Article about Respect from Others
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 07-16-2005 - 12:11pm |
Even though I haven’t been posting much, I have been reading other peoples’ posts, and I think that there have been some great thoughts put out there about being disrespected (or mentally abused) by those we are close to, because of our weight. I just read an article that I wanted to bring up because I think it showed some interesting results about the treatment of “fat people” by the general public.
There was a very brief article in Glamour about a study done by a small group of psychology students. These were student of a “normal, healthy weight” who went around to various public establishments, both as themselves and dressed in “fat suits”. Through the course of their study, they found that when they were “fat”, they received much poorer treatment and were generally disrespected, both by fellow shoppers and store clerks. They also found that if they went into stores carrying a diet soda and were talking about losing weight, they were shown a much greater amount of respect.
This study just goes to show what we all already know, which is that “fat people” get a lot less respect than “normal sized people”. I think that this is because “fat people” are looked at as being lazy, having no self control, and having no self respect. It’s as if people believe that since we are “fat”, we must not care about ourselves, so why should they care about or respect us?
I know that so many of us got to be the way that we were because we DIDN’T love and respect ourselves. I also know that a lot of us still don’t really love or respect ourselves. Then, when we hear other people disrespecting us, picking on us, it only solidifies our feelings that we are not worth respecting and we stay in the horrible cycle. It’s so hard to break free of it. Even if you do manage to start to climb out, it’s really hard not to fall right back in without the support of those around us, and that’s usually slower in coming than we would hope for.
I know that so many people, men especially, don’t know how to be supportive in a positive way. When I first started trying to lose weight, I told my boyfriend about it, and he offered his support, but he also offered his opinion—which was that my way of doing it was wrong and that if I didn’t do it the way his trainer friend had told him to do it, I was going to fail. I, being as opinionated as I am, then told him he was stupid and that we would see who was right. LOL. Seriously though, in the beginning, he said a lot of things that he thought would be helpful, but by most would be considered harsh and possibly even be considered abusive by some people. He also didn’t really worry too much about my diet in the beginning. If someone wanted us to go out to eat, he always said sure. He didn’t cook very healthily. He kept junk food around. He just didn’t get it, and he probably didn’t take me too seriously, either. I know that so many women are always talking about “going on a diet”, that a lot of people think of it as just another thing women do to be a part of the “in crowd”. I myself have even been guilty of this thinking. Unfortunately, we have to prove to everyone that we are serious before we get their support, but without the support of others, it’s just so hard to stick with our goals. This board has been such a wonderful place, because it gives the support needed to begin the journey, while everyone else in our lives are still catching up to us. It also shows us that others care about us and that we should care about ourselves.
I think that they only way to get others to respect us is by respecting ourselves—or at least pretending to until we can really do it! It’s the opposite of the bad cycle. If you pretend like you have confidence and respect yourself and show the world that on the outside, then they take notice and treat you better, and then you feel better about yourself and the next thing you know, you’ve got self-confidence and self-respect! One thing we have to stop doing, though, is putting ourselves down in front of anyone. So many times I hear people say “I’m so fat, I look so horrible, I’m so ugly, I’m such a pig for eating that much, etc…”. That kind of negative talk reinforces negative thinking by ourselves and others, and gets us nowhere. Even if we have those thoughts, by not voicing them, we are giving ourselves power.
I hope that everyone on this board always feels cared about and respected by everyone else here, so that we all have at least one safe place to go when things get hard. From reading some of the posts, I realize that so many of our significant others sound mean and uncaring, even abusive, but it’s so hard to know that truth about the situation without seeing what’s going on first hand, and hearing all sides of the story. I think that if we continue to respect ourselves and each other, we can all learn to love and respect ourselves, and, only then, can we demand that respect from those we love.
Sorry so long winded, I guess I just missed posting on here so much and it’s all built up : ). LOL.
Staci
(P.S.—I’ve lost almost 40 lbs “my way” so : P my boyfriend and his stupid trainer friend!)
| Sat, 07-16-2005 - 1:30pm |

