Still haven't gotten back up
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| Tue, 08-08-2006 - 2:15pm |
Well, I have been off the wagon for over a week now. I told myself I would start anew on Saturday- then Sunday, then Monday. I got up and went to the gym Monday morning, but this morning faked a headache so DH would let me go back to sleep. I figure there is no harm in being brutally honest. And when I am honest with msyelf I can't find an answer. I always start out well- loose 10 lbs or so- then get stuck. I know if I could get the ball moving I can stick to it-- but It is ridiculous to think I am plateauing at 10 lbs- Im just being lazy and can't figure out why. I am fighing the urge to be depressed about being lonley out here in CO, and missing my family- but DH is feeling the same way. The funny thing is- this is what we wanted- we prayed to have this time together- without anyone near- and now we want to change our minds. I am sitting here and it is only noon- I have already eaten everything I packed for the day, breakfast, morning snack,lunch, and late afternoon snack. I want to be healthy, and thin. I know that even though I have no health problems now- they are coming. I can feel heart disease falling on my shoulders. (my dad had a heart attack @ 45) I want to lose some weight to have a healthy pregnancy someday. I know I want all these things- and I thought I wanted them bad enough this time. I am usually a very ositive person- but I am in this funk I can't get out of. I wanted to lose 15 more pounds by the end of August- I do no see that happening now.
Anyway- thats about it-- a very long vent. Thanks for listening (reading) Hope you all have a good week.

As I was reading your post, I couldn't help but remember the not so distant past that I felt the same way. I hope that somehow you can muster up some enthusiasm about weight loss.
I know how you feel about wanting a healthy pregnancy. I lost my first child to stillbirth. The cause was unknown, but I after alot of research, I found out that being overweight increases your chance of stillbirth and other conplications. My second child was fine, except he weighted 12 pounds 1 oz at birth. He wasn't fat, just large. I attibute that to be so severely overweight during my pregnancy. Plus, while I was pregnant I didn't have any healthy eating habbits before hand so I ate everything. I mean I ate ALOT. So, if you can get the weight and eating lifestyle changed prior to a pregnancy, it can save you alot of pain, agony, heartache, guilt etc. Not to say you can't have a great pregnancy if you are overweight, but it's just easier if you aren't. And less risky.
Good luck to you. I hope you can find a way to get on track. You are soooooo worth being thin and healthy. I always say, I'm in here, I'm just hiding in my fat. Now my fat is melting away and I am finding the me that has been hiding for the past 5 years! It's amazing the difference in even my attitude. I feel better about myself already, after only 29 pounds. I think I feel better about myself that I am taking care of me finally.
Good luck sweetie!
Not only will you have a much healthier pregnancy, but, if you can get a grasp on those better eating habits, you will raise children with good eating habits, as well. That would be wonderful. That is one of my goals right now, in addition to my weight loss. I would like to have a good influence on my children's eating habits. What better start could I give them. Maybe then, they won't struggle in the future like we are now.
Christine
Hang in there! I'm sure we've all sat there wondering the same things as you. I can't tell you how many times I have started diets or healthy eating plans thinking "this time will be it". Obviously none of them really worked, or I wouldn't be here this time trying to lose at least 55 more lbs! I know I can't tell you what will make it all click for you, but for me it was having my DD. Wanting to lose weight before you get pregnant is a good goal, but an even better one is to start being healthy, even if you don't lose all the weight you want to. If you develop good eating and exercise habits and stick with them throughout your pregnancy, you are much less likely to have complications at a heavier weight than a "skinny" person who eats poorly and doesn't exercise. I was 245 when I got pregnant, 290.5 on the day I delivered, and I had no problems whatsoever (except swelling at the end). My blood pressure was excellent all the way through and everything else was normal. I contribute that to the fact that I was eating very healthily before becoming pregnant and I kept it up for the most part. I was also active, especially at the end. Those are the things that are important. I guess I'm just trying to tell you not to get down on yourself and don't give up! You know what I do if I feel like I need a day like you are having? I try to plan it. If you've read my journal, you've probably seen that I've planned some pretty high calorie days (3000!) and it's really worked for me. First of all, by the end of those days I am usually so sick of eating that it kills any urges I had int he first place :). Secondly, it gives me the opportunity to work in foods that wouldn't normally fit, if that's what I choose. If you try to plan for things like this (you could even do it twice a week with the right planning) then you don't get disappointed in yourself and it often kills that whole "I already screwed up so I'll start over tomorrow" mentality. Good luck and hang in there, it will get better and eventually everything wlil "click" for you!
Staci