Some thoughts
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| Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:01am |
This may not make much sense, I'm just jotting down stuff
Why is it that each time I make a commitment I end up like this. Yes I do want to lose the weight. I do want to look better and fit into my older clothes. And yes I am doing this just for the looks. I start the week with the best intentions and want all this great stuff to happen and I end up with a dreadful week. Heck I even start the day with the best intentions and by the bed time I would be all high and 'need' to have this and 'need' to have that.. and what the heck there is always tomorrow. And I calculate my calories and it's not 'that bad'. I only made it to 2,000 with all this messing up. And I just feel good about me again. I KNOW I can't lose when I'm at 2,000. Heck I can't lose when I'm at 1,500 either. It has to be lower than this at least for a while. I am just not seeing enough progress. And I hate to go into denial and pat myself on the back and tell myself that everything will be OK and this is a learning process. If it's a learning process then how come I'm not 'learning'? I go to my MIL's and it's like super willpower in the morning and it fades at noon, then I start thinking that 'this is a good day to be a free day'. And I stop journaling and I stop weighing in. Denial! If I can't see it, then it's not happening. I am not sure if I have gained any weight (doubt it). But sure I"m not losing. And when I look at the complete picture I know this is not fast enough. This is not fast at all. And enough about all the crap I keep convincing myself that slowly is the way to go. I agree, but this is pathetic. This is 1 pound a month slow! This is being lazy not being slow.. this is crawling towards the goal and taking plenty of naps on the way. I don't really go off the road, I lay down and sleep. At least I know I'll be doing great with maintenance.
I just want to start again. A clean fresh start. And give it all I have. But I just don't have the super high motivation and willpower. You know that feeling that you can 'really do it' and you're so excited and willing to jump into it. I don't have that.
What I don't need is a pat on the back. I don't need anybody telling me that I am doing fine because I'm not. If I keep at it I will never lose any more weight.
I don't feel 'excited' right now, but I can be consistent in the upcoming days. I can plan my meals, plan my shopping list, and take short walks. I can follow a boring schedule. We'll see how it works.





Mary,
I wish I had some magical word that would make you feel better and get you back on track. Heck if I did, I'd say them to myself....
I know it has been said, but we do all slip...and fall...and stay down for a while....BUT, we HAVE to get back up.
And not just for the LOOKS...for the health of it...For me I do NOT want to be on Blood pressure medicine for the rest of my life...and I do not want to end up on an insulin pump like my dh.
I think with you dh being diagnosed type 2, it should help with your quest. Helping him eat better will help you.
Sorry, if I do not have the words of wisdom you are looking for but....I am here for you!!!
Karen
I am just glad to hear that someone else out there feels like that. Geez it is sooo hard sometimes isn't it? I mean I can get motivated for a week or so and really lose then I get unmotivated and usually gain it back, this time at least I concentrated on NOT doing that. Mary I am here to encourage you as you always encourage me. YOu can do this, we both can, we just have to MAKE ourselves and no more excuses. I too am doing this for looks, but I also have my health to think about as well yet I still have trouble with it. YOu would think I would see how much better I feel when I am doing right, how much better I can breathe and move and do, and it would be easy to stay motivated but it just isn't so. I have a nasty temper that seems to flare up a lot lately, but then DH seems to have fell and bumped his head and think I am going to put up with stupidity from him so I guess I have a reason and as I learned last week anger fuels my eating. SO it is hard, but I know we are both strong women and that we can find a way to overcome our minds. Good luck to you and me both and anyone else out there going through this to do what we need to do. WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!
Angela
Angela
Good Luck!
Katherine
349.2/347.8/140 Mini-goal: size 26 jeans
Glad you're doing better, and thanks for being so open about the continuing struggle. I think you're helping a lot of people...
Have you gone for your walk today? (Consider your fanny kicked, and please feel free to return the favor!)
Misha