Ever avoid people due to your size?....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Ever avoid people due to your size?....
7
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 9:56am

Hey all,

I haven't had to see my exhusband in months. I don't know how I didn't notice it while it was happening but I've recently really PAID ATTENTION to the fact that I've gained 88 pounds since we split (some during pregnancy and some since) and I'm horrified. I would love to never have to see him again but we have children. I am really stressed out about having to see him and more importantly having him (and his family) see me!!!! I soooo wish that I could have someone do the exchange but I'm not sure if my feelings about this event matter more than the idea that I should transfer DS myself so he can see me waving goodbye etc. I know that I can't hide from everyone all the time but I so wish that just for this particular type of event I could.

At work I stay pretty close to my room. But I do still go out shopping in public and I take the boys (7 and 2) for walks around our neighborhood as well as my sisters' areas. It's not like I can't cope with the general population, but I really, really don't want to have ex doing any of the following: feeling glad he's not with the fattest ever me, feeling oh so lucky to be with her (which is weird 'cause I don't want him - I just don't want for him to be glad things in relation to me and my size), feeling sorry for me, feeling that I must be a bad influence on the health of our boys etc..........

I know I can't control what he thinks and feels but if I don't have to see him, then I don't have to see the look on his face.

Anyone know what I mean? Anyone have a similar situation or any good advice?

M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 11:41am

I have feelings like that all the time and can totally understand your fears. You are going to have to see him sometime so you might as well get it over with. At least you can control the situation and it isn't like you are running into him on a really bad day. Make sure you look extra good. Wear something nice, have your make up on, and do your hair. I think you will feel much better once you have seen him. Remember, you are doing something about you weight now and that is what is important.

sharla

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 12:49pm

First of all (((HUGS))) to you! I do know how you feel. We don't have any friends or family where we live so I don't worry too much about people like that, but I really hate being around the guys my husband works with. I don't know what it is, maybe that for the longest time these guys plastered their offices with pics of scantily clad women and sent around porn emails all the time, LOL! They seem to have "grown up" in the past couple years, but I still feel very uncomfortable around them and try to avoid encounters as much as I can. I guess I just feel like they are going to be judging me against those images, which is stupid cuz they probably don't even give me that much thought.

Anyway, I agree with the other poster...on the days when you are going to see him try to make an effort to look really nice, it will give you a confidence boost and it just might give him the impression that not only are you a beautiful woman no matter what your size, but you are plenty happy and satisfied in your life without him.

Amanda

Amanda

mom to Ethan (7), Ryen (6), and Katelyn (2)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 4:00pm
I do find that I have to make myself go to certain social situations like dinner with the in-laws. And, I don't attend social events at my spouse's work because I think it would reflect poorly on him (of course he completely disagrees with this but doesn't push me to do something I am uncomfortable doing). I realize that this is about more than just weight and I'm working on my self-imagine, too. So, I'm not much help but certainly can sympathize with your position. Good luck. LK
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 7:05pm

Hi M.:

I feel that way frequently.

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Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 7:50pm
I agree!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2005
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 7:49pm
I have been in almost the exact situation you are in. No kid. But when I split with my ex, he moved out of state for about 2 yrs. He moved back and got a house about 2 miles from me in a small time, so of course I ran into him. I had gained about 85 pounds since he had seen me last. He saw me, but he never said anything about my weight, I'm SURE he noticed. But you know what? When I saw him, he looked 20 years older than I remembered, had started smoking and had lost about 60 pounds. He looked sick! I never said anything about how he looked either. But then I realized that I don't really care what he thinks of me. He is nobody to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 7:58pm
I avoid people all the time...they probably think I am stuck up, but I am so embarrassed about my weight, it kills me.
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