it makes you an easier target. I know that everyone who speaks out against the nastiness is only trying to help. Problem is that is only fueling the fire. Absolutely NOTHING anyone can say is going to change this person's mind or attitude. It hasn't happened yet and how long has this been going on? You're right, no one can fix it as long as so many are still fanning the flames.
I've seen many posts from regulars regarding these issues hoping that new people will stick it out or bear with it...and that would be great advice, except the problem doesn't ever end because the board won't let it.
We are all in control of our actions and our reactions, and only the people on this board can control how much further this problem will go. If you know a certain poster makes your blood boil don't even read the post. Or read it, get mad, type a really nasty message and get it all out of your system, then delete it and move on. Don't give them the attention they want. The people on this board are wonderful, I just don't get why they keep lowering themselves to this person's level.
Anyway, that's JMHO.
Amanda
Pages