Pardon My Backslide

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Pardon My Backslide
24
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:21pm
Well, I think I will be changing my screen name to Mooingshark. After several weeks of slipups, I have been carb crazy, and Monday nights party (beer, subs, beer, Doritos, beer) I am up to ...drum roll please... 162.5 pounds. I have managed to gain five pounds back, and it's my own fault. No one made me eat what I ate. I think that I was feeling a little too secure in my weight range and started to push the envelope. I ate steak, mac n' cheese and waaaaaaay too much cake yesterday because I had a hangover, and that's what I thought I needed. PFFFFFT!

So, today, as disgusted/horrified as I was, I got my butt out of bed while Kyle showered, took him to work, walked around town and back streets for about an hour at a good pace, went to the grocery store, got mostly meats and veggies, and am going back on Atkins for a while. This morning when I got home, I had a few ounces of ham from our ham that we baked the other day, and for lunch/dinner, I got a couple tiny lamb chops (I hardly EVER eat lamb, but I LOVE it)and broiled them with Malabar pepper(freshly ground - YUM!), sea salt and fresh rosemary, little bit of garlic. Never cooked lamb before, but it came out PERFECT, so I had the choplings with a small salad. Before that I had a couple TBSP of peanut butter cause I was starved.

SO, no more bread, cake, lo carb pasta, mashed potatoes...for carbs it's going to be veggies, berries, fat free plain yogurt, and apples. It's an all or nothing thing for me, and I can't just have 'a little' of something, like cake. The NANOSECOND it hits my mouth, a chemical reaction takes place and if cake was a drug, I'd be a junkie. Crack? NO, CAAAKE!

I have come too damned far to start going the other way, but I took a firm grip on it today and hopefully will keep this monstrous eating disorder I have under control. Hey, it may not be anorexia or bulimia (why puke up perfectly good food?!?) but the mindlessness that comes with eating things in inappropriate portions needs to be addressed.

Oooh! There's a fly on the keyboard. I think I'll eat it.

Anyone know the carb count for a small housefly?


Thanks for listening to my whining....

Amy (moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo)

265/162.5/150

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:28pm
I know what you mean. I really think that the hook carbs has on a body is simular to being an alcoholic. The more you allow yourself to have the more you have to have. It is an addiction for those who can't control it. I am one!! I start over on Atkins everyday and most days make it. BUT only enough days to maintain my weight, not lose! Good luck to you Amy. :-) Stephanie 280/225/170 still Atkid since 6/15/2003
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:34pm

Oh boy am I ever feeling ya Amy.

 

  Shawna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:53pm
When I first saw the thread, I thought it said "Pardon my BACKSIDE"! I didn't know what to expect! LOL

Hope you do well on getting back under control. Let me know how to do it cuz I'm sick of being out of it (well, control that is!)

Dawn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:00pm
Thanks, Steph! I swear, the beer/bread/grain products in general are the bane of my existence. I was my choice to consume them, but the hold they have on me is frightening, hence my cake fits, donut fits, bread & butter freakouts. Suprisingly enough, I can control myself with chocolate now. A little goes a long way. But breads & grain produts, forget it. And I'm sure I'm hoarding water like the Hoover Dam, because every carb molecule wraps itself in (is it 3 or 4?) water molecules so for every keg stand I did at the party I went to Monday night, along with everything else, translates into five pounds of water. I know how it works, but it doesn't stop me. I have a problem, and I grabbed it by the neck (again) today.

One day at a time, I guess.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:07pm
Oh, I feel ya too! I am good at self butt-kicking, and i just have to deal with it the best way I know how. I know that I *can* eat some things, but I really need to lay off for a while and get under control again. I can't believe that I actually typed in a GAIN, but I am obscenely honest here, I have nothing to hide from any of you, and even when I can't tell my self the truth, I come here and tell all of you, and what a reality slap that is. Even Kyle is disgusted with himself. He wants to go to the gym statring right after Labor Day, and it's free through the police department, so why not? I don't mind being at the gym once I'm there, it's just getting there and making time that kills me. It's a five minute drive, how pathetic am I!

Soooouuuu-iiii !!! Here sharksharkshark!

That about sums up how I feel today, Scale screamed "get the *&!@! off me!!!" this morning. Really.


Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:14pm
That's kind of why I worded it like I did - no matter how you read it, it would have that subliminal message.....And if i don't get under control, it WILL be pardon my backside!

I am lucky in the respect that when I have had *enough*, I have the insight and the emotional wherewithall to put the kibosh on my behavior. I had to learn it, because 10 years of eating out of control got me to be 265 pounds. It wasn't easy, but neither was being 265 pounds!

Today is my first day of getting a handle on the Impending State of Bovine-ness, and I feel better already. I had to work 11pm to 7am, and had an apple at work, some ham this morning at 7:30, walked for an hour, had some PB for a snack while I made dinner (broiled lamb & salad)and some coffee.

To quote other posters here, it is *my choice* to eat what I want, and it is also my choice to think about why I do this and get myself back on track.

Hugs,

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:19pm

I have an awful mind -- I also thought you said, "Pardon my backside," and that you were changing your name to Mooningshark!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:50pm
Hey Mary! It's not actually counting carbs that gets to me - I stopped counting a loooong time ago. It's just the massive quantities of crap I've been shoving in my face as of late, and I need to de-tox from the carbs, the glycemic load and bloating.

It's amazing, once you get to know your body, that you can time a food reaction to the MINUTE after eating it. Breads, cakes, pastas and fiberless starchy ANYTHING will make me tired to the point of being narcoleptic, cranky, extra short attention span, makes my semi-Tourettes go POSTAL. I eat proteins and veggies/complex carbs, and within six hours I feel better and start peeing off the excess water.


That is hysterical that you too thought I wrote 'backside' and 'mooningshark'...got butts on the brain , LOL?.. I could try for A$$shark! Like a hammerhead, only with a butt-shaped head. With only one eye.

Did I type that?!? Shame on ME!!!!


Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 6:53pm

Hey Amy:
I know exactly how you're feeling girl.

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Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 7:13pm
Amy, It's nice to know i am not alone. I am out of control! I can't seem to stop! I am very afraid to get on the scale at the end of the month. I just want to sit and cry. I am moody as heck too and that's not helping. Good luck to you on your new adventure!

Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

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