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An update
| Sun, 03-20-2005 - 7:50pm |
Hi, everyone. I know I made a promise to myself that I would stick around and use the boards as my motivation, but I guess I've fallen short. I'm not going to make excuses for myself, but I do have a few valid reasons why I've been struggling lately!! I almost feel like I'm reporting to the jury... lol! But it is important to keep yourself accountable, and a message board like this helps to do that.
I've been going through a lot of changes lately. At the beginning of March, I moved out of my fiance's house because I found 2 jobs about an hour away, and I didn't want to commute. I had mixed feelings about moving out, because I almost felt like it was going backwards in our relationship....or maybe it was just that I moved there too fast, thinking it would be so easy to find a job because I'm a nurse...that was not the case!! It's funny, a change in living conditions has the potential to make a relationship stronger...like, we'd appreciate being with eachother more the times that we do get to spend together. That is what I hoped will happen with us... but recently we had a huge fight over something. It was so big that I almost thought it was over. I'm still not sure about the future of our relationship, and that is why I decided to take my engagement ring off for now. Both of us are under stress in our own lives...him with his school, which he is really struggling with, and me with beginning my career. I think that there have been some issues in our relationship that we just ignored because we have been too busy to work on a relationship. Part of the problem was the fact that Andre is putting 100% of himself into his school work. I respect that he's so dedicated, but I worry that it is going to cost us our relationship. He has been pushing our relationship aside so he can fully concentrate on school. And I feel left out, and sometimes like he doesn't even want to be with me. I know that's not true, he wants to be my husband and start a family with me. It's just hard that he's so distant...and even if he has the desire to work on the relationship, school is still his number one priority. Since I've moved out, it seems that even the time we do have together, we end up fighting.
One of the issues that he has not really voiced until I questioned him about it is my weight. I have been slowly gaining back weight ever since christmas time, and I will accept that part of it is my own lack of motivation. But some of the reason is because I have ovarian cysts that I have not yet been properly treated for. I was advised to switch to a stronger birth control pill, but since I've done that, the symptoms of my cysts are getting worse, and I worry about the risk of blood clots, especially since I have high blood pressure. I'm seeing a gyno in about 3 weeks, but it's a mystery to me that I even have cysts at all. Being on the pill, ovarian cysts shouldn't grow because you don't ovulate, and there is less blood flow to the ovary because of that. I'm worried that going off the pill might make the cysts worse, but I don't know what else to do. The Dr told me not to go off until I see the gyno, but I think I will anyway because I don't like the side effects I'm having from it. Anyway, I am starting to work out more often at the gym now, and I feel awesome after a workout! I can see now how working out can become addictive! It's been a little hard to go as often as I would like, since I am working nights now, but I'm doing the best I can. It's just been difficult to realize the reality that I am not as sexually attractive to Andre when I'm heavier. Also, my self esteem has taken a nosedive, and I just don't feel sexy anymore anyway. I want that feeling back, the feeling of victory when you see the results of weight loss!! I was so close to being under 200 pounds, now I'm back up to 220!
I think that going off the pill might help with the weight loss, and I'm hoping that I can get this cyst problem dealt with so that I can feel healthy and start seeing a consistent weight loss again. I never felt better about myself than when I was losing weight, and I want that back again!!
I hope to spend more time here, and I would appreciate the support and words of encouragement. You are a great group, and this is my favourite message board!
~Sabrina
I've been going through a lot of changes lately. At the beginning of March, I moved out of my fiance's house because I found 2 jobs about an hour away, and I didn't want to commute. I had mixed feelings about moving out, because I almost felt like it was going backwards in our relationship....or maybe it was just that I moved there too fast, thinking it would be so easy to find a job because I'm a nurse...that was not the case!! It's funny, a change in living conditions has the potential to make a relationship stronger...like, we'd appreciate being with eachother more the times that we do get to spend together. That is what I hoped will happen with us... but recently we had a huge fight over something. It was so big that I almost thought it was over. I'm still not sure about the future of our relationship, and that is why I decided to take my engagement ring off for now. Both of us are under stress in our own lives...him with his school, which he is really struggling with, and me with beginning my career. I think that there have been some issues in our relationship that we just ignored because we have been too busy to work on a relationship. Part of the problem was the fact that Andre is putting 100% of himself into his school work. I respect that he's so dedicated, but I worry that it is going to cost us our relationship. He has been pushing our relationship aside so he can fully concentrate on school. And I feel left out, and sometimes like he doesn't even want to be with me. I know that's not true, he wants to be my husband and start a family with me. It's just hard that he's so distant...and even if he has the desire to work on the relationship, school is still his number one priority. Since I've moved out, it seems that even the time we do have together, we end up fighting.
One of the issues that he has not really voiced until I questioned him about it is my weight. I have been slowly gaining back weight ever since christmas time, and I will accept that part of it is my own lack of motivation. But some of the reason is because I have ovarian cysts that I have not yet been properly treated for. I was advised to switch to a stronger birth control pill, but since I've done that, the symptoms of my cysts are getting worse, and I worry about the risk of blood clots, especially since I have high blood pressure. I'm seeing a gyno in about 3 weeks, but it's a mystery to me that I even have cysts at all. Being on the pill, ovarian cysts shouldn't grow because you don't ovulate, and there is less blood flow to the ovary because of that. I'm worried that going off the pill might make the cysts worse, but I don't know what else to do. The Dr told me not to go off until I see the gyno, but I think I will anyway because I don't like the side effects I'm having from it. Anyway, I am starting to work out more often at the gym now, and I feel awesome after a workout! I can see now how working out can become addictive! It's been a little hard to go as often as I would like, since I am working nights now, but I'm doing the best I can. It's just been difficult to realize the reality that I am not as sexually attractive to Andre when I'm heavier. Also, my self esteem has taken a nosedive, and I just don't feel sexy anymore anyway. I want that feeling back, the feeling of victory when you see the results of weight loss!! I was so close to being under 200 pounds, now I'm back up to 220!
I think that going off the pill might help with the weight loss, and I'm hoping that I can get this cyst problem dealt with so that I can feel healthy and start seeing a consistent weight loss again. I never felt better about myself than when I was losing weight, and I want that back again!!
I hope to spend more time here, and I would appreciate the support and words of encouragement. You are a great group, and this is my favourite message board!
~Sabrina

Hi Sabrina! I was wondering where you were, and now your update.
I am so sorry to hear that things aren't going so well w/your fiance. Maybe you're right, a little space may be what you need. Good for you for trying to figure this all out before you're married.
Hope the bcp issue gets worked out too. I know what a pain that can be.
Please stick around and let us know how things are going!
dawn
Hi Sabrina,I am glad to hear from you. I also had been wondering how you were doing. I am sorry to hear about things with your fiance and your health. I hope you get everything figured out. Hopefully the Dr. can atleast help you at your next appoingment. As for your fiance give it some time so both of you can figure out what you want. You are too important of a person to be second place even if it is behind school. How much longer does he have?
sharla
I would like to think that this is only temporary...that sooner or later he'll snap out of it and realize that I'm not going to stick around long if I'm the only one trying...it's breaking my heart, I love him more than I've ever loved any man. I'm pretty much going to take it to the worst case scenario and not hope that it might improve...I've already been doing my crying, and it feels like we've broken up. That's the only way I know how to deal with this right now. I'm not ready to give up on him, but if he doesn't start showing me that he wants to work this out, I don't think I can handle much more of this hurt. I'm supposed to make my weekly trip to go see him tomorrow, but I told him that I might not come. I don't want to end up fighting and crying again...although the crying will probably happen anyway, because I miss him so much.
I don't know how to approach him about the whole depression thing. I know that it is something he's going to have to realize himself, but that doesn't readily happen for everyone. When I was getting depressed, I noticed the signs right away, because I'm a nurse. But I think that he might be in denial. Even if he does admit that he is depressed, I don't know how to get him treated because he's already shot down counselling...he says he can't afford it. And there's no way he'll take antidepressants...the man won't even take a tylenol for a headache!
Sorry for pouring my heart out, girls. I guess it's theraputic for me, though. It's like writing in my journal, only I get feedback from all you wonderful ladies! ~Sabrina
Anyway, thanks for the reply! ~Sabrina
Did he say he wanted to put the relation ship on the back burner? Is that what you meant? How old is this guy? How old are you?
I think we are somewhat alike. I am a romatic. And after noticing what type of movies you like, well it looks like we are somewhat a like. So with that being said and not wanting to hurt anyones feelings. I will say that men just don't think period.
They think about food, women, food, sports, food. etc. I feel like they are very cave man like. When women think about food, we think about all kinds of food how will we cook it. what will it smell like will it look pretty...etc....men think...is this still good enough to eat? Do you get me? I think the view had a show on this.
If he says he wants to put the relationship stuff on the back burner. That is exactly what he means. He doesn't want to be bothered .... I think you should concentrate on losing weight and looking so darn good that he can't put you off. I'd concentrate on how to win him back. How to get him to want you without you looking like you're trying.
Hey guys do you think I am on the right path?
I really hope I didn't hurt your feelings. Sometimes if you take away the child's toys they will behave...
SussieQ
I will say, though, that Andre is not the typical male. That is the thing I love the most about him! He's a sensitive guy, and when things are good in our relationship, our communication is very good. But he's so consumed with school right now, that I am on the back burner. I knew that anyway, but he has also said this to me. He has admitted to being both selfish and unfair, but has told me that this is the way it has to be right now until he is done for this school year. We actually had a good talk yesterday, and I'm coming to accept the sacrifices I have to make right now. I asked if there was someone else, and he just chuckled and said in a very positive tone "I'm happy with you". It actually really surprised me to hear him say something like that...I haven't gotten any emotion out of him lately at all. So that really eased my mind.
And about being romantic, yes, I am. And the best part is, so is Andre! What I used to say about him when we first got together is that he is like a gay man without actually being gay... LOL!!! What I mean by that is that he relates very well to women and has a lot of women friends...I guess you could say he is in touch with his feminine side,and he is nothing like the typical male. Lately he's been acting more like a typical male, but I recognize the fact that it's simply because of the stress he's under with school. When he was on break at christmas time, our relationship was wonderful, and he was a totally different person.
You are right about me concentrating on my own things right now, and losing weight. I need to get my self esteem strengthened again, and then I'll be even more irresistable, and he will have a much harder time saying no!!
Thanks for you input, Sussie ~Sabrina
I will keep you guys in my prayers.....as well as everyone else on this board. We so need each other!
SussieQ