My goal

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
My goal
23
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 11:05am

So, for over 12 years now I have struggled with my weight, coming to terms with food as an addiction (not quite there yet, but I'm doing better), trying to lead a healthy active lifestyle, and be a more positive role model for my son.


And I have failed miserably.


I am, for whatever reason, sabotaging everything I try.

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Fear

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 11:25am
That was a hard post to write and I want to say "way to go" for taking this step.

Not everyone who is overweight have psychology disorders or eating disorders. Not everyone with psychological disorders are overweight.

But.....many of us do recognize that we are hurting ourselves and we can't seem to stop it on our own.

I have a Masters in Professional Counseling. I also have emotional eating concerns. Like you I have spent most of my life dealing with my weight.

I do believe in counseling. Will it help - yes - if and when you are ready. Will it make you thin - no. Counseling will help identify some of the root causes, but until we decide that our health is a priority and that we DESERVE are are WORTHY of happiness in all areas of our lives, we will continue to struggle.

I lose 10 pounds and panic and gain back 7. This is my pattern. I see it and know it and I have an incredible therapist who finally told me that he can do no more - it's now up to me to make that decision. And I do - every single day. Somedays I hold to my decisions that I am worthy of happiness and love and respect. Then there are the nights when my anxiety and fears creep back in.

Last time I lost all my weight, I married an abuser. The time before that, I was raped. In many ways, losing weight means pain and vulnerability. At night with panic attacks, I eat to feel less vulnerable. Once I believe that I am too smart to let those things happen to me and that thin does not mean pain - I can let go of the protecting fat. When I am ready to accept male attention without fear - I can let go of the protecting fat. When I trust myself to protect myself, I won't need the fat.

I know when I finally decide that enough is enough, the weight will go. It is getting easier during the day. I know that I am on the edge of the final frontier - I've packed my bags, I've honed my skills, now all I have to do is take that first step.

I will....

furry

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 11:57am

Good post Kerstin :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:04pm
One step at a time, Kerstin! I know EXACTLY what you mean. Obviously, or I wouldn't weigh 310 pounds!!! But I think it's just SO overwhelming to look at the big picture, and we need to focus on what really is do-able. My goal right now is just to get under 300. It's SO hard -but I think just keeping on thinking about it and trying is better than giving up altogether.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:05pm
Furry-

I always thought that some women were fat because some man had molested and or raped them. Are you saying that you eat a lot to become over weight so that no man will look at you and hence, lessen the chance that you will get raped again? In any case I am so sorry that happened to you. I really hate that. There needs to be an island for those people.

I have the same problems as you. I am thinking about hypnotism, to see if it will help my resistance to eating. Do you think this will help me?

Sussie_Q

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:24pm

Thanks guys.

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Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:25pm
Shawna,

You have just hit the magical mythical nail on the head. I have several friends who are overweight who had wonderful childhoods. No trauma. No mental disorders. No binging.

Successful people in all aspects of their lives but weight.

What? Why?

In all the professional journals I have access to and all the databases, there is very very little on this specific topic.

I am developing my own theory that it is tied to the success in other key aspects of their lives (work or family or creative outlets, or time spent helping others, religion, etc). I have a pet theory it might be hidden anxiety or stress that is being coped with using food - but not like a bulemic or overeater. It's something a little different.

It's so easy to say it's because of "this" or "that" ---- but with this particular section of the population, they don't fit.

It's one step more from they simply like to eat or they don't like to exercise either.

It's fascinating to me.

furry

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:30pm
I don't know about hypnotism from any professional level. I used it 20 years ago for anxiety and it was wonderful but too expensive to maintain.

If you do look into it, make sure you get someone licensed in it. I do know of a Doctor of Psychology who performs and trains hypnotism who might be able to point you in the right direction for a referral in your area. Let me know.

Good luck.

furry

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:51pm
What a great thread this is. Sorry furry for your experiences with men. I too am like Shawna, just love good food. BUT, when thin and I have been there once or twice,lol, I don't care for the attention I get. I tend to think I probably sabotage myself so that I will be comfortable?? hide behind the fat. Well yesterday I joined Curves and will start tomorrow. Lets see what happens now. :-) Stephanie 280/239/170 gained 14 pounds since July of this year.


Edited 10/28/2004 12:56 pm ET ET by steph_6951
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:58pm
Hi,

Thanks for your post. I'm one of the ones who is in therapy for this exact, precise reason. Like Furry, I'm also in the mental health field (I have a masters in clinical psychology, work at an inpatient center for addicted women and am finishing my PhD). The posts touched on a lot of nerves for me, so I'm going to try to keep this from getting too long.

Therapy is helping me tremendously. I haven't lost weight yet, but it is helping me get my mind back. Here's my pattern: I'm upset with my weight, I decide to go on a diet tomorrow. I buy a new journal, scales, food, whatever. I'm psyched, I'm planning what size I'll be on my birthday, etc. Two days in I'm great! A week in I'm obsessed, measuring spinach like the fate of the world depends on it. I'm not losing like I want. I eventually can't take it and eat everything I couldn't in quantities I couldn't when I was on the diet. Gain the weight back plus a few friends. Then I feel bad and plan the next diet...

AND that is INSANITY! I want off of that train! So, my goal is to not be on any type of diet at ALL ever again. I had a "relapse" last week and went on WW for a few days and remembered that dieting hasn't worked for me (I know it DOES work for some people, so I'm not knocking it!). Right now my goals are getting off of Diet Coke (my therapist said there's a strong correlation between diet soda drinking and overweight. I also notice that it makes everything taste better, so that's not a good thing), increasing exercise and fruit/veggie intake. I'm going for super slow weight loss, which is better than going up down up down up down (but ultimately up all the time) like I have been doing.

I think anyone who is 100 pounds overweight (excluding people with hormonal or physical problems) has some kind of eating disorder. It's not necessarily a psychological disorder, but eating the way someone does to be that overweight implies some disorder in eating behavior plain and simple.

I don't think that you have to have a traumatic sexual experience or a bad childhood to have an eating disorder. I had a great childhood, have never had any real problems, am in control of everything but what I eat. Perfectionism tends to go along with the other eating disorders, and I really believe it also goes along with overeating.

Okay, I'm getting too long here. I think therapy can really help. I'd seek out someone who specializes in eating disorders (that's what I did, it was probably the hardest phone call I ever made).

Feel free to email me if you want to talk more about it!

Erin

http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics
Mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: kcwhat124
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 1:00pm

Yea, I dont know why I sabotage myself.

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