It's going downhill...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
It's going downhill...
6
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 6:16pm

Since last Friday, I have been struggling with my eating, and things are not getting better. I know that I wrote last week about developing a healthy relationship with food, and I thought that I may be on my way to doing that, but things have just been horrible these past few days. I have been bingeing on all kinds off junk. And I don't mean "binge" as in eating one or two somethings I know is bad, I mean "binge" as in eating junk well past the point of uncomfortably full, then letting it sit for a while and eating some more. I cringe when I think of how many calories I have probably taken in since Monday alone, but I fear it may well be enough to have gained 3-5 lbs of fat.

I have fallen into episodes of bingeing before, but always before they were accompanied by periods of bad depression, but this time, it's not, so I don't know what to do to stop it. I am happy with my life, my relationship with Neil is going great, and I'm not depressed in any of the ways I have been in the past. In fact, I'm probably happier and more satisfied with my life than I have been in a very long time, so I just cannot figure out what is causing my compulsive overeating. And, even though I have the motivation to lose weight (I really do), and even though I hate feeling sick when I eat so much, and even though I start every day with good intentions, it seems that the minute food, any food, healthy or not, passes my lips, I am lost and off looking for my next food "fix." I even consciously went to the local drug store on break yesterday and bought a bag of chocolate covered peanuts and 3 fudge rounds--and ate them all within a few hours. I have never done that before, and I just cannot figure out how this disorder has just suddenly overcome me.

I am trying to fight this because I cannot gain back all of the weight I have lost, but it's hard, and it's even harder now that I don't know what is causing my binges. I thank you all for your support and sorry for such a long, depressing post :).

Staci


 


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 9:15pm

Staci, I only have a few minutes to be on the computer and I don't have time for a good reply. I will try to get on in the morning with more, but I did want to tell you to hang in there. It is so hard to lose weight, but the most important thing is that you are persistant and don't give up. Ok, you have had a few bad days, we all do. You have to look within yourself and find the motivation to start again. You have been doing a wonderful job and I know that you can do it again.Do what ever it is that you have to do to get going again. Look at that dress you want to get into again, think of how great you will look and feel at goal, make a menu for the next week and get rid of all the unhealthy foods in the house. I don't know what works for you, but you gotta do it. Just hang in there and keep going and you will lose the weight. Enough of a rant.

Take it one day or hour at a time and don't beat yourself up over the last few days.

sharla

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 9:18pm
Hi Staci - I don't know you or your life, but I don't think you should be fighting this alone. You don't have a "willpower" problem! This doesn't sound like something that you can overcome just by vowing to "do better". You are in the grips of a powerful disorder/addiction/compulsion (choose your favourit word - none seem quite right ;-), and I think you may want to look for some help outside of yourself. What has worked in the past, when you have been depressed? Is it possible that you need counselling, or anti-depressant medication? (I know you say you aren't depressed, but there is a lot of depression in my family, and the one thing that I've learned is that it does NOT depend on how well or how badly life is going. Some of my mother's worst depressive episodes were at the BEST times in her life - she used to joke that she worried about having nothing to worry about, but I think it was more a matter of feeling guilty about good fortune and not allowing herself to believe she was worthy of it. ) I may be way off base, as I said, because I don't know you - but I don't want to see ANYONE fighting a battle they can't win on their own, and then beating themselves up over it. It is definitely a sign of strenght, not weakness, to know when to ask for help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 4:15am

Staci,
I gained all the weight when I was feeling my best. That was exactly the problem. When I first went to college I was eager to meet new people and I was ready for the dating game, so i never fell off-guard. I was always conscious about my looks. Same when I started work. But after I got married and later pregnant, I was too comfortable with who I was. I already had a lot of friends, I married my sweatheart from college after years of dating, I was simply too comfy with everything. And the pounds just piled. I simply let go.

I am not sure if it is the same case with you, but if it is, you're lucky to discover it early. You had a few bad days and that is it. Don't let it continue.

Mary
247/231/165

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 10:29am

Staci:

Before I read any other respones, I wanted to add something in here.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

 

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 10:47am

Kerstin---I have that book on my Amazon wishlist!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 1:51pm
OH yeah Shawna!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

 

Image hosted by Photobucket.com