Wakeup Call

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2005
Wakeup Call
12
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 1:31am

Gosh. Just when I think I know it all, my mom visits.

I showed her, my grandmother and my husband a picture of me when I was at 115 pounds, at a point I used to think I was at a good weight. The last few times I've looked at it, I see decidedly too much in the thigh area. I showed it to them for their opinion. Their first response was "Gosh, you were so skinny then! I didn't remember you being so skinny!"

That was, of course, both flattering and depressing. If I looked skinny in a picture, take ten pounds off for reality there. But then, it showed that they only remember me as fat, which is a bummer.

Then, the more my mom looked at it the more she agreed that I was still a bit too plump in the picture. Everyone but my diet-hating husband agreed that I should be right at 100 pounds to look good, from about 95-105 tops.

That kind of crushes my former plans to goal at 103 and rest easy even if I gained back to 110. Because at 115 I was a plump little thing. So, this spill was to document and offer explanation why my goal weight is now being moved from 103 to 95.

By the way, hi to all you new folks. When I have more time I'll get to know you.

April a.k.a. Zeverai
(233/227/95)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2005
In reply to: zeverai
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 9:37pm

Hello from a fellow Nobody. Excluded from life we are; woe is us - the victims of a waif-worshipping society.

Yeah. I've got problems. You've got problems. Everyone has problems, even the pretty people. Change for us humans is a simple equation: When the pain of staying in a situation outweighs the pain of remaining in the situation, we change. That means... we have to be pretty upset about being overweight, and damn serious about making a total and permanent change before it's going to happen.

I've been talking for years about being fat, meanwhile getting fatter. It was only about a month ago that something snapped inside my head, and that was just it. I'm not going to be fat any more; this most definately is not me. Now... you must consider that I am a very deliberate person. I think about this sort of thing for hours every day, and do a lot of self-help reading. My change is due to the momentum I have been gaining up for the past several years, coupled with a few really inspiring things I saw online the day I committed to the change.

So... to the people who say "Change comes from within, nothing anyone can say will help you" I must respectfully disagree. Whoever put those words on the internet did me a great help. I have found inspiration and clarity from the insight of others, and I dare say without the things I've written down in my fatbook for daily reference, I wouldn't be on the road to recovery - now or ever.

Anyway. I personally do not discriminate against people who are overweight. Maybe I empathize. I don't find it attractive, though. And I think that anyone who seeks to exist in the land of the living here in America has to carefully contemplate how they project themselves - from appearance to attitude. I feel that, at 24, I have lost many years of life by being overweight. I hold back emotionally for fear of failing due to how I look. Once I lose the weight, I'll feel free to develop into the person I should have been years ago.

Basically either you're going to be this Ideal You, or you're not. If you are, DO IT. Right now, as you read these words. The change takes you over and to go back to your old habits would be sacrilege. If you hesitate here, you're not ready, and perhaps you will be happier living behind your castle of flesh. Some people sincerely are more content with some such crutch, so they are not left to sort their way through the real world and their real feelings.

So. Just be honest with yourself. If you're serious, do something drastic for a week to seal your change and prove that you have the determination it takes. Right now I'm on a cereal-only diet for a week. That's Special K Cereal with 2% milk up to three times per day. When you let go of your eating habit, you have to face things, so be prepared for emotional trouble. But once you start addressing things, it all starts working out.

Go read what I said to this girl: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-fb100plus&msg=119617.4

And I think this is some important insight as well:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-fb100plus&msg=119623.2

Read all that and mull it over a little. If you have self respect and a desire to Live, you'll get there. If not, I'm sorry and maybe you should consider counseling. Hm. I'll leave you a couple things I've written in my little fatbook.

Mastering eating right will erase conflict and anguish associated with decisions about food.

We eat because we don't know that our feelings won't destroy us.

Just because you are "hungry" you don't need to eat. Make sure the "hunger" is deep and real before you eat anything. Drink water instead.

And.. something I've found is - forget 1,500 or 2,000 calories a day. Your body will show you what is appropriate for you. If you're having the recommended 1,500 cals/day and you're 50 pounds overweight, go figure. We're all different. Listen to your body and not your mind.

So. There's my spill for you. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2005
In reply to: zeverai
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 9:57pm

Self, you dumb fat thing. You just said something to the girl that doesn't make sense. HEY, here's what I meant to say:

Change for us humans is a simple equation: When the pain of staying in a situation outweighs the pain of moving out of that situation, we change.

Ooh, that makes it better, doesn't it?

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