Mind over Matter????
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Mind over Matter????
| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 4:57pm |
QOTW 10-14-04
So, being that I finally quit smoking (today's only the second day, but still, I'm screaming that I'm a non-smoker lol)

Now? If I was to break it down in numbers then I would say that my own eating issues is 20% addiction and 80% weakness. And I do call it weakness. Come on now...Im a strong woman. I have already lost 70 pounds and I just quit smoking. I know that if I really set my mind to it, then I can do it. But as much as I have struggled and tried, I havent been able to do that yet.
But obviously *something* is missing...willpower? Who knows. Do I set myself up to fail? Do I have it in my head that I cant do it? That I dont want to do it? Do I make cheating too easy? (YES!) If the the solution to this problem was easy then I would be at goal by now...LONG ago. We all would! I dont like to come here and talk about my eating problems. I dont like feeling fat. I dont like going to bed each night thinking about how I failed or how I have to start over the next morning. But in the end....regardless of my excuses, I do have the power to change this situation.
So to answer your question, in my opinion, most people have more control over their own eating than what they think they do, myself included. It may not be the popular opinion but its still my opinion. But Ive also never had a problem admitting that for myself...my weakness IS food and I give in way too much. And the more I give in, the easier it is to continue that pattern. Im enabling my eating addiction.
Well. I don't really have cravings. I have what I call on and off. Either I am eating healthy, and I can, or I am not, and I can't eat healthy at all. On or off. It's like a switch. So I try to control the amount of times that I am on versus off. This sounds bizarre but when I think about it there are really patterns to my periods of Insane Binge Madness. They usually co-relate to two things: when my routine is really disrupted ( by moving, or new job, or new relationship) or Emotionally Traumatic Event.
So if I can anticipate a change in my routine or Emotionally Traumatic Event (?!) then I can usually brainwash myself through it with little voices (on the airplane...do not eat the mini chocolate bars... do not drink regular coke...) and I am finding that it works a bit more every time. But it's not like a craving. It's like two totally different people! Jeckyl and Hyde.
In reality this process is literally to choose to be the person who weighed 245 pounds or to choose to be the person who works hard to lose the weight and is bit uncomfortable for a year or so struggling, and then is a smaller person. But sometimes this is a difficult decision and I think, I want to be the me I already know.