People who trigger eating

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
People who trigger eating
3
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 10:36am

Does anyone else here have a friend or family member whose presence triggers them to eat?

I sure do. It's my best friend, and it was never as evident to me as it was Friday night. We have a standing Friday night date, where we get together and watch past episodes of Six Feet Under (we're both huge fans, so we're prepping ourselves for the new season when it comes by watching all the old episodes). Friday night, she came by, and brought with her some nachos & salsa. I had no intention of eating any of them, not to mention the fact that I wasn't even hungry. Well, it's true what they say, the road to hell IS paved with good intentions.

Once she opened the bag, something came over me. I started feeling bad that I wasn't eating any nachos. I felt bad because I thought maybe it would make her feel bad about herself if I didn't eat some. I somehow thought she would feel like (for lack of a better word) a big fat pig if she was eating them and I wasn't. I didn't want her to feel bad, so I thought I would maybe have a handful of chips. That way I wouldn't feel guilty for not eating them and making her feel bad about herself. How absolutely ridiculous is that?!?

And of course I didn't stop at one handful. Between the two of us, we finished the bag. The real problem is that this has been happening as far back as I can remember, and I'm not sure how to stop it. For as long as we've known each other (which is about 25 years), almost every time we get together, there is some type of food involved. I seem to lose all control and rationality around her. And it's not as though I can just stop seeing her. She's my very best friend, and is more like a sister to me.

How do you deal with people who trigger you to eat, not because they push you to do it, but simply by their being there?

~kn

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 10:43am
the only person I have like that is my DH. I just told him flat out that I am trying to lose weight and would he please not eat in front of me. Maybe next Friday you can tell her that you will provide the snacks since you are trying to eat healthy food. Then have popcorn or veggies and dip etc. Let us know how it goes. sharla
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 11:38am

Thanks Sharla.

The only problem is that I try not to eat anything at all after dinner. I'm not usually hungry, but I do have a pattern of emotional eating at night that I am trying desperately to break. So it's not really that the snacks weren't healthy ones. It's that I'm eating when I'm not even hungry. Even if we'd eaten veggies & dip, I still would have been upset by the fact that I didn't want to eat at all, but did it anyway so my friend wouldn't feel bad.

I need to stop worrying what effect my not eating is having on other people, but I don't know how to do it. Right now, worrying how she'll feel if I don't eat is more bothersome to me than my eating when I'm not hungry. And that is some screwed up, backwards thinking that I don't know how to deal with.

Any ideas? Maybe I just need some reassurance from someone that it's OK for me to do what's best for me, and that I don't need to sabotage myself in order to make someone else feel better about themself.

Oh, jeez. Lightbulb moment. Bear with me while I allow my inner-therapist to speak out loud...

I DON'T NEED TO SABOTAGE MYSELF IN ORDER TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELF!!! DUH!!!

I can't keep holding myself responsible for how other people feel. No one can make anyone feel anything. Feelings are reactions we CHOOSE to have based on the thoughts we tell ourselves. I am the only one responsible for MY feelings, and SHE is the only one responsible for HER feelings. I can't make her feel anything. She feels what she chooses to feel. If she chooses to feel bad about herself, I have no control over that.

It's OK for me to do what's best for me, even if someone else doesn't like it.

I know I asked for some reassurance on that last point, but cancel that request. I don't need anyone to reassure me that it's OK to take care of myself, and to put me as the priority in my life. I know it is. It has to be, otherwise I will lose myself in putting others ahead of me.

Now that that's settled...

Sorry for the rambling. I guess things are just a lot easier to figure out once you see them glaring back at you in black and white. I can't believe I didn't realize this sooner!! Thanks for letting me air this one out!

~kn

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 5:11pm

Well my DH for one, which isn't so good. He'll sit down at night after eating dinner with some snack and I'll be full and have no intention of eating anymore...but then I find myself taking one bite, and then another, and then I've had way more than I should have. Sometimes he offers and sometimes he doesn't, but either way I end up eating just because he is. I try to busy myself with something when he's eating so I don't think about it or he finishes the food off before I can get any.

I also find I have this problem with my parents. Whenever they come to visit I end up eating tons of fast food or just junky food at home. I don't know why but when I'm around them my healthy eating just flies out the window. I don't know what to do when I'm around them to stop it. I've been overweight since childhood so I'm sure there is some deep emotional issue going on there that I'm still not past.

Amanda

Amanda

mom to Ethan (7), Ryen (6), and Katelyn (2)