Too Young to Die Yet Too Old To Keep...

Avatar for gobfuse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Too Young to Die Yet Too Old To Keep...
9
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 1:32pm

...trying! (darn discussion title limits characters!)


Okay, I have reached a goofy point in my life where I have turned 40 this year and currently, I need to lose 150 pounds - I weigh about 290 - the most I've ever weighed.


I was a 'normal' sized kid, but when I went away to college, that's when I started gaining weight, and it's just kept building over the years, even though I have lost then gained then lost again.


The last time I went to the Dr's and he tested my blood sugar, I was not diabetic, but I wasn't in the 'normal' range, either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 2:53pm
HI Julie and welcome to the board :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2005
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 3:31pm

Dear Julie

I read your message and alot of things you wrote about i could relate to. In my case I was 43 and weighed 280 the most i have ever weighed in my life so i know how are you are feeling. I felt helpless about my situation which lead me not to care for my life - i kept eating, not wanting to go any where. Very embarrassed about what i had become. My husband has been great and encouraged me to do something about loosing weight. He was over weight himself and started to loose weight by regularly excersing. I saw how good he was looking and feeling. I thought why cann't i do this do?

I had a wake up call when i saw a picture of my self- it was such a shock how huge i had became. Anyway i just started to watch what i ate - no formal diet plan, just healthier choices. I started to excerise a little and was amazed how good i was feeling and of course my clothes getting looser. It has taken me 1.5 years to lose 53 lbs - i hit sooooo many plateaus but i have just kept at it. I now doing free weights / cardio x3 a week - which i just love. Have gone down 4 sizes! I guess what i trying to say its a SLOW progress...... but iam determined to hang in therefor the long run. I refuse to let my weight be a hinderance to a happy life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2005
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 4:31pm

I feel for you so much. This isn't about if you have kids or not, losing you is still a loss to friends, hubbys and relatives. A loss is a loss and you don't sound like someone worth losing. Its sounds like you're suffering from some type of depression and you really should talk with a doc. I know how ya feel cuz I feel the same way sometimes, like its not worth the fight cuz we are all goin to wind up in the sme place someday, ha! Talk to a doc about the way you FEEL, not your weight. Committing slow suicide is still suicide and I bet your hub wold like you around for as long as possible. Getting out of the depression will help your outlook.

Keep us posted! I'll be here for ya!

sickofit

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 6:51am
Well Julie, I could relate to so much of what you are saying. I turned 54 last week and am so sick and tired of always trying to lose weight. Like Shawna said getting to one place and just maintaining. Boy that would be nice. Everytime I have gained it all back. Maybe I am just suspose to fat!! Stephanie 280/255/223 for now. Been this weight for a loooong time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 11:23am

Hi Julie,


i feel alot like you do but since i have made up my mind i want to see my grandbabies grow and be able t do things with them i continue on this trek.. i have my days where it seems why am i doing this.. then i remember hey now i can walk all over and things dont hurt as much.. i have days where i go try on clothes and still cant find me a pair of jeans at walmarts or kmarts.. i feel like throwing in the towel.. i am 46 and its not an easy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 9:49pm
It is really easy to think that you will never be thin or reach your goal so what is the point of trying. I felt that way often, but it isn't worth the alternitive. You have more than half your life yet to live and it is so worth it. Sit back and think of all the things you like to do, but can't because of your weight. I agree with sick of it. it sounds to me like you are really depressed and maybe you should see your Dr. If anything he could help you get started losing weight. I think once you get started losing you will feel so much better about yourself. I know my self confidence goes up when I eating well and exercising. Good luck. sharla
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 3:16am
The simple fact is that if you were happy with eating how you do, and staying at the weight you are, you wouldn't be depressed and frustrated with your weight or the side effects. In other words, your weight DOES bother you on some level. I know the feeling of wanting to just say "Forget it! I'll just eat the way I want to and damn the consequences." This is how I got to be 375 pounds.I am 31 years old. I also have no children, and my husband and I enjoy eating out at restauraunts, and we have no retirement plan. Sometimes I think subconciously, I won't need any kind of retirement because my obesity will kill me before I get to that age.I may as well die happy. But you know what? I'm NOT happy. My weight is stopping me from enjoying life NOW! I can no longer fit into a dining booth. I can't go to amusement parks and ride any of the rides because I don't fit. I have a hard time finding clothes large enough to fit me that I can afford. I even have to be careful of where i sit, because I am so heavy, I fear breaking the chair. Seat belts are often too small, or if they are big enough to go around me, they are very uncomfortable.I have decided that I am tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of my weight having so much control over every aspect of my life. So when you feel like all you want to do is eat the things you always eat, and do the things you always do, remember that all of that is preventing you from doing many of the things that you love. I have to remind myself of this every time I walk into the kitchen. Yes, its hard. Yes, its frustrating at times. But in the end, I beleive its worth it. Hang in there. Good luck in your endeavors.
Sincerely,
Katherine
Avatar for gobfuse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 11:03am

Wow - all of your answers have had me do some serious soul-searching over the last week, and I thank you for your help and advice.

Katherine - I really liked how you put it in perspective of how easy it would be to say 'damn it all', but you're right - when things don't fit, when you're afraid of sitting on a chair because you might break it, even when I wonder if people are looking at me and thinking certain things because I'm big - yes - these are all not good things.

There's a part of me that isn't happy with my weight and how it's limited my life. I do want to change, and to be able to walk into the kitchen and think the 'right' way.

Thank you all for your advice - I'm trying now to get my head around going forward the best way I can.

Julie

Julie and Tom Forever!
Daisypath Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 10:05am
Hi Julie - I understand how you feel! I feel the same way about 8 times a day, but I have to say something about the QUALITY of life. My mom decided that she was too old to change her ways and really ENJOYED fattening food, so she was going to darn will eat what she wanted and enjoy herself! She used the same rationale for smoking. Well, of course between the two she ended up with heart disease, diabetes, had a couple of strokes, and pretty much lived in pain and sickness for 10 years before dying far too early at 56. Her doctor said she had the body of an 80 year old woman. What I feel most bad about for her is NOT the early death - but the 10 years of hell that came before it. Obviously she had a very low quality of life. I keep that in mind now - because it isn't just the risk of dying young - but the risk of living a life that has NO enjoyment in it because I've damaged my health so badly. I think it is worth the struggle, just for that. And the best part for you is that your blood sugar is giving you a warning, but you aren't too late to reverse it! Healthy eating now will probably prevent full-blown diabetes, and all the terrible side effects that come with it! You'd be amazed how even a small difference can have a huge impact. I've been snoring REALLY bad for nearly a year - my husband pretty much moved downstairs. I was tested for sleep apnea and tried several remedies - nothing helped. I've now lost 30 pounds since July 25th, and I haven't snored ONCE since August!! If I'd known THAT was the answer, I could have done it a year ago instead of wasting my time in a sleep lab. :-)
Stasia
315/285/145