Strangers Comments about being overweigh

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Strangers Comments about being overweigh
7
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 3:22pm

I just thought I would talk a little bit about hurtful comments that strangers make and to NOT let it affect our weight loss.

I had not experienced this before from a stranger. Of course, friends and family make comments about it, usually with the best of intentions. But the last thing we need to hear it from is strangers. I had a bad experience that almost made me eat a pizza(not allowed on my diet). But I stopped myself. Here's what happened:

I was at my weekly support group for survivors of domestic violence. A lady that was there mentioned her church while she was talking. It happened to be a church that I have been considering attending and possibly switching over to. So after group I approached her to ask her questions about it. She kept looking me up and down, and then made a comment to me that was very hurtful. She said, "I would recomend somone like you attending that church." Being a devout Christian and very strong in my faith, I questioned what she could have possibly meant by that. She said, "Well being very large like yourself and single, it probably wouldn't be very good for you. They don't like single people in the regular bible study groups and they probably won't welcome you into the singles group. Plus, they don't really like to have lower income people there". LOWER INCOME? I'm glad she told me I was low income, because it's NEWS TO ME!!! I am FAR from low income and I was dressed nice, so I just didn't understand whhere the heck THAT came from? Plus, I didn't know that the Lord cared!

I could NOT BELIEVE MY EARS!! I happen to know many people that attend that church, some of which are just as overweight as myself and they love the church and encouraged me to join. But for the rest of night all I could think about is how ugly she must see me as and how I'm not even worthy of the Lord's love etc. I nearly threw in the towel. But I didn't. I just reminded myself that it was probably Satan trying to set me back AND keep from a great church.

Not only did she NOT set me back, but through other's that I know from that church, it is not the way she described at all. She's a nutcase I think.

Anyone else ever experience such a thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 4:56pm

That woman is a churchgoer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 5:16pm

You go! I agree. And you know what? I was so taken aback by it, I never even THOUGHT to throw the poor carpenter thing in her face. Oh well, the lord would want me to pray for her, not get in her face. And lord knows, I can get in someone's face if prompted. LOL

Honestly, I think she's fruity. And at first I felt it to be representative of the church, but I don't. I think she's a one of a kind. But it still is agravating me about the low income thing. I'm not, but WHO CARES if I WERE? I don't choose my friends based on their financial statement and I never will. Terrible.

Anyway, thanks for putting your two cents in! I think it's terrible when perfect strangers think they have to point out the obvious about my weight. Like I don't have to look in the mirror in horror every morning already? It makes me not even want to go anywhere!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:13pm

First off, you probably know considerably more than I do about victims of domestic violence, but what I do know is that some people survive but don't move beyond. She probably feels ugly herself and feels better if she sees herself as a few pegs above someone else. You were just an easy target, and frankly she deserves our pity and prayers. (Also, please don't judge the church based on one person.)

Second, there are plenty of fat bigots in this world. We're super-sensitive and politically correct around all but a few groups in this country. (I'm part of three of the easy targets: white, Catholic, and fat.) Anyway, no one else can make me feel bad about myself--only I can and I refuse to let my size define me. In the meantime, one of my goals is to look more kindly toward overweight people. It's so easy to fall into a trap of: "Ooh, is she fatter than me?" NOw when I see a heavy woman I think "that could be one of the cool people from the board."

Hang in there girl!
Annie

A
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 10:41pm
You know, I think a word might with her pastor might be in order (without naming names).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:45pm

i woulda knocked her out... JESUS himself would have had to come down to shut my mouth . LOL

maybe you should join a pentecostal church ....LORD knows we are all fat...jkjk, no im not... yes i am... not

lol

can we say "Jesus" on this board?

tosh

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 2:07pm
Girl, the first thing that come to mind is "This Chick must be from another planet."
Do what your heart wants to do. If you want to attend this specific church, do it. Always take the highest road. She obviously has issues, don't take her issues onto yourself. Just take care of you. Just remember those words have already been said, do not rehearse them in your mind over and over.
Being a victim of abuse I found great strength in the quote:
He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me- in those who harbor such thoughts hatred will never cease. In those who do not harbor such thoughts hatred will cease.
I understand this as when you do not reminding yourself or reflect on painful experiences you do not add fuel to the fire hence the fire goes out.
When something like this happens to me I just immediatly feel everyone who has had this painful expierence and send out love and compassion for those people and the pain they have felt. It doesn't get stuck then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 2:39pm

Two (most-un-Christian) words to her: