I fell off the wagon and can't seem to
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 10:31am |
catch up to climb back on. Between worrying about things (mostly stupid things), stress, and just life in general, the past days haven't been good. I fell off Friday and I am so not back on yet. For some reason this insatiable hunger hit me Friday and I havne't been able to get it to go away. I will try to occupy my mind elsewhere thinking it is mental not physical hunger then I get so sick cuz alas it is physical hunger that I pig out! Why is it that every few weeks I sabatoge my own self??? It always seems to happen when I want to lower my calories and try to lose faster too. Maybe I am destined to lose this weight 1 lbs a week!! I guess that is fine, I just REALLY wanted to lose 25-30 lbs before I went shopping for "office clothes". But if trying to losing faster is going to drive me to gaining then there is no point in trying. I am up 3 lbs from the 1st of the month and it has been steadily up for the last 3 days so I am beginning to think that it isn't bloating causing the jump. I have been so stressed out with life issues though, and I guess I lost my priorities. BUt it is time to get them back. I am ashamed to admit I went and bought cupcakes last night to make me feel better. I stopped at 1 though!!! That is better than eating 2 or 3 like I would have done a few months ago. I am stressed over school and finances dealing with school. I am worried over this test I have to take Sat, and whether I will make good enough for them to offer me the job. I am still a bit worried over putting ds in daycare despite I know it is for everyone's benefit in the family. My going back to work will bring in extra money and it will give us better benefits. Dh's insurance is not even worth having and IF I can just get this job with the state, we will all have good insurance, and maybe I can finally find the source of my headaches and get it taken care of once and for all. Or maybe the headaches are hitting so often out of SHEER BOREDOM of sitting here day after day. After 7 yrs I have to say I am bored with being home day after day. I am lonely, I love ds but let's face it a 2 yr old isn't the best conversationist. LOL I want to get back out in the world and do something for me for a change. Ds is bored here too. There is nothing for him to do other than play with the same ole toys day after day, I would get bored. No one for him to play with when DD's are in school. I think he would be happier with other kids to play with but I am worried about the bad habits I know he will pick up in daycare. It is bad enough to fend them off from his sister. Don't get me wrong I know sooner or later he will get exposed to the bad habits anyways, DD picked them up from K5 this year so I know he will still pick them up anyways. Okay I am rambling and probably not making sense, let's suffice it to say I have been stressed adn worrying about everything and fell off that dadblasted wagon so can someone lend a helping hand to hoist me back up on there??
Angela

Don't panic angela, we all go through these stages. I know when my diet center reduced my calories, I went into a tail spin. I think the the reduced calories really stressed me out, I'm a total food addict and binger! I couldn't stop thinking about what I wasn't eating! After 6 months of dieting without a binge, I found myself binging again almost daily, sometimies it was something harmless like sugarfree popsicles, but after eating seven or eight of them in a row, it was still a binge!
Finially I went in to the diet center and told them the reduced calorie was really freaking me out, and they increased my daily allowance of calories by about 200. It worked great I was able to control of my eating again and start losing!
Also after you overeat, don't punish yourself by telling yourself that you won't eat anything for the rest of the day. Just put it behind and continue with your diet plan, maybe slightly healthier choices like a lite salad for dinner.
I know for me just the idea that I can't eat, freaks me out and makes me crave food (high calorie food too) more than ever! so when I slip up and overeat, I simply tell myself to put it behind me and not think about it, I still eat regularly.
Food is a very emotional issue, and when you denie yourself because of diet or to punish yourself for overeating, it will cause you to crave it more leading you to a viscious sycle of overeating, feeling guilty, resolving not to eat, craving the food more, overeating again.
I think it's great that when you do 'cheat' it alot less than you would have before. I point that out to myself when I fall off the wagon, "Okay so I ate 2 slices of combination pizza, when I was just going to eat salad for dinner, but HEY 2 slices aren't bad, 10 months ago it would have been the whole pizza!" and "Two slices! Why that's what normal people eat! I'm getting better!"
Does any of this make sense?
Sara
320/211/168
Yes it does, and I understand that, and I am willing to go back to my 1lb a week loss if that is what it takes to finish losing. I was talking to my best friend a little while ago and she pointed out what hopefully is my problem in the everlasting hunger. PMS!! My cycles are so off the wall and I forgot to write down the last one so I estimated when I think, and she thinks it was and counted from there, and it is about the right time for PMS to hit so....Hoping that is all that is wrong, and I won't stress too much cuz the eating has consistently gotten better over the last few days just not where it should be!! It will get back there though I am sure. I just have to be a little more aware of what I am eating and not eat as much, cuz I don't normally care much for pizza and 2-3 slices is it IF I eat any at all, but Sat I dang near ate a whole pizza, not at one sitting but still I kept going back to it over and over cuz all I wanted was pizza that day. STRANGE for me, so it must be PMS cravings. Ironicallly I get pg symtoms for PMS lol. Freaked me & Dh out for a long time til we realized what was going on, every 5 weeks we started worrying I was pg again til we realized that it was just PMS, and once I look at the past few days, all the symptoms are there so.........confusion is gone, I know the culprit and now I can work on it. I won't be completely on plan for at least a few more days though. Once this invasion of my body is over, I will reevaluate, and figure out what I need to do. I tend to get this idea in my head to drastically cut calories right before this time and it always fails, so maybe I need to wait til after this is over then try it and if I still can't go low enough to lose 2 lb/ week I will just have to be extremely happy to lose my 1 lb/week and not gain!! I can do that, I wish it was faster but I will take it however it comes!! My concentration is to get through this week without gaining!!!! From here on out I am going to have to concentrate on this one week every 6 to not gain!!!!
Angela
Angela
Hi Angela!
Glad I read your post just now. It reminded me that I needed to write down when I started yesterday. I think you and I have very similar PMS traits. I couldn't understand the other day why my back was achy and I was hungry constantly, no matter how much I had already eaten. And day before yesterday, I was in a really rotten mood. Not really mad at anyone in particular, just didn't feel "normal". Now I know what was going on and can hopefully deal with it better now that I've got the facts. I've been trying to lay off the salty foods 'cause they were causing me to retain water like crazy. Ankles swollen, the whole bit. I found some tortilla chips made with no salt and I eat a few of those with some salsa. I know, they still ahve fat and calories, but at least I can trick my taste buds into thinking I'm getting real "chips". I think over the last couple weeks, I've actually gained some weight back, so I'm going to need a big shove to get back on "the wagon". (and maybe a forklift :-D) Anyhow, I have my WW meeting tonight, so I can weigh in there. PMS is a real piece of work, ain't it?
Katherine
July Goal :
(((HUGS))) Sorry you are going through this, but you deserve to be commended for keeping on trying!
I know that you have struggled lately, and I've been there so many times myself, and I know how hard it is to jump back on when it seems like the wagon is rolling away from you downhill and gaining momentum. With so many other stressors and things going on in your life, it probably isn't going to be easy to get back on and STAY on, so maybe you could change your focus a little, at least for now? Instead of thinking deprivation and you have to eat only xxxx number of calories to lose, why don't you focus on how much you can eat every day without GAINING. Maybe for the next week or so you could make daily meal plans that are almost at the # of calories your body needs to maintain it's current weight. Maybe 2800 or 3000 calories? Then, when you give yourself license to eat without really worrying about calories, yuo take some of the focus off food and make it so much less stressful. Then, after you feel like you are more in control and your "appetite" is satisfied, then you can try gradually reducing your calories again. Yeah, you might not lose anything for a week or so whlie you are getting it figured out, but at least you aren't gaining more :).
One thing that really helps me keep from going completely overboard is to somewhat plan my meals for each day, but not be too set on them, so if something has to change I'm okay with it. I know you often have to choose fast food, but instead of telling yourself you CAN'T have this and that and then getting it anyway because it's forbidden, why not say, okay, I CAN have a cheeseburger OR french fries and I will have a salad or with it (or something healthier). Plus, I allow for myself to have a treat daily. If you tell yourself that you can eat 2 cookies EVERY day if you want to, you are probably going to be much less likely to eat half a bag in one sitting. Yeah, it might take a few days of eating 3 or 4 to settle down, but once you finally accept that you really CAN eat it if you really want it, it loses a lot of it's power over you.
I hope everything works out good for you, and don't worry too much if you can't jump back on the wagon just yet, just focus on maintaining. Try to make sure you are at least running beside the wagon so you don't have ANOTHER hill to climb when you finally are able to focus on losing your weight.
Staci
{{{{{hugs}}}}
I did better yesterday, so food wise it is getting better, I am just focusing on maintaining, cuz the things I ate those last few days well there was no way to lose I don' think. I went swimming yesterday, my mom took 2 of the kids and now I can relax a little. She would have taken all 3 but dd5 has swim lessons this week so she is going down there with my nephew Friday! Now I can relax before taking my test sat!! I will be okay now that I know what is wrong with me, I was freaking cuz I didn't know why I was so hungry!! Now I know, question is, is this going to go on for 1 or 2 weeks??? That is why I hate my body soooo bad!! Never know!
Thank all of you for your support!
Angela
Angela
Hi Angela,
Excellent news! I'm glad things are better for you today, and that you have a handle on some of the madness. PMS does suck, but at least now you know what you're dealing with... your body's only betraying you in a thoroughly normal way (huh?). And change, even very good change, is stressful, which doesn't help at the moment. But it's wonderful that you have your support system at home helping you through this time. Good luck with your test, and PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN, YOUNG LADY!
(And, oh, by the way, I predict there will be days at the office when you long for a conversation as sensible as your two-year-old's...)
Misha
I am afraid my vice isn't cookies but cupcakes and pies. And I read your post a little late to put it down. LOL I only ate 1 slice instead of the whole pie though, and I did swim for about 45 min today with dd5 helping her practice for swim lessons!! LOL
Angela
Angela