the whole sordid story. LONG.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
the whole sordid story. LONG.
8
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:16pm

I promised some of y'all that I would give some more background...so here goes.


I have battled my weight all my life. I have never been small. I have huge bones and muscles and am built like a linebacker. I can count the times in my life I've felt feminine on one hand, and have always, ALWAYS been jealous of girly girls. I suppose I could dress and act like I'm girly, but I would feel ridiculous.


When I was a freshman in high school, my family moved to San Marcos so my dad could finish college. When we moved there I weighed 184 pounds (at fourteen). I fell in love for the first time and lost 25 pounds that year, and we moved back to the previous town by the time I was to start my sophomore year. I felt much better about myself, and the guy and I did the long-distance high school luuuurrrve thing for the next four years. I dated someone else during a lull in our relationship my senior year, and by that time had gained back the 25 pounds I'd lost three years earlier. When he (the guy I dated my senior year) dumped me because his cousin thought I was too fat, and therefore not good enough, I got p1ssed off and ate nothing but green bean stir fry and shredded wheat for two months while walking/running four miles per day. I lost 27 pounds in 8 weeks, and it was the skinniest I've ever been since puberty.


Then, my family moved up to the Austin area; specifically, to Wimberley (hee, Sussie Q!). Dad's side of the family owns a lake house on Lake Travis, and he wanted to live close enough that we could go there anytime. I was nineteen, and had just broken up with boyfriend number 239843794837 (inferiority complex, self-esteem issues, blah blaaaah), and my cousins took me to eat at a Mexican food place, wherein I was introduced to one of the waiters, and three months later, I eloped with him.


Oh, wait. It gets better.


So turns out he was a pathological liar and couldn't keep a job to save his life. He had no car, we had no money, because I was deluuuusional and thought that 19=grown-up, which it most assuredly does NOT, especially when neither of said 19-year-olds possesses a brain. We ended up living with his parents in their slowly collapsing 1984 double-wide. His mother was a rotund, bipolar woman who did not want to be on antidepressants because they, and I quote, "make me fat." His father was a truck driver and the only normal person in the family. He was also rarely home and, when he was, he slept on the couch because his wife was INSANE (keep in mind that I am on the crazy pills, so I know whereof I speak). My parents were crushed and heartbroken and, to give you the Reader's Digest version here because we all need to go to sleep sometime, one year and three months later I had gained 100 pounds and was a 21-year-old divorcee with a severe anxiety disorder. Yay!!


Ahem.


During this year, the ex and I had both gotten jobs at Barton Creek Resort. I was a hotel operator and he worked in conference, where they set up meeting rooms. He quit shortly after I left him and moved back in with my parents, but I stayed there until this past summer. I quit on my ninth anniversary. Anyway, there I met Randy. He is the audio-visual director now, but at the time he wasn't much more than a peon. He and I began dating, and two years later moved in together with the intention of getting married after I graduated from college. During this time I tried and tried and TRIED to lose weight. At one point, I had lost 40 pounds, then gained it all back and then some. Randy is no lightweight himself and has a deep love for steak and french fries, so losing weight was like beating myself with a stick on a daily basis. Short version: eight months before our wedding, three months before my college graduation, and thirty pounds heavier, we broke up. We'd been together seven years.


I moved back in with my parents. AGAIN. Gah.


I graduated from college with honors, but even so, still wrestle with such major self-esteem issues it's amazing I can get out of bed every day. I got a teaching job near Houston and moved away from all my family and friends and, at first, it was lovely. I finally had my own place and supported myself and all that (after years of relying on parents and fiance to pay my way for EVERYTHING). Randy and I stayed, and remain to this day, very close. We're not technically together, but we see each other often and enjoy each other's company. He's been working on losing weight and has had some degree of success. I, on the other hand, have been dealing with the boss from hell and, well, I'm not doing so hot.


Add to all this the fact that I just found out in November that I'm hypothyroid, and everybody I know is getting married and having babies, and you've got a completely screwed-up girl on your hands, here.


Anyway, that's as complete as I can make it. Any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I'm not really all that shy.


Love!


Lori

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:31am

Wow Lori,


I am sorry for what you have gone through, but very proud on who you are now. From what I can tell, you are doing a great job.

Helen-Sig3a.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 10:38am

Holy cow Lori!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 7:12pm

Y'all are full of the sweetness. Thanks. :-)


Shawna! I just visited your web site. Wow!! I am so impressed. You look great! Your success gives me hope and makes me want to keep trying. Your "before" picture could be me now, if I had long curly hair!!


You can see a pic of me here:

Lori

301/288/155<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 8:27pm

Ahh thank you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 9:16pm

Thank you for the compliment! Few and far between, you know.


Oh my GAWD, I know what you mean about pictures from young adulthood! I have about a skillion of them, and I remember thinking, "I am so FAT!" ALL. THE. TIME. Pfft! Child didn't know from fat. I looked damn good. Now if I could only get back there....*sigh* I would cut off my left pinkie without anasthaesia, dude. For real.


I have kept all my "skinny" clothes with that hope, but now they are pathetically out of style. Can we say high-waisted jeans--Rocky Mountains?--aaaiiieeeeee! And the baby-doll dresses with biker shorts circa 1994?? Lord help.


Oh, well, I guess this time next year I'll be shopping for a new wardrobe! How's that for spirit?! Hee!


Lori

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 10:30pm

Lori, get rid of all those clothes and pick out ONE item to keep!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 10:00am

Wait! Don’t get rid of the old clothes! You can sell “Vintage” clothes and get a pretty good sum of money.

Or, you could clean them really well, and have them put into a storage bag, remove the air for compact storekeeping; and keep them until they come back in style. And they will. I am 52 years old and have witnessed this myself.

My friend, Freddie, use to tell me she never threw her clothes away for that reason.

Sussie_Q

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:29am
I am so impressed with you that you have accomplished so much in spite of personal set backs. If you made it through college (graduating with honors, no less), then you obviously have the willpower and determination to do whatever you set your mind to.