I need some advice - please

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
I need some advice - please
4
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 10:10am

Hello. I have a problem with a relative & I need some advice. My grandmother, who lives 5 minutes away from me 4 months out of the year (she lives in another state for the other 8 months) has always really smothered me during the time she's here. I moved to this town 3 years ago and since she's my only relative in the town, she feels like she needs to do everything in the world for me. I'm 27 year old, by the way, and have been on my own for 8 years.

Anyway - I've been eating better and exercising for 11 months now. My grandmother, who has always been a size 6, had cancer and lost some weight & is now a size 4. She LOVES that fact, even though she seriously looks sick because of her weight. Ever since I've been losing weight, she's become obsessed with weight. She talks about food and weight several times in one conversation. She now eats very little and expects me to do the same. I have cut back on my portions, but the amount she's eating is ridiculous. Even though I've lost over 60 lbs. without her help, she's constantly watching what I eat and telling me I shouldn't eat that much. She asks me every single day if I've lost anymore weight. I'm angry and upset with her for that, but I'm also very concerned about her. This obsession she has with food (or the lack of it) is really worrying me.

I guess my question has two parts. First of all, what should I say to her, without hurting her feelings (which is very easy to do) to get her to leave me alone about my weight? Second of all, how should I approach her eating disorder? I don't know if she could really be called anorexic, because she does eat 3 times a day, but the meals are about 10 bites per meal and she talks about how full she is for 2 hours afterwards.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 6:22pm
Hello -
I think we all had someone in our own family that always watched what we eat and always remind us to eat less and lose weight. For me, it was my grandmother too. In a way it is good that they do this to us because it keeps motivating ourselves and it also keeps us on the right path. I look at this as a reminder and this is something we will have to live and cope with. As far as telling her to stop, if it was me, I would probably tell her in a nice way that I am motivated to lose weight and I am so happy that you are here to support me but because I am so motivated, you don't have to remind me all the time; I won't let you down. Something like that. I am not good at giving advice but that's what I would do if it was me.
Take Care!
Tyson
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My Website: http://gotomydiet.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 2:24am

The nice me would say:


If your grandmother is the sensitive type, you probably shouldn't say anything to her, just smile and go about with your life.

Lady Jewel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 5:51pm

It's hard, but the absolute best thing you can do is just smile and let it go in one ear and out the other. Too much goes on in this world to worry about it all, especially if you feel it's unwarranted. And if you smile and say nothing, no worries about hurting feelings - yours or hers. No use blowing up and regretting it later. It's just a silly little thing she's got in her head. It doesn't need to affect you. Stick to the plan you believe in.

As for her, 10 bites per meal might not be too little, you know. Depends on what the 10 bites consist of. A size 4 is really little though. Unless she's pretty short she's probably underweight. Then again, if the weight loss is because of cancer, she's just ill. Do you ever go to the doctor when she visits? Go with her. I go with my gran and the doctor always talks to me about my concerns. A professional that knows her background is your best bet to find out if there is a problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 8:54pm
I agree, I would kinda try to get her mind off it and let it blow over before saying anything.