What happened to my life?
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| Mon, 09-19-2005 - 2:44pm |
Unhappy doesn't even begin to touch the mess that my life has become over the past three months. I don't know what happened or what I did to make things all fall apart the way they have, but I know I have to hold myself responsible for my choices even if they were made when I felt I had no other choice.
Three months ago I had a good job with benefits, my own place, a hot guy, a budding acting career that I had waited my whole life to start, and a goal to get fit, feel sexy and lose 140 lb.s.
Today, I am jobless, about to lose my place, dumped, rejected, and have gained 12 pounds on top of the 270 that I started with. As you can tell, I AM the definition of "stress eater", and by the looks of my reflection, I've been stressing A LOT! I know that every single one of us on this board has all kinds of issues to deal with, and I'm no exception, but I cannot stop eating! I have tried everything outside of stapling my mouth shut. I'm like an addict and I've never so out of control in my life, and I'm honestly scared and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like such a failure at everything and I can't seem to pull myself out of it, which is why (Thank God) I remembered this message board because it helped me so much before. I don't know how much longer I'll have access to a computer, but I could use some help.
Thanks for listening.

Thank you for your reply. I know this is just a tough time right now and I'll get through it, but it really, really helps to have good ears that listen.
Thank you!
Hello :)
Thanks, Shawna.
I was in a serious down-hill spiral yesterday, and I wasn't sure I was going to pull out of it, but I MADE myself get up, shower, and go out to meet a friend last night even though it felt like, if you should pardon my expression "lifting weights" then entire time it took me to get there.
However, once I arrived, there was so much going on that I forgot all about my weight and my problems, and started talking to people about other things (filming and such), and frankly forgot all about how bad I had been feeling just hours before. I even woke up this morning with a hint of hope that I could rise above all of this and get healthy, find a career that I love and not just one that pays the bills, and maybe find a way to keep my apartment. Even though I had to leave my job (I felt I had no choice), I went and applied for UE today. I figure it's worth a shot. Then I came back and put on a dance CD and "worked out" for an hour. It's been really hard, but I've made myself drink my water and I've been trying to stay busy so that I don't binge again. No one said that life would be easy, but I keep trying to picture how it can be if I just stay on track and keep fighting for what I want.
Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement. You and everyone here are awesome folks, and I'm so glad for you and blessed to have you.
Thanks again,
Debbi the Hammer Chick
That is wonderful Debbie. I am so glad you are feeling better. You can do this (not just losing the weight, but everything else too). Post here as often as you can and tell us how you're doing.
Mary
247/won't tell/165
Edited 9/21/2005 6:20 am ET ET by merry_ivillage