I'm new here - 200 lbs to lose :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
I'm new here - 200 lbs to lose :(
13
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 4:17pm
I'm turning 50 this month and i really meant to start the year off with diet and exercise to be in better shape by my birthday but its right around the corner and nothing has changed. I was a trim and tall 22 year old when i met my DH almost 30 yrs ago. I was able to eat whatever i wanted because i was active then but after settling down to married life my habits changed and i fell into a sedentary lifestyle. I got away with it for a long time because being tall the weight gain did not show but it eventually caught up with me and by then i had formed such bad eating habits and was so inactive that i ballooned into a gigantic couch potato. My DH makes derogatory comments because he thinks he's doing me a favor by saying these mean things but its obviously not working. We never go anywhere because he's ashamed to be seen with me and after some humiliating events ... getting kicked off an amusement park ride because the bar would not lock in place and not fitting in a restaurant booth so we had to be moved to a table in the center while everyone stared... so now we only do things that will accomodate my size. I even had trouble buying a car because i couldnt fit behind the wheel. DH tells me we cant go to Hawaii or Disneyworld because i would have to buy 2 seats on the plane and even when we get there i'd be too tired to walk anywhere. We go on the same vacation every year (a lake resort) because of my problem. I love going in the water because i'm weightless there but now i am at the very largest size in bathing suits and its a tight squeeze. I am 5'9 and 350lbs and i've been wearing the same clothes for years because clothes shopping is so depressing. My favorite things to do are read books and watch tv. I havent had a pap in years because i'm too embarrassed and i'm at the age where they recommend a colonoscopy but i cant imagine doing that at my size. I know what it takes to change all this but i cant seem to do it. I watch Oprah and Dr.Phil and they inspire me so i start out ok but then i quit and go back to my bad habits. I've become a near recluse and am not sociable because all my friends and family are just like my DH - well intentioned comments that do nothing but hurt my feelings. Will I ever conquer this all-consuming food addiction which has ruined my life ? I guess I dont expect any answers that I dont already know but maybe some sympathetic support from others like myself would help ...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 6:27pm
Amen Terri!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:22pm
I put up with the comments thing since I was a kid. Whether I was at my right size/weight as a child or just a little over as a teen and adult, the comments just kept coming. So finally, I told everyone who was making a comment at the time that it was not open for discussion. I thanked them for their concern but that it was not open for discussion. I, my body, myself, was not open for discussion. If they continued, I smiled, got up, and said, "This is not open for discussion," end of story. Eventually it died off, but I had to stick to my guns. I don't care if they discuss me behind my back - go ahead, discuss all you want, but it is not a discussion that will include my participation. This way I took ownership back of myself. I wasn't and won't now spend precious life time talking about my short comings because I'm a large woman. I won't even discuss my weight loss. That inevitably brings the, "make sure you don't gain it back" comment. Simply put, it's my business - all of it. I'm with the others about telling your DH that his comments hurt and don't help. But as far as the others go, it's not open for discussion. There must be other things in the world to talk about besides your body size. After you tell folks that it's not open for discussion, bring the conversation to something you would like to talk about - anything - world events, gardening, books, God, etc. Now I have a smart mouth - I truly do. I'm just picturing me being in your place with family or friends and saying, "My body size is not open for discussion, but I would like to talk about something very personal in your life. So, how is your sex life? Everything working there? And that body odor thing, got that under control do ya? What are your plans for that giant mole on your face? You know, you have such a pretty face except for that mole.", etc., etc. I'm not suggesting you do this, I just like to suppose what I would say! Ha, ha. Truly the best is what I suggested at the beginning of this. Best wishes to you and I hope we are able to give you all the support you need here. Kristi :o) <><
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:51pm

Hi Laura! Welcome to the board and congratulations on your commitment to your health. I was really touched by your story because I have experienced many of the same situations. My husband used to be the same way. He would make jokes like instead of calling me honey or sweetie, he would say "big stuff" and "tons of fun" - nice freakin' terms of endearment?!?! I kept telling him to knock it off and finally we had a big blowout. He said that making jokes seemed to be the only way to get me riled up about weight issues. After a long and tearful conversation, I learned how worried he is about me, our future, and our plans to start a family. He learned that teasing, joking, and keeping junk around the house are anti-supportive. Weighing almost twice as much my hubsand is a big issue for us both and we both have to cope with it every day. Another issue was dealing with family members. When I would tell people that I was trying to loose, they would be overly supportive/critical. My mother-in-law especially. We would go out to eat and she would ask "Is that on your diet" whenever I put anything in my mouth. One time we were at her house for a BBQ. I was really good all week in anticipation of the event and I was careful about what I ate throughout the day because I knew that my husband's aunt was bringing my favorite dessert - seven layer bars. When the desserts came out, I took a knife and went to cut one of the bars in half. My MIL literally slapped my hand and she handed a sugar free jello and said THIS is your dessert. I was furious and mortified!! After stewing about it for a few days, I decided to write her a letter to tell her that I need her support, not her criticism. She called me after she read it and we had a great conversation. I tend to get very emotional when I confront people so I find that letters are a good way to make a point. Maybe that might work for you as well?

I have tried everything out there and have had the most success with South Beach. I weighed 383.4 lbs. when I recommitted to the SBD 3 weeks ago and I was down to 371 lbs when I last weighed myself. I find the biggest motivation killer is to get on the scale and see a gain or no loss at all which WILL happen when you weigh daily. I've decided to try to limit the scale to a monthly weigh in and measure my success in terms of how I feel physically and emotionally. I know my clothes are looser and I have my energy so I know I'm doing something right :)

OK, I'm going to stop rambling now. Hang in there and keep us posted!!

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