He is at it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
He is at it again
9
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 3:09pm


Hi gang

I hate to be a bummer but my husband Mr positive...is back at it again. He has been miserable for 2 days now and I am trying to stay optimistic about my new direction and goals but his angry attitude about everything and everybody here (especially me )is starting to wear me down. Today I did not have the will to exercise and my happy demeanor is starting to sink..I don't want to fail this time but he always does it to me then he can make me the brunt of his jokes...Just a little help from my buds to help me give my head a shake before I sink lower.

Sorry to do this to you...

Claudette

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 5:08pm
You know, I've heard of men like that. My father was condescending to my mother when I was a kid. I grew up with a horrible self image. However, this doesn't have to sit on your shoulders. Just because it comes out of your husband's mouth doesn't mean you have to take possesion of it. He said it, you don't take it on, and he gets to keep it. Sounds easier said than done? No. I do it all the time. If I hear snide comments from strangers or get wind of family criticism, I don't take ownership of it. It's their thought, not mine. I have a choice of what I allow into my psyche, and no one else can ever make that decision for me. This is your body, not your husband's. It lives and breathes and moves and knows joy. There will always be someone somewhere who is going to go after our efforts. People that we care about and who care about us will do it. But we choose. When I am on the receiving end of it, I actually look at the person like they have something wrong with them, and of course, they do. And I watch them do this like I'm watching a science experiment, or monkeys out of control! Ha, ha, ha. If they want a response I can say, "Oh, you want to actually TALK to me? Thanks, but I'll wait until you have something to talk about that's your business. But thank you for your interest!" This way that person has to take responsibility for their mouth and also keep ownership of what came out of their mouth. Not me. I played that whole feel-like-they're-telling-me-I-am game. I won't do that again. And you know what? I like freedom, and this is freedom. Let your husband blab all he wants. Then ask him if he wants a banana! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hope this helps and lightens your day :o) Kristi <><
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 10:04pm

Claudette...dont worry about being a bummer to us!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 2:24am

Claudette,

I'm not gonna even start, because I really don't think much of people that act the way that your dh is acting towards you, but I wanted to post and let u know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. You are doing this for YOU..not him..don't even listen to what he says.. and when you feel discouraged, know that WE are behind u all the way!!! Never let anything that someone else says bring you down, or make you want to give up. Just keep at it, and know in your heart that this will make you happier and healthier for years to come.. ((((((HUGS))))))

Lynn~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 9:34am

I think a lot of times when people who love you discourage you from doing something good for yourself (like lose weight or get healthy) it comes down to their own insecurities. My mother was always very discouraging to me and putting pressure on me when I was younger about my weight and how I looked, and though I know she never meant to hurt me, I think deep down she was really afraid of me be skinnier than her, or achieving where she had failed for so many years. With your husband, maybe he's afraid that once you've lost weight, you'll decide that you can do better and run off with someone younger/hotter/etc. It could be totally unfounded, but keep in mind that men can be just as insecure as women sometimes....

Of course, this doesn't excuse his behaviour, and if talking to him doesn't work than just ignore him as best you can - remember that you deserve to treat yourself like the Goddess you are!!! :) Best wishes, keep your chin up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 1:06pm

Claudette:

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your husband. I don't like people like that at all, and I'll tell you what, if I were you, I'd put his a$$ out in the cold. There is no reason to be a jerk. Ever.

Hopefully you can take some of the wonderful advice offered to you so far, and start surrounding yourself with more positive people. ((((HUGS))))

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Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2005
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 3:52pm

Claudette,

I agree with Decemberraine--he's trying to sabotage you so you won't find somebody better than him (which might not be too hard). Don't let him get you down. He's a jerk--you know that, so just ignore him. You know you can always come here and get support. Send him to a counselor--hes really got some issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 8:47pm


Well first of all a BIG thank you to all who encouraged me and reminded me that you are all Right and I should just ignore him and I am not the one with the problem HE Is.. At least I am trying to do something anyway...My mom always said Just ignore him/them they'll get theirs in the end...Well on the weekend he fell off a ladder and hit his head and had to get stitches.. He is fine but Boy oh boy what a headache He has...

Claudette

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 9:51pm

Claudette,


I'm normally not one to

    
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 3:08pm
Oh gee---you should tell him "well that is karma giving you yours for the way you treat me..."