New girl in town
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| Thu, 04-27-2006 - 6:33pm |
I posted this originally on another board, but I figured it couldn't hurt to post here too.
My name is Kelly. I'm 28, 5'6", and close to 275 lbs. This is the biggest I have ever been. I have always been overweight and I come from a family where both parents are overweight. A few years ago, I finished grad school and ended up moving in with my parents while I found a job. During that time, I managed to start exercising and lost 35 lbs. I was smaller than I was in high school. However, I soon found a job teaching in a high school and ended up moving out of state. I was very stressed out and ended up putting the 35 lbs back on and then some. I eventually lost that job and found another in the same state, but even farther away from everyone I love. So, while I am more successful in my job this year, I have gained even more weight. I have gone from a size 16 to a size 22/24. I guess one of the biggest indicators that my weight was out of control was when I went to try on my bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding in October. I bought the biggest size, and it's still too small! I really hate the idea of having to get the dress altered to make more room for my expanding body, but unfortunately, it hasn't "shocked" me into losing weight.
I have virtually no support system where I live because all of my family and friends live far away. I have a few acquaintances at work, but I don't feel comfortable discussing my weight with them, especially since many of them are very health-conscious and do not have weight problems anyway. My family is certainly supportive, but not when it comes to weight loss. My father is close to 300 lbs, but he has been on the Atkins diet since January and has lost over 30 lbs. He can't understand why the Atkins diet doesn't work for everyone and pretty much tells me that giving up carbs is the only way to go. As a confirmed pasta lover, I can't give it all up cold turkey. My brother is 6'0 and probably around 170 lbs. He has never had an weight problem and he does not like to discuss weight loss with anyone. Finally, my mother is probably my biggest problem. She has extreme self-esteem issues and is constantly putting them on me. Everytime I go home to see her, all she can talk about is my need to lose weight. She even told me that if I don't lose weight, I'll embarrass my brother at his wedding. I know that's not true; my brother and his fiancee have never, ever suggested that my weight bothers them. But, it hurts when your own mother, who is probably as big as you are if not more, tells you that you embarrass your family. Now, that should have shocked me into losing weight, but it hasn't.
Finally, I have a boyfriend, Dan, whom I have been seeing for the last 5 months. Everything is great, but there's a slight difference in our builds. Though he and I are the same height, he is more than half my size. So you can imagine how we must look together. Plus, I'm sure you can imagine what it does to my already self-conscious nature, especially where the bedroom is concerned. He's never commented on my weight, but he knows how much it bothers me. However, he does not offer advice because he knows how angry I get when anyone tries to tell me how to lose weight. So, you would think the self-consciousness and desire to be attractive would shock me into losing weight. It hasn't.
I know I need to lose weight. I can't get around it. But, I haven't, as far as I can tell, had that moment where I really realized that I need to lose weight. I am certainly aware of health risks and I definitely do not want to top out at 300+ lbs. Hell, I remember a time where I told friends that if I reached 200 lbs, I wanted to be shot. (I was in high school at the time...wasn't real bright). Now, I feel like I have to lose weight, but I can't decide if I'm doing it for others or myself. I don't like to exercise. I don't always eat the wrong things, I just eat too much. I've tried Weight Watchers, but since I teach for a living, I really can't afford registration fees every week. I have a gym membership, but I refuse to go because I live in a very small town and many of my colleagues and students work out at the gym because it's the only one in town. I don't want them to see me getting worn out after only a few minutes, so I just don't bother.
To me, I sound like a total lost cause. I know I need to lose weight, but I can't bring myself to do it. I would love to lose at least 50 lbs by the time my brother's wedding comes around in October, so I really need to start soon. So, after all this background, I am hoping someone can give me the kick in the butt I need to do this. Maybe someone who understands where I'm coming from as opposed to my family and friends who are either dealing with their own issues or have no idea what this is like anyway.
Please give me any and all advice you can when it comes to diet, exercise, self-control, whatever. I need all the help I can get.
Thanks for listening.
Kelly

Hi Kelly,
First let me just assure you that if they think bad of you for trying to better your life then they aren't worth consideration (refering to the gym situation here). As for your mom, all I can say is I am sooo sorry she hurt you like that, and I hope she didn't really mean it the way it sounded. Now as far as kicking your butt into gear, well speaking from experience you are the ONLY one that can do that for yourself. For me it took similar comments that you said your mom made only thankfully it wasn't from my family, but my sil family. But it motivated me enough to want to prove them wrong, then i realized, I want to prove myself wrong. I just began this on easter, I mean seriously began. I lost 4.5 lbs last week. I don't think I have lost this week, but I know I haven't gained. I have been struggling bad this week, and this is a struggle but if you are strong enough to move that far away from your loved ones then I know you are strong enough to survive this struggle. Now don't take this the wrong way but you said you wanted someone to kick your butt into gear so I am lifting my foot to kick your butt, now you do the same for me...LMAO (hope I at least got a tiny smile there)!! I wish you the best of luck in your journey, and just so you know you aren't alone, I can't do low carb either, it makes me physically ill to try. Bravo to your dad for being successful with it but like you said it ain't for everyone.
Best of luck to you and hope you stick around.
Angela
PS one last thing, Don't do this for everyone else, do this for you!! Just use showing them up as motivation!!! GO GIRL!!!
Angela
Welcome aboard Kelly. Getting started is always the hardest part for me. It took me a few months since I decided that I needed to lose the weight and actually
Kelly,
First off this is a great place for support and information
on the differnet diets that are out there.I started mine 3 1/2 weeks ago
and lost 24 lbs so far I know some is water due to haveing a baby april 3
but my pre weight and after baby weight was 255 and now I am 231.
It is so hard but after being fat for years and having to shop in the plus
section size 20's I need to do something.
My hubby 2 is skinny I have a 100 lb gain on him! And what bothers me also
is I weigh more than pro football players and I am a gal!
I came here for support because my family is skinny and doesn't understand
that dieting is hard my hubby said if your not happy quit eating the junkfood
pizza ect I said easier said than done lets see how well you do without the foods
you love and have eaten all your life!
Anyway I am doing it and doing it for me I want to be able to get outdoors
and do things with my kids instead of the fat mom that sits in the shade like
every year!
And as far as the adkins it's not for every1 I tried it dont like it so now
I am just eating a very low calorie diet that lets ya eat whatever as long
as its healthy and less calories.Example I buy fat free butterball turkey
low calorie/fat wheat bread fatfree sharp shedder slices and make sandwhiches
for lunch with mustard 160 calories total for the sandwhich!
Dinner I bake chicken with different spices and have a side of green beans
(I am not a big veggie eater but I try)then for a snack I have fat free jello
fat free whipp cream fat free pop cycles fudge pops, lowfat popcorn.
South beach has awesome tasting wraps in the deli section they are good and
come with a fat free jello and 2 wraps either turkey ham/turkey bacon/
chicken ranch all under 300 calories!
well good luck and hope to hear from ya niapage
Hi Kelly,
Welcome to the board! I'm new here too, and have found it to be a very supportive place. I can't really add too much to what pp have said because they're right and you have to find the motivation for yourself. I had a similar experience to what you're describing with your dress for your brother's wedding, only mine was for my own wedding dress (I ended up getting it altered to fit my growing size). I know this is hard--there's no getting around how hard it is. I hope you find some of the support you need here on the board and can find the motivation in yourself to want to be healthier.
Holli
Hello, Kelly, and welcome!
You can't imagine how many of your issues resound with me (and, I'd suspect, many of the people on this board), right down to the "shoot me if I get to be 200 lbs" scenario. Back then, I couldn't even imagine what 200 lbs. looked like, LOL!
The fact that you're reaching out to these boards makes me think that you are at least partly doing this for yourself already. You have lots of good reasons to be successful! (Sorry that doesn't include your mother... that sort of behavior just brings out the most oppositional side of my nature... but try, try to ignore it for the most part.)
My best bit of advice is to just start, perhaps with one small thing first, and build from there. And don't let one slip throw you off stride. Last week, I ate a pizza (yes, a whole pizza, not a slice). But after I freaked out, I plugged the calories/fat/etc. into my program and realized that the setback wasn't going to be fatal to my program unless I let it continue. A GIANT GIANT slip, but useful because it reminded me that eating like that wasn't the solution to anything... even hunger. And I really felt physically awful afterwards, so why let it happen again?
As for $$$, if you like the Weight Watchers plan, you might check their website for the online version (cheaper than weekly visits). Or, if possible, you could find a good nutritionist. You can get advice (that you probably already have memorized) up front, and it's someone to be accountable to on a regular basis. I see mine once a month, but you could go less often. The first visit was $75, followups are $25. Worth it for me, because she's the only (face-to-face) person in my life thus far who hasn't either teed me off with their comments about weight loss (so sensitive about this issue!)or sabotaged me (guess who bought my favorite pizza when I was having a bad day?). I also love the slimfast.com nutrition log, which calculates your calories, fat, fiber, etc. for you. It's free, and you don't need to include Slim-Fast products in your diet. Other folks on the board have mentioned similar sites...
As for the gym, boy, can I empathize! The university I work for has great and inexpensive facilities, and a month ago I wouldn't have set foot on a treadmill for fear of looking ridiculous or causing a panic. I started walking outdoors instead, 10k steps or more a day, and now feel so much better that I'm *pretty* sure I won't pass out if I hit the gym. Love those endorphins!
Anyway, enough of my rambling. I really do hope you'll enjoy it here. Look forward to hearing from you...
Misha
275.5/255/135
Thanks for all of the support! I can't believe the responses I've gotten within just a few days.
I was going to officially start the diet today, but I had such a lousy day, I ended up ordering a pizza and pigging out. Being an emotional eater really sucks and it's the biggest problem to overcome, I think, when dieting. Plus, with my job (high school English teacher) stress is a daily thing - an excuse I've probably used for too long. Oh well, there's always tomorrow, right?
I'm going to try and take Merry's advice of changing 1 little thing every day. Unfortunately, I'm not sure where to start. My biggest problems are not drinking enough water, not exercising, portions that are too big, and a caffeine addiction that is easiest satisfied by soda (though I can and will drink diet when possible). I guess since these are all pretty big issues, I've gotta start with what looks like the smallest issues, and that's either cutting back on soda or drinking more water. I guess if I drink more water, the less soda I will drink. Makes sense. Hmmm... Oh, by the way, if you're sitting here wondering why I'm writing all this, it's probably more to help me figure out where to go next. Feel free to comment, but I know I'm one of those people who has to think things out on paper....er, computer.
OK, tomorrow, more water. I think I can do that. :)
You're like me.. I ramble on computer all the time too.. and if I can't find a computer I write in my notebook. Have to have a plan in black and white.. and not only for diet.. there is a things to do.. things to buy.. all sorts of stuff written down. I am crazy LOL
Water is a great start... good luck and keep us posted!