Ladies, please, please enlighten me

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Ladies, please, please enlighten me
4
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 2:35am
I really need to know, from all the ladies here who have husbands that tear them down, why do you let it continue? I'll never understand it. My mother was a doormat to my father. She was slightly overweight after 3 kids and he was on her everytime she took a bite outside of a meal. She tells me she doesn't know why she didn't stand up for herself. I believe that a person can stand up for themselves without coming across as the "hysterical victim." I believe there is nothing wrong with setting limits on how people are allowed to treat you. Abusers need to take responsibility for their actions and words. How in the world are you supposed to love and take care of yourself when the person you share your life with tells you what you've always feared was true about yourself? Taking care of ourselves is a right and an honor. These spouses sully that by treating you as if you are just not good enough. If someone could just tell me why you ladies allow their behavior, maybe I could understand and not go off everytime I read your posts about these men. It makes me want to climb something high and scream, "No! You will not treat them this way!" I believe these spouses have an ugly side and need to concentrate on changing themselves. Thanks for your time ladies. It just makes me sad that you don't know your lives don't have to be this way. Kristi :o) <><
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 10:52am
Well Im lucky to not have this kind of husband but from my studies in social work, I know that for many women its that they lack self esteem and dont know how to stand up for themselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 11:58am

I think most marriages have issues. And sometimes people say things. Perhaps they (the men) dont' know the right way to motivate. Perhaps they've tried being supportive, perhaps they've lived through a dozen diets, exercise programs, gym memberships, etc....
We don't know. All we know is the posts we read here. Some people just need to vent. They feel safe "bearing all" here. Being able to come here and vent and get loving support is important.

My husband said some stuff to me a few months ago....but you know what? It was what I already knew and wouldn't admit. That doesn't make him an abuser or me abused. I sort of found that a little off the mark. Personally, I will think twice before ranting about my husband here.

Your husband is supportive, and that is great. But not all husbands are. Instead of posting things like this, just give support to the poster. They don't need to hear that not only do they need to lose weight, but that one of the people on their support board is criticizing them. I think if you get to know a poster really well, then issues like this can be brought up privately via email.

This is just my opinion, and maybe I'm particularly sensitive, but I found your post very upsetting.

dawn

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 12:19pm

dang Dawn....I guess we read her post differently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 1:12pm

I think everyone has hit on some good points here.

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