Big decisions ahead for us
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:33pm |
Its been a roller coaster of a day for us. My step-MIL called today and we got to talking about my SIL and her kids. Lets just say my SIL doesnt come close to winning the "Mother of the Year" award. There has been at least 8 years of bad parenting/neglect because that is how old her oldest child is. I could name off story after story of neglect. There has been talks in the family for a while now about confronting her and asking her to sign over her children OR turning her into CPS (yet again). Well, I heard more stuff about the children today and none of it was good. So once again, we are talking about it. Its alot of decision making and the risks are high. It looks like everyone is on the same page right now. But since we would be the ones to adopt the boys, we have to really think about it. So Im kinda feeling emotionally drained right now because we have to evaluate all of the possibilities.
So if you guys could please keep our families in mind while we discuss this again, I would appreciate it.

Pages
~~ JODI ~~
HOOK EM HORNS!
Oh Shawna, that sounds like a really rough situation! I've got you in my prayers!
Good luck navigating this!
Erin
Mom
Fear
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
Yes... I hope your family can bring together a solution that will most importantly help your nephews. It must break your heart and also make you nervous, change is always a bit scary. But you are very generous to think of opening your home.
Kristrin
Thanks guys :) Everytime I think its the right thing and we can do it, then I think about what this could do to Isiah. One of the children has been suspended from school twice for kicking fits and the other time for throwing a chair. Supposedly, he isnt too nice to his little brother either. Of course, everything I hear is from relatives since we dont live near. But I have seen things with my own eyes that I didnt like...not from the kids but I didnt like how she treats them. The boys...man, they just need a stable home. They have even been sent home because they werent sent to school with socks and underwear on. Why hasnt the schools done anything yet? Because she moves so often. Child services were called on her more than once but she has the knack to get up and move. Im waiting to talk to my MIL tonight. We have talked several times about this before and she is suportive of it. But we keep trying to give her chances.
I guess the only thing stopping me in my tracks is Im just not sure if Im willing yet to risk my own child. There are just so many situations and possibilities we need to think about, including their fathers. I talked to my parents about it this afternoon and they were supportive as well.
I can understand your concern for your son. My parents went through a similar situation when I was about 11 years old: my best friend was in a foster home when I met her, and when her biological mother had custody of her, she had been placed in a living situation where she was abused so badly that she stopped speaking and her hair started to fall out. My parents tried to adopt her once they discovered her situation, and I can remember the long talks they had with my sibling and I about how she might be angry, or be difficult to live with etc. Talking about it later, my mom said she was very concerned to disrupt our stable family life for this girl, but it was so sad to see her being abused and neglected.
In the end, the biological mother refused to let the girl be adopted, and the girl stayed in school but became pregnant at thirteen and I have not heard of her since. The mother died shortly after in an accident on the highway while she was intoxicated. So not a happy ending, and my parents still talk about her a lot, but they tried what they could do.
I think its not easy, but if you are just a strong and loving parent and can get counselling for the boys, it might be all that's needed. Your heart will guide you, and there are lots of resources to help you manage the changes if that's the route your family chooses.
A big hug,
from Kristrin
Thanks for the story and support Kristrin. But I talked with my MIL again tonight and she wasnt so sure of things this time. She thinks we would meet resistance from the two fathers and from her. One of the fathers we would be happy to see him take custody of his son again but the other...not a good situation there either. So I dont know. Right now, things look stable. The boys are in school, my MIL goes over every night to check on things and to check the cleanliness of the house (been a huge problem in the past). My SIL *just* moved back near my MIL and now she is paying for my SIL's apartment so that she knows they have a roof over their head. But she is only giving my SIL 6 months to get things under control before they are cutting her off financially (yet again).
So right now, we are in another "wait and see" situation and trying to give her another chance to get things together. The unfortunate thing is that my SIL plays the "single mother" role to the hilt. She is much more fortunate than most of single mothers out there and she still cant seem to get her act straight. Her parents have paid for apartments (after apartment, after apartment...), have taken the boys to their doctors, picked the boys up from school/dropped them off, kept them for entire weekends, have bought them food, bought them mounds and mounds of clothes and shoes, has helped her pay for college, has paid for counseling, has paid for daycare..etc etc. They have helped her move all over the freaking place because she keeps getting kicked out of her apartments. In March, she moved to Ohio to be near family and now she is back near my MIL's again.
And your probably thinking "Why isnt CPS already involved?" Well, they have been in the past and she manages to move again. My MIL has turned her in more than once. So right now...we are just waiting to see what happens in the next 6 months and thinking this over some more. Please pray for her guys. I dont want to break up a family but I also dont want to look back on this in ten years and think "Why didnt we do something?!"
Hang in there , Shawna. My friend adopted her sister's son and he is doing great. The mom was a drug abuser and really messed up.....he did so well in my friend's care and he is so happy. so are they. They had kids too, but all went to counseling and it worked out.
I hope these boys get the care they deserve. It will be work, but well worth it. Everyone deserves to be loved.
Dawn
(((((SHAWNA)))))
You have such a big heart to be willing to take those boys in. I know you're concerned about Ike and he should be your first consideration. But that's very commendable that you're considering taking them in. I know that you don't have to make the decision now, since it sounds like your MIL is trying to help out. I feel so bad for those boys. I hope that everything works out and they can stay together and that things will become more stable. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers.
(((((HUGS)))))
~~Linda
~~Linda
Pages