Husbands! Need I say more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2005
Husbands! Need I say more?
10
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 7:27pm

Ok yeah, I guess I will say a little more. :)

Mine has always said "No you aren't fat at all! Don't go on a diet, please. Blaaa, bla bla bla blah." And still says that. Even though.. we've been married for less than 2 years and I've gained about 40 pounds since he's been around, plonking me at 233.

He's always trying to get me to eat more, even bringing me snacks and asking if I want this or that. He highly disapproves of my weight loss efforts. And he says he doesn't like fat girls (Yes I did accuse him of it) hahaha.

Anyway. It's frustrating sometimes, though I'm getting over it somewhat now and doing my own thing. He keeps telling me "I won't like you any more if you lose weight" and other such things, but at this point it's in one ear and out the other.

I don't like ignoring him, but he knows that's my stance on the issue now. What he says doesn't count when it comes to my intake or my weight, because he's obviously wrong. Before I started dieting, he always told me I wasn't eating enough. Right. A starving 250 pound girl - anybody seen one of those?

It doesn't help that he looks like a little twig. I'm openly jealous of his physique and feel out of place since he's tall and slender and I'm a squatty little fat thing. Not sure what good it did to rant about all this, maybe my subconscious just needed to spit it out. If any of you need to complain about stuff like this, here's your chance. I started it :)

April a.k.a. Zeverai
(233/233/103)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 8:57pm

Hi April,


 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 7:36am
Yes I agree with rely. My husband wonders why I want to lose when I hover here around 250/260. Men are funny. Where would I go after being with him for 22 years. I am not interested in any other men or women for that matter!! I think they are just insecure and are afraid other men would like us and they certainly don't want that!! Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 7:30am

According to this, my husband is one heck of a secure guy... can I borrow your husband for a while?

Mary
247/214/165

Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 8:07pm

I was also thinking along the lines of the other ladies...maybe you've heard of stories where one spouse/partner loses a lot of weight and decides to move on with someone else. Maybe he's afraid if you lose weight, he will lose you to someone else. Do you see him as insecure, or is he possibly a controlling person? I find it a bit peculiar that he says he "doesn't like fat girls", but says that you're not eating enough, doesn't want you to lose weight, etc.


Maybe he doesn't realize that you want to lose weight not only to look better, but to feel better about yourself and enhance the relationship you possess. If he realized the benefits involved, maybe he would be more accepting and supportive of your efforts.


You need to do what makes YOU happy. Please remember that. I hope things work out for the best. Please keep us up to date...good luck :)


~Lori

    
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 12:38am

My co-workers husband just left her for the same reason.

The doctor told him he had to lose weight and she put him on the South Beach Deit and to be supportive she went on it too. Now she didn't need to lose weight she was already in maybe a 12 or 14....but she lost the weight! She went down to a Zero!

She is looking hot...but she is not young.

He lost all his weight...when she got home one day..there was a note on the table that basically said, "I am leaving you, if you need to talk to me, this is my attorney's phone number!" Can you imagine..what an A-hole.

To top it off he makes a hugh amount of money and she's just a clerical worker. AND He just purchased a new car and had it and her new Hummer re-financed. So now she has that note to pay for!

I would have taken half of his social security!

Why some men go off the deep end is amazing...

SussieQ

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 3:50am
Hey there!
Well, first of all, I should congratulate you on being able to find such a wonderful husband! (His species is probably nearly extinct!) He appreciates you for who you are, and does not go on and on about how he would like you to look. (Unlike my dance teacher, who's always going on and on about how I need to be stick-thin to look good in my leotard... ><) Therefore, you should really appreciate the fact that you've got such a great husband!
However, it is also customary for you to think about what YOU want. You want to lose weight, so go ahead. If he really is concerned about you, you may remind him that losing weight wouldn't just mean looking good, it would also mean that you will be much fitter! I'm sure he would go along with that!
Good luck then, and I hope things work out for you! (:
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 9:00am
I'm new to this board, but would love some advice/support dealing with husbands as well. I actually have the opposite problem as zeverai. My husband just told me he is embarassed to be with me because I'm so fat. As if losing all this weight isn't hard enough, he's really given my self-esteem a huge blow. Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 12:16pm

I feel for you Laura. My husband hasn't come out and said that he's embarrassed to be seen with me, but he does say, "Let's lose weight" all the time. He is saying both of us, but I have gained a lot more than him so I know it's really directed at me.

I don't have any wonderful advice, just live your life, and if he wants to be along for the ride, then great. Hopefully your husband is like mine..I've only lost 9 pounds so far, but he's seen me working out and trying to eat healthier and he says he's proud of me. Visually, I haven't changed yet but he realizes I'm trying. I hope that's the same for you. Hang in there!

Kate
261/252/145

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 1:05am

That is my secret fear too...that he will say enough is enough....maybe it is because I am sick of it myself.

SussieQ

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 7:48am
Everyone -
Thanks for all the words of advice and encouragement. I sat down with my husband last night and got ALL of the cobwebs out of the closet (I hope). There were some other issues that we have to deal with, but nothing unsurmountable. He managed to express himself much better and in a way that let's me know that he still loves me very much. I have to say that I'm still hurt, but I can see a silver lining today. I'm doing a food journal, exercising every day, and trying to focus on myself for the first time in years. I have a feeling I'll be using the board for extra support, there isn't much where I live.