Some thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Some thoughts
6
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:01am

This may not make much sense, I'm just jotting down stuff


Why is it that each time I make a commitment I end up like this. Yes I do want to lose the weight. I do want to look better and fit into my older clothes. And yes I am doing this just for the looks. I start the week with the best intentions and want all this great stuff to happen and I end up with a dreadful week. Heck I even start the day with the best intentions and by the bed time I would be all high and 'need' to have this and 'need' to have that.. and what the heck there is always tomorrow. And I calculate my calories and it's not 'that bad'. I only made it to 2,000 with all this messing up. And I just feel good about me again. I KNOW I can't lose when I'm at 2,000. Heck I can't lose when I'm at 1,500 either. It has to be lower than this at least for a while. I am just not seeing enough progress. And I hate to go into denial and pat myself on the back and tell myself that everything will be OK and this is a learning process. If it's a learning process then how come I'm not 'learning'? I go to my MIL's and it's like super willpower in the morning and it fades at noon, then I start thinking that 'this is a good day to be a free day'. And I stop journaling and I stop weighing in. Denial! If I can't see it, then it's not happening. I am not sure if I have gained any weight (doubt it). But sure I"m not losing. And when I look at the complete picture I know this is not fast enough. This is not fast at all. And enough about all the crap I keep convincing myself that slowly is the way to go. I agree, but this is pathetic. This is 1 pound a month slow! This is being lazy not being slow.. this is crawling towards the goal and taking plenty of naps on the way. I don't really go off the road, I lay down and sleep. At least I know I'll be doing great with maintenance.


I just want to start again. A clean fresh start. And give it all I have. But I just don't have the super high motivation and willpower. You know that feeling that you can 'really do it' and you're so excited and willing to jump into it. I don't have that.


What I don't need is a pat on the back. I don't need anybody telling me that I am doing fine because I'm not. If I keep at it I will never lose any more weight.


I don't feel 'excited' right now, but I can be consistent in the upcoming days. I can plan my meals, plan my shopping list, and take short walks. I can follow a boring schedule. We'll see how it works.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
In reply to: cl_merry_am
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:17am
Mary, I could have written this. It is exactly how I feel at times. You know, I wish I could make you feel better. And I wish I had words of wisdom. But I'm not sure how I even pull thru at times. Just like this morning when I got on the scale. I gained 1.5. WTF!!! And in my mind I am saying. I can't do this. I give up. But then a little voice says no you are not giving up. It may take longer then I like or want but I can do this. I did it b4. I can do it again. Maybe it's b/c my bf likes me just the way I am. But I don't. I hate it. I'm aiming for 190 and I don't even know if I'll like it there. I wish I would never had put all this weigh and then some back on. I'm tired of my clothes clinging to me and showing everything embarassing. I try to eat the right things and I think I am doing good. No chips, cookies or anything like that. So I just keep pulling thru whatever is thrown at me. I hope you can too. I hope you feel in better spirits soon.

 
 
 
 

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_merry_am
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 9:23am

Mary,


I wish I had some magical word that would make you feel better and get you back on track. Heck if I did, I'd say them to myself....


I know it has been said, but we do all slip...and fall...and stay down for a while....BUT, we HAVE to get back up.


And not just for the LOOKS...for the health of it...For me I do NOT want to be on Blood pressure medicine for the rest of my life...and I do not want to end up on an insulin pump like my dh.


I think with you dh being diagnosed type 2, it should help with your quest. Helping him eat better will help you.


Sorry, if I do not have the words of wisdom you are looking for but....I am here for you!!!

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 Karen


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
In reply to: cl_merry_am
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 9:27am

I am just glad to hear that someone else out there feels like that. Geez it is sooo hard sometimes isn't it? I mean I can get motivated for a week or so and really lose then I get unmotivated and usually gain it back, this time at least I concentrated on NOT doing that. Mary I am here to encourage you as you always encourage me. YOu can do this, we both can, we just have to MAKE ourselves and no more excuses. I too am doing this for looks, but I also have my health to think about as well yet I still have trouble with it. YOu would think I would see how much better I feel when I am doing right, how much better I can breathe and move and do, and it would be easy to stay motivated but it just isn't so. I have a nasty temper that seems to flare up a lot lately, but then DH seems to have fell and bumped his head and think I am going to put up with stupidity from him so I guess I have a reason and as I learned last week anger fuels my eating. SO it is hard, but I know we are both strong women and that we can find a way to overcome our minds. Good luck to you and me both and anyone else out there going through this to do what we need to do. WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

Angela

 

Angela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
In reply to: cl_merry_am
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 5:40pm
I know what y'all mean. I am usually VERY motivated when I start out my day. Thinking, ok, I can have a granola bar for breakfast, go for a bike ride or a walk because its a lovely day, and just generally do really good. Then by the end of the day, the only things I've done is play on the computer and eaten all the junk food I can find in the house. And I feel rotten. But then I try to tell myself that I will just have to start over again tomorrow. Well, its 2:30pm PDT here and all I've done is read my email and play games on the computer today even though the weather is decent enough to go for for that walk or ride. So, I'm going to sign off for now and get off my fat a** and move around! And NOT just to walk to the kitchen! I mean outside with the fresh air and any sunshine I can find. (its mostly cloudy right now, but at least it isnt raining.) Well, enough ranting on my part. See everyone tomorrow after my weigh-in. Hopefully this walk will make some more weight go away. :)
Good Luck!
Katherine
349.2/347.8/140 Mini-goal: size 26 jeans
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
In reply to: cl_merry_am
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 7:07am
Thanks for the replies everyone. It somehow feels better when you see others going through this. Not that I wish it for anyone, it just feels better to see that you're not alone. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that after such a long time I'm still facing the same struggles. I am doing better now. Not as well as I want to, but better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
In reply to: cl_merry_am
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 12:29pm

Glad you're doing better, and thanks for being so open about the continuing struggle. I think you're helping a lot of people...

Have you gone for your walk today? (Consider your fanny kicked, and please feel free to return the favor!)

Misha