Old member, coming back

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Old member, coming back
11
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 4:25pm

Hi Everyone - Let me start off by introducing myself (again). My name is Kerry, I started posting here almost a year and a half ago. I haven't posted or been back in about 6-8 mos. Consequently, that's the same amount of time that I stopped eating healthy or doing anything about my weight. So here I am, over one year later and 40lbs heavier than when I first started posting here.

Last February, I was 236lbs and now I weigh in at 276 - the heaviest and most unhealthy I have ever been in my entire life. But today is the day, that I take responsibility for myself and my actions.

I am a complete and utter mess. Being at the weight I am, none of my clothes from last spring/summer even fit me this year. I was already a slave to capri pants last summer b/c I didn't want to be seen in shorts and it's even worse this year considering even those capris and tee shirts don't fit. My size 22/24 capris and almost too tight to wear and I'm into a 26/28 on top. Even my feet are getting fat and don't fit into some shoes and sandles from last year. I look like a stuffed sausage in everything I wear. Even my face is getting noticeably heavier - my doublet chin is even bigger and the fat in my cheeks is making my eyes look weird when I smile.

Enough about the clothes and how I look - let me just touch upon how I FEEL physically - LIKE CRAP!

I have heartburn on a daily/nightly basis. I can't walk even 20ft without being winded. It's diffcult to get up from the sofa or a chair, not to mention I have to actually roll myself out of bed - I'm not kidding. My ankles are swollen constantly - or just fat. I recently came back from a conference out of town, for work, and I didn't even fit in the chairs in the meeting rooms. The sides/arms of the chairs were squeezing in on my hips and I had to keep getting up - it was embarrassing. It's difficult for me to get in and out of my car. If it gets any worse, my seatbelt won't fit me.

I have gone to my doctor and he has tested me for thyroid and diabetes which both tests came back negative. He told me I am morbidly obese. OMG - morbidly obese.

A normal day of eating for me in the past 6-8 most would be - no breakfast, just coffee with creamer. About 11am I get hungry and have a can of coke with a back of chips or doritos. About 1pm is where I meet friends or clients for lunch and have a cheeseburger with fries or some type of pasta dish. If I'm by myself, I've been known to get 2 double cheeseburgers from McDonaldst, 2 apple pies and a coke. At about 3:30 I need something else and go for another can of coke and a chocolate candy bar - usually the biggest I can find in the vending machine. About 5:30 I'm home and snack on something else not good for me before dinner. Dinner is about 8pm and consists of some type of meat/protein - fried and/or smothered in gravy or cheese, a side dish of some starchy thing - mashed potato,rice or pasta with corn as a vegetable, oh and always bread with dinner (think I got enough carbs in that meal!? LOL). About 10pm is where I will have some type of dessert, usually a brownie or cake or ice cream. All through the night drinking iced tea or more Coke.

There, I admitted it. I've never uttered that whole paragraph out loud or have told anyone. It's totally disgusting just reading it.

Well, today is a new day. I have cut out white flour products and sugar products. So far today, I have not had a coke or any candy or fast food. I have been drinking water all day and dinner planned is good. I even walked up a few flights of stairs today instead of taking the elevator.

I hope I can do this this time. Maybe if I take it one day at a time and make myself accountable for what I do.

If you got to the end of this, thank you for reading, I know it was long, but I had to get it out.

Any help or suggestions with things that have worked for you guys would be greatly appreciated.

Kerry
276/276/200 (for now)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 6:50pm
Welcome back Kerri!
 

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