Men

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Men
21
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 6:52am
I am so repulsed by my eating habits..and even more so whenever i get shot down...I'm so sick of hearing, "you have such a great personality and your so pretty, you'll find a nice man SOMEDAY"....It' seems like all the men I meet don't care that I can hold a conversation or that I'm genuinely interested in what they have to say...All that seems to matter is the fat that surrounds me...ANd then of course It just makes me feel so bad about myself that I pig out until I can't eat anymore or until theres nothing left to eat...Does anyone else have problems with the whole dating game? I know there are some really good guys out there, but they don't seem to live in the state of Massachusetts...all ever get are really old married guys who epitomize the word "creepy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
In reply to: tigger200018
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 11:29pm
I agree.

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Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
In reply to: tigger200018
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 11:39pm
A lot of men have that attitude, that its all about the body. But, I am dating a great one, sometimes I still can't believe my luck.

I met him by becoming his friend first, and then him getting to know my personality and then thinking I'm sexy. That order actually makes for a much deeper relationship.

The best advice is to have faith in yourself. Be the bubbly happy person that you know you are. Be confident around men.

I think often overweight people lose their confidence in themselves because of the way they look. I know I do. But if you just suck it up, and show them that they aren't any better than you, than it doesn't make a difference. I think thats the biggest change I've made in myself. It makes you a lot more attractive.

If you really feel you can't do it, then work on your posture. Stand tall and straight. Chin above shoulders and smile. I promise that it will make you feel more comfindent regardless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
In reply to: tigger200018
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:24am
Tigger! (my fav cartoon by the way)

One of my friends told me that the lucky thing for me is that when I found someone, he would love me for who I am on the inside and not for what I look like. I laughed at her and silently thought no one was going to love me with this body. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!

I met my husband when I was 20. We were introduced by a mutual friend. We became friends first. We didn't even kiss until a year and a half after we met, though the attraction was there when we met. I'm 5'11" and probably weighed around 280 when we met.

In 2000 we married. To this day, even at my highest weight in the low 300 pound range, he thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I'm still in shock that I found such a wonderful, incredible man who loves me, unconditionally, just the way I am. It's even more amazing that when he touches me and says "I wish you could see how beautiful you really are" not only can I tell by his touch he sincerely means it but that I am finally beginning to beleive it myself.

The right person is out there for you! It will happen when you least expect it. Yes ladies, there are men out there that like women of size.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
In reply to: tigger200018
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 7:51am
Thank you all for your replies... I wish I had hit hit, but I wish that someone had punched me for allowing him to treat me that way...I guess I always thought that I could some how win him hver...was I wrong...I suppose I just wanted to be in some sort of reltionship...It was a low point in my life...I'm glad that many of you have found wonderful people to be with, I just wish I had the same luck...I'm just tired of everyone around me having reltionships while i wonder what is so wrong with me that i'm left to myself...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
In reply to: tigger200018
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:39pm
Tigger how old are you? If you aren't comfortable saying, just give me a ballpark range. The reason I am asking is, I think you are being way too hard on yourself. And you sound a lot like me when I was young. In fact, I thought those same thoughts.

You need to stop beating your self up. Would you talk to your worst enemy the way you talk to yourself? I bet not. I sincerely believe there is a reason for everyone and some one special for each and every one of us. It's just not your time yet. You need to work on loving yourself just the way you are and everything else will come into place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
In reply to: tigger200018
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:52pm
I'm 22...I do tend to beat myself up at times...I'm just going through a difficult time right now..trying to deal with the people in my life and with decisions i've made...but i would like to say i'm glad i joined the community...it's nice talking to people who have been where i'm at and have done something positive for themselves...and for the first time i don't feel like i have to pretend to be someone i'm not just to make new friends...it's very freeing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
In reply to: tigger200018
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 4:11pm
Hi Tigger,

You are definitly not alone in this - believe me, I'm 33 and still trying to find the right one. I've gone through a series of boyfriends but I have a terrible habit of convincing myself that I'm too fat and they don't really like me...so then I shut down to prepare myself for the break-up (which I tend to bring on myself). Or, as one ex noticed, I move so often that I don't let myself get close to people - he told my that the man I marry will either have to be a millionaire or a waiter so he can pick-up and move when I get the urge. Frankly I'm opting for the millionaire but the odds for that are getting slimmer by the minute.

Just last night I was at a party and met the most amazing man - we clicked right away. The two of us sat and talked the whole night, even when he drove me home we sat and talked in his car for almost an hour. But of course when I get in my flat I convinced myself that there is no way he could like me, look how fat I am.

I, like most women and men, have to learn to love myselve and let that confidence shine through. I'm getting better at it but everyday it's a struggle. And just so you know, there are a lot of skinny people (like my best friend) who have the same issues.

One day it will happen so just make sure you're open to receiving that love and recognizing what a beautiful person you are.

Cheers

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
In reply to: tigger200018
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 9:18am
Thank you...I hope you realize how wonderful and beautiful you are as well...I suppose I feel that I should have had more men in my life, like numbers matter or something...I have the same problem with getting close...even when i think someone might like me i tend to close up or run away...Last night i called my cousin and she gave the phone to a friend while she went to the ladies room...this guy seemed really nice and all of a sudden he asked if i'd like to go out with him and if he could have my phone number..i said ok and inserted the whole i"i have nothing better to do" comment and the "i always like to make new friends" statement so that right off the bat i could protect myself from any mean remarks when he meets me...i'm always afraid people will be repulsed by me, so there are always boundaries...and of course in the end it always ends with "well i never liked him in that way anyway"...which makes me feel so alone sometimes, because i can't even be honest uith my own friends
Avatar for ari_elle
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: tigger200018
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 4:46pm
Kerstin...

I so TOTALLY agree with you!! Also in response to...



then you might want to sleep with the lights on!!!

That's what I'd tell those LOSERS who can see past the weight.

Elle

243/238/145 5'5"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: tigger200018
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 10:00am
This is all such good advice. You know what, if you don't already have it tigger, I think you need to go and buy Wendy Shanker's "A Fat Girl's Guide to Life" for more acceptance of who you are, for more confidence maybe.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=ye7JHRn9zE&isbn=1582344280&itm=1

And you're only 22, enjoy being single, who wants to be tied down? I'm only 19, and if my boyfriend and I broke up, I'd be heartbroken, but when I got over it, I would love the single life. There are so many guys that I think are hot; and plus, I plan to work in a doctor's office--I could find myself a rich doctor ;)

Just be patient.

Hugz, Sara

~Sayruhb02