cant control my emotions or my weight

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
cant control my emotions or my weight
20
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 8:47pm
i cant control my emotions the guy i like is leaving the countary i wont meet him cause im fat im going to lose him forever im devastated i keep eating im losing it everything is shattering im lost cant lose weight i eat eat eat im stressed out if he doesnt respond or talk to me or ignore me a bit i get devastated my mind is occupid with him all the time whats wrong with me i gained 30lbs thinkning about him and now cant lose it and cant even show him my face helppppp

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 12:59pm
hey sara what u told me really opened my eyes that maybe im slowly becoming a patient of depression i dont want to i really dont want to but the only thing that gets me is the topic of my friend the rest i can control i think dont know why this is happening but im doing better for the past two days only ate like 4pcs of bread each day as compared to my 11-15pcs im addicted to the effect therefore trying to stay away from them.
Angela yes i felt that way when i started about leaving plans in august i dont know what he has in mind on one side he talks about leaving on the other he literlly begs me to call him forcing me to buy a cell so that we can talk almost evryday and he can call me he even asks me to call him at night time around 12am or so, writes my birthday date so that he remembers and how excited he is that i will be getting a cell today which is purely casue of his constant requests and then he talks about how happy he is on leaving and that he wont be marrying any girl from here since they all are stupid. I dont get him
, where hes heading i think just passing time ,no wonder he has alottt of female friends that are just friends. Honestly hes the one always pushing me to call him and everything else i never show any signs and never admitted verbally that i like him dont want to make a fool of myself if theres nothing in response anyways hes gonna ask me to call him and talk to him and then even after all this will leave. i think i will just go on thats it for now.btw he told my sis we are just friends and that im a nutty professor thats what hes calling me for today not to mention silly girl, fatty, weirdo and Lady Impossible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 10:29am

You poor guy! This guy is totally playing with your head. I know exactly what he's doing, because I've gone threw the same thing with a close male friend of mine when I was in college.

He's a friend that's all. And that's all he thinks of you as. But he wants you to want him. That's what all the flirtatious behavior is about! See he doesn't see you as a 'girlfriend' type and there is nothing you can do to change that. But he still gets off on the power trip, of getting you to do things like call him at certain times. He flirts with you to keep you on the hook. It's a guy thing, it makes him feel like a stud, powerful, like some sort of rock star, having you jump everytime he calls!

Don't be embarrassed or ashamed it happened to me, and it's happened to my girlfriends. WE all got into these screwed up relationship with a male friend, who we thought we had a spark with, and in time were sure it would develop into a real romatinic relationship. Or course they never do. Guys either are into a girl or not into her, and they decided that at the first meeting. After that you could stand pole dance sticking hundred dollar bills in his pants and he you wouldn't change his mind about you.

The best you thing you can do is take back control of this relationship. Limit your phone calls to him to once a day or less. let him call you, After you've talked to him your one time and he calls you let it go to voicemail. Purposely change the subject when he gets flirty. When he mentions other women (these guys love to make us jealous) smile and encourage him. say things like "Yah I agree you wouldn't be a good match for a girl in the usa." with all sincerity. or end the phone call, just hang up and tell him you got cut off.
You can't make him think of you as a girlfriend, but you can reclaim your dignity and self-confidence if you take control back.
You said your parents are arranging a marriage for you, perhaps it's your uncertainty about this that is making you cling to this 'friend' imagining he has alot more to offer than he really has. Instead I think you should focus on getting to know this man you might be marrying. call him, write him, talk and find out more about him. As you get control of your relationships you might be better able to control your diet.
There is a great book called 'He's not that into you." You should read it. It explain this behavior perfectly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:01am

Hon I so agree with Sara, TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!! Now I am not quite sure I understand the arranged marriage issue, you <>, I take that to mean that situation is over and done with, but I may be wrong!
Guys will play girls, and ya know what we can play them too. I never realized it when I was younger but looking back I now realize I played a few myself in my younger days, but it wasn't intentional on my part! A lot of them do it intentionally (guys and girls) and like Sara said it is to build theirselves up. If he is going to dangle you on a string then you HAVE GOT TO cut that string! Don't let him do that. I agree with Sara, cut back on the calling, if he begs you to call tell him you will try then don't. When he asks tell him you just got too busy to call, you are sorry!! If you are calling from a cell phone tha hanging up and saying you lost your connection will definitely work!! Whatever you decide you have got to live life for you, not for a guy, cuz if you live for a guy you will only lose in the end, TAKE MY WORD FOR THAT!! Believe me, I have been there done that!! Sitting at home waiting for him to call is no fun whatsoever. Ya know what though, I got lucky, while I was sitting home waiting for the last one to call, I got online and met dh, and realized that guy I was waiting on, isn't the one after all!!! LMAO. Put yourself out there and you may be pleasantly suprised!! Mr. Right is out there somewhere, but until he shows up, just live and enjoy life! I don't know about the whole arranged marriage thing, I know a lot of people do that, personally I don't think I could, but like Sara said, it wouldn't hurt to talk to him, IF that situation isn't over and done with, and get to know him. Once again, you may be pleasantly suprised!! Life does work in mysterious ways and so does GOd!!

Angela




Edited 7/17/2006 11:04 am ET by angelashivers2006

 

Angela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 1:34am
thanks angela and sara im trying to control my life but my heart is out of control im good for two days i didnt talk to him but i must admit its killing me i check for him like 1000 times per day waiting for his email sopme times i think of turning the tables and play him instead like show careness and everything and make it clear to him that even im not interested in him and dont have time to think about him but all this may make him go away from me i dont know but i want my dignity and self respect back yes id o but will i be making a mistake i dotn have any choice as it is cause he is leaving its a lose lose battle well i feel that way all the rational thinking and everything doesnt get to my head i like himm so much but i have to change and play him now an dend this at my own terms even a msg from him brings this excitment fear and happiness in me he does nothing special as a matter of fact hes boring but i like him still i dont know what attracted me to him.guys who i nkow even online for like 5-8months they started telling me that they like me but hes so stubborn why do i had to liek such a guy, i hate to admit but i keep waiting for him all the time it gives me headaches but i think instead of runnign away i should talk to him and put him down it will be so hard and let him realize that he cant get all women! since he doesnt respect women at all hes sucha chauvinist and hypocrit a nyhow what do u think?
i want to get so beautifull by septmeber that he feels sorry for his loss! even the thought makes me sad
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:53am

From the other replies I see that

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 12:50pm
hi there yes i agree with all and have learned from u guys thanks for the advice all this past two weeks i have gone through a roller coaster of emotions about him the pros and cons even killed my feelings for him 20% trying to get my life in order and i have a control on my eating a bit now :D not many breads maybe its becouse i havnt been talking to him for the past 10 days he msgd me where are you? i just gave a reply than he msgd back very happy for me replying and reminding me that hes leaving in 2 weeks and askig me to call him and that he will be expectig my call i didnt answer back instead when he was away on msn i quickly left him a hi and how are u msg and left :) i think im trying to get in control now and im filled with such "negative " feelings for him right now that if i talk and he will try to bring me down or insult me called me a FOB he will get it. i have decided that instead of running away from him i will talk to him and try to bring the relationship thats in my mind to a freindship and just casual level fro my self it already is for him but its so hard i get so excited when i get in contact with him and im also goin to be more truthfull now in my approach im tired of lies and everything else and one more thing since i have been trying to take my mind away from him i have been very productive worked 60hours in 5 days controlled eating and ahve been a bit happy too :) i hope i maintain this. btw i intend to talk to him today or chat rather wish me best of luck:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 5:53pm
Good luck and glad to hear you are doing so much better.

Angela


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Angela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 3:53am

I'm glad you're feeling better.. 60 hours of work?! That's one busy girl. BTW how did the chat go?

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Aiming at my

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 10:47am

the chat "the chat" it started plainly with both of us ignoring eachother it always happens when theres a gap for like 1 or 2 week but i said hi and then he started talking was just waiting for me to msg i guess and then on his request i called him he kept asking me to meet him right that evening and i said no later he said i will leave and may never come back i said im going to be here if u come back we will meet and i said it it makes no difference(may be he got the idea behind that line) , anyhow i promised i will get cell the next day and call him buy i didnt thats on monday but imgetting cell today.
Today another news from him has broken my heart and now i want to cry away and some how forget all this i read his email from yesterday , im pasting it here :

""I thought I email you today. Since I don’t have anyone to share how I feel, might as well share it with you. Don’t know why today was such an awkward day. Quite….the morning wind as though sweetness was leaving in the cool wind. Sometimes the breeze would flap the curtains and sometimes it would stop. I put on another smile charge myself out the door to work for another successful day… so it happened. I came home after work had dinner, then went off to the gym. Met an old friend …. And then he mentioned… about the girl I liked. He said she’s getting married on August 12.

Sometimes I know no one will understand the intensity of blood rush I go through listening to such news. I am so terribly feeling sick; from a smile …my heart bloomed as if like a burnt flower. My day has once again turned into a painful nightmare. Out of all the people why do I have to hear things like that… I question myself. Why do things turn on me in such manner? Perhaps, I am punished, for sinning…? I loved therefore I have sinned. What greater punish would that be? Torment within owns thought of nostalgic past….? Then I say to myself, I wish I hadn’t loved for I have sinned so… I hate myself for what I’ve put myself through. Sometimes I wish I had a reverse button to end this feeling from where it started. You must be thinking I’m nuts … hah I feel so sad you wont believe the intensity of sadness I am in right now. I just can’t wait to leave …. I so want to forget my life from here…anyhow I think I have eaten your time and brain, sorry if this was too much to share… ""


This is his email and his saying why he loved this and that and want to leave is somehow making me realize im just a friend nothign esle maybe im wrong but i get jealous of his feelings for "her" i will go mad ! now im not going to talk to him i cant put up a friendly front when im sad and encourage him cant he see what hes doing to me when he knows hes the only going i ever connected with and besides saying no no im now listening to him anyhow i just hope he leaves and stop talking to me!! and i also forget him since i have no future with him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 11:23am
No I doubt he does see what he is doing to you!! Guys don't think like we do, it took me a LONG time to realize that but I have finally realized it. Fact is your relationship with this guy sounds VERY much like the one I had right before I met Dh. I thought I loved this guy so much, and he was engaged to someone else. When they broke up I thought here is my chance to finally get him to love me. We had been such great friends for so long, and I am who he turned to when his heart was broken

 

Angela

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