So sad....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
So sad....
21
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 10:13pm

I know you ladies are going to say that I am over-reacting, but I can't help it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: jodilwhite
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 10:36pm

Argh, Sweetie, that's TERRIBLE. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I think you need to tell him though that it's not acceptable... Maybe explain it to him exactly how you put it here... It hurts you to go to bed alone feeling bad about yourself while he gets his thrills over someone else BUT ADD THAT you know that your poor self-esteem is not his fault and that you're going to be making some big changes and you need his help and encouragement. Then (and I don't care how big you are) get something nice to wear to bed, light some candles and show the man who you want him getting off on. (Sorry if that's too crude, lol!) DON'T WAIT UNTIL your thin to love your guy that way.

I don't think you're over reacting, AT ALL. Our friends think I'm really liberated because I always agree that it's a man's choice to look at porn and that my hubby can look at whatever/whoever he wants. THEN I SAY, "OF COURSE, I'll be exercising my choice too, and I'll be kicking his butt out." Thankfully, my dh is really, really great on this issue (And he's no computer whiz either, plus I've got a great spy, so I'd know.)

Please don't think I'm saying anything bad about your dh though... I think lots of guys have this problem... you can help him get over it.

Good luck, and eat well and exercise hard tomorrow,IT WILL FEEL GREAT. YOU CAN DO IT.

~C

p.s. Sometimes guys get into porn because they're depressed... weird but true. I guess it makes them forget??? Maybe come at from that angle... ask if he's alright.

p.p.s It's kinda funny you posted when you did because I was going to post a "JODILWHITE where are you girl?" post because you joined right around the same time I did and I've kept up with all your posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
In reply to: jodilwhite
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 11:20pm
I am sry to hear that you are having a bad time. Talk to him and see why he does look at them, maybe he just want to look at them for fun, I don't know. You are doing a great job,keep up the good work. (((((Hug)))))
Take care
Helen
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
In reply to: jodilwhite
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 11:28pm

Sorry you are going through this that’s why I never let Frankie touch my computer! Lol actually I am not one that minds him looking at pictures or watching tapes because that is just a man for ya… they cant do for him what I can do no matter how big I am… is it possible you can do something like this as a couple? That way he is not sneaking around? Just because he looks at pictures doesn’t mean he loves you any lesshe might just be using this as a boredom solver something to pass by the time…its far less crucial then some things… it doesn’t make it right though only because you don’t feel this way… if you feel hurt by it then he should respect your wishes talk to him tell him to stop if he doesn’t tell him you will send him up the river…I hope everything works out for you…


Ps…. Oh you can have all sorts of body shapes… I think I am by far the weirdest…. Not only do I have small boob but I have a flat arse to… most of my weight is inbetween lol

 Desiree

Nate 6-26-95

Isabella 9-10-04


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
In reply to: jodilwhite
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 10:12am

Im sorry that you are feeling bad about yourself. But honestly, men are visual and they like to look at pictures of woman. They love their wives/gf very much but that is just how they are. Personally, I know my husband looks up porn/pictures of woman on the net. But I have no problem with it because I know he's a man and he loves me more then life itself. Your first priority should be getting your own self esteem up and having a better self image and know that you are worthy. :-)

Machelle'

Avatar for brens2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
In reply to: jodilwhite
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 10:23am

One thing I've learned(it's taken well over 10 years though,lol)is that I will never understand the whys and hows of the male mind.I'm learning that no matter how much sex and how attractive my husband finds me,he will STILL look at things that I normally wouldn't even think of looking at.I know that probably doesn't make you feel much better,but believe me,I think almost all men look...regardless of who they are with(and what the woman looks like...she could model perfect and I think they'd still look).

What you could do though,is confront him.Tell him you know what he's been looking at,and you'd like to know why he feels he needs to look.Let him know if you're not happy with it as well,because if you keep it to yourself,it will just make you miserable not knowing where he's coming from and not letting him know where you're coming from.

Good luck and ((hugs)),
Bren

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: jodilwhite
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 10:39am

Jodi, well I would be lying if I said I didnt understand how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
In reply to: jodilwhite
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 12:18pm

Im with you Shawna. I'd love to have small boobs....Tying lugging 48ddd's around. :-)

Machelle'

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: jodilwhite
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 3:53pm
Oh man Machelle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: jodilwhite
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:06pm

I said something last night when he told me he was going to be up for while... I said "Well good, plenty of time for the Fredricks of Hollywood models to entertain you!"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: jodilwhite
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:23pm
Everything your saying is making sense and I think Im _feeling_ what you are saying too.

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