Looking for Support and Stories

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Looking for Support and Stories
13
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 7:02pm
Hi. My name is Tana and I'm a 33 year old nurse. I've been overweight for many years, although when I look back now at photos, I looked just fine as a 14 or 16. I don't understand how I could have thought of myself as fat then.

I need to lose (as the category indicates) about 125 pounds. Much of my trouble comes from overeating (bingeing) and total apathy regarding exercise.

Currently at 5'5" I weigh about 285#. Frankly I'm not sure exactly where I am because I'm afraid to get on the scale. The other thing I want to do as I'm starting to try and be healthier is measure myself. I know I need to because numbers (moving in the right direction) really motivate me.

I hope that there are others here who are also starting this difficult journey. I'm tired of feeling alone, down and depleated.

I've always thought that if I could only spend 24 hours in a "skinny" body I'd never have weight managment problems again. I can't even remember how it feels to be light or pretty and not feel like I'm hefting another person along with me. My husband and I are having fertility problems, and although I've had 2 rounds of clomid this year, I'm almost afraid to become pregnant because I know I'm so unhealthy.

So here I am. This is as honest as I've been able to be in years. Maybe someone else feels the same way - or at least can identify closely enough to want to respond.

I look forward to hearing about successes and difficulties and hopefully can be here to support someone else as well.

I'd appreciate knowing how this site and discussion group has helped you. I'm sort of unsure how to proceed from here....

Tana

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:00pm
Hi Tana, and welcome! I know exactly what you mean by looking at old pictures and thinking "I can't believe I thought I was fat then!". I thought I was so fat when I was a size 14. I would love to be a size 14 now! It's funny how that just puts things into perspective.

I understand your apathy towards exercise. I was that way, too. I still don't like it much, but I do like how it makes me feel afterwards. I would suggest if you haven't done any exercise for a while to just take it slow at first. Ease yourself into it. Take a 10 minute walk. After doing that for about a week or so, increase it to 15 minutes. Pretty soon you'll be looking forward to taking those walks.

We have a lot of people here who are just starting out on their journey. We also have others who are almost at goal. I'm somewhere in between. I've lost almost 30 pounds since the beginning of the year, so I'm about a quarter of the way there. I'm not sure if you've decided how you'll go about this or not yet. If not, that's ok. Take your time and decide what works best for you. Everyone is different and what works for one person might not work for someone else. We have people here doing Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, or calorie counting. I'm not doing any structured plan myself. I'm just trying to make conscious decisions to choose healthier foods, watch my portions, exercise and drink a lot of water. I aim for at least 64 oz of water a day (although I don't always make it lol!).

I also took clomid last year. We were trying to conceive, but weren't really trying that hard, so we decided that maybe we didn't want to have a baby as much as we originally thought. So we decided that I would stop the clomid and just see what happens. We're not trying anymore, but if it happens, well I know we would both be very happy. I'm 39 now and my DH is 47, so there's a very real possibility that we won't have children and we're ok with that. But of course this is a very personal decision and I know that you'll make the best one for you and your DH (plus you have a few more years than I do in that dept!) I wish you luck with that.

How has this site helped me? Well, I can tell you that there are a lot of terrific ladies here (although it has been slow lately. I guess everyone is out enjoying the weather instead of being inside on their computers). I have enjoyed just coming here and getting to know everyone. Knowing that there are other people here going through the same things that I'm going through definitely helps. Plus, we have a lot of fun here. A lot of times we'll talk about off topic stuff, but that just helps us to get to know each other better.

Good luck and I hope to see more of your posts.

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

Avatar for brens2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:40pm
((hugs))Tana and welcome!Being honest about a weight issue is hard,but you did and are here now...so thats a first good step in the right direction!I can relate to the looking at old photos when thinner and thinking I too was fat...grrr,had I only enjoyed myself.Thats the past though,so think positive =)

Looking forward to getting to know you better,

Bren

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2003
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 9:32pm
Hi Tana,

I don't post much here, I'm mostly a lurker, but I saw your post and I see so much of myself in you it's scary! I'm 27, and last year when I realized that I had reached 300 lbs, I scared myself into dieting. I did Atkins for awhile, dropped to 270 pretty quickly. But then I started eating a few more carbs here and there, and before I knew it I was back up to 290. I stayed around there until a few months ago when I picked my lazy butt up off the couch and started getting a little exercise. At lunch, my co-workers and I walk 30 minutes, about 2.5 miles, about 3 times a week. Together with watching what I eat - no more Atkins, no counting calories, just cutting my portion sizes - I'm at 265 right now and losing pretty steadily. I know if I'd exercise more, I'd lose faster but I'm just not that motivated yet. It really does make you feel better. My husband was on Atkins with me before and lost some, then gained it back, but he hasn't made the choice to start losing it again, so that makes it hard.

We also are having trouble conceiving. We're not really trying hard, haven't gone to the doctor yet. I'm hoping as I lose more weight our chances will get better. I know what you mean about being scared of becoming pregnant, being so unhealthy. I wouldn't want to put the baby or myself at risk.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I just thought I'd say hi, and I hope you stick around!

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 11:44pm
Tana - I'm right there with you. This is my umpteenth go-around at this losing weight thing. The only difference now is that I'm looking at it as a health thing, especially with some of the health issues I'm dealing with. I won't even go to a doctor with them b/c I know it's a weight issue, ie: knees hurting, heartburn etc. And as for the apathy for excercise, gotta be honest with ya...I have no desire to do it right now. I almost think I need to lose a little weight "in order" to be even able to exercise. In all seriousness, right now, I feel my weight is so out of control that it exhausts me even thinking about it. I get so out of breath even walking up a few stairs. One tiny adjustment I just made is I'm starting to park a little farther in parking lots of stores and such and trying to get in a few extra steps a day. Can you believe that?! Doesn't that sound ridiculous? I can't even imagine being able to walk or do real exercise for 30 mins!

I won't even go into what my weight is doing to me mentally...I'm single and 35 never married no kids. I'm starting to think that I can't find a boyfriend b/c of my weight! That's disgusting of me, I know. I've always been confident no matter what I've weighed..until now.

Anyhoo, don't want this to be a big ole cryfest for me. Hopefully I will be able to share some successes with you soon. Until then, I'm taking it day by day. I just went 1 whole day eating the right way...Good luck to both of us and sending positive vibes your way as well!

Kerry

267/267/140

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 1:01pm
Welcome the the board, Tana. You're definitely not alone. I'm on the same road you are. I'm 34, currently weigh 295, and am 5'4" tall. I started out on this board about a month and a half ago at 310 lbs. My plan has been to cut out all fast food and high sugar foods (candy, cookies, etc), eat healthy low-fat foods and to walk three miles a day (1.5 miles in the morning and 1.5 miles after dinner). So far so good, but it does get tough and I have messed up a few times. For example when I came down with a virus a few weeks back I ate way off plan: granola bars (high sugar and fat kind), ice cream, and donuts. I felt like such a loser but I pulled myself together and confessed my "sins" to the board. It made me feel better and the support I recieved helped get me back on track.

There are so many wonderful people on this board. It is a real source of support and friendship. I hope you'll stick around and join in. I think you'll find just what you've been looking for.

Vikki

310/295/150

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:54pm
Thanks Linda. Congratulations on such wonderful progress! I appreciate getting to know a bit about you too. I think it's natural to assume we're alone in our feelings while a site like this helps point out just how untrue that can be!

I look forward to further exchanges. T
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:57pm
Thanks Bren! It's amazing how our perspectives change isn't it. It was really hard, sitting down and writing out my actual thoughts and feelings about being overweight. It's a topic you just don't open up about very often. I'm glad to have a place to share and identify our common issues and feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:59pm
Hi Cindy. Thanks for coming out of the shadows for me. I'm glad that you're doing so well. Your approach sounds like something I'd like to try. Portion size more than anything is a problem for me, and I'm all about the concept of balance rather than harsh rules. I look forward to getting to know you better.

Tana
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:05pm
Hi Kerry. I hear you about the exercise stuff. It's so unpleasant yet so necessary. It's great that you're trying though, with parking farther away etc. That doesn't sound ridiculous to me at all. Every step counts. I'm glad you've had a whole day of eating right. That's a hard thing to accomplish.

As for love and men and such I'm not sure what to say other than when you meet the right person, nothing else will matter. He'll love you for your heart, soul and person and you'll know it's true because it won't just be about the outer you. Does that make sense?

Thanks for extending such a warm welcome.

Tana

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:09pm
Thanks Vikki. I'm hopeful that this is what I've been lacking other tries too.

Don't be too hard on yourself for falling off the wagon. All that matters is that you got back on. Do you have trouble making time to exercise twice daily? I know that "not enough time" is just an excuse, but I can't imagine psyching my self up every twelve hours every day. (don't get me wrong, I'm also a little envious of your determination)

So, what's with the name - are you all about the smoothies? Know any good recipes?

Tana

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