I cheated (rant, kinda)
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I cheated (rant, kinda)
| Tue, 09-12-2006 - 12:12pm |
I feel so crummy. This is the first time since I started my diet that I cheated, I absolutely had to have the bagel. There is this bagel shop here that is amazing but so f***ing bad for you. I was totally trying to justify it to myself the entire time thinking "After all the f***ing hours at work, all the sh*t that happened this weekend and stalker cops to boot, you deserve a f***ing bagel" (yes I do swear that much when I talk to myself). So I ate it, and it was good, really good, but now I feel like I just let myself down. I think it was Punchinello that said, "If I can't fly I might as well die." I should have had 2. I need a cigarrette. I need to do something, I am so tired, I miss sleep, I need to sleep, I am weak. I actually fell over yesterday, I haven't slept since stalker cops started showing up and yesterday I was so tired, just completely useless wiped out I just passed out at work, right in the middle of a conversation going blah blah blah, BAM! I woke up with a paramedic staring at me, creepy. Funny thing though, still couldn't sleep last night. If I wasn't so sensitive to drugs I would have talked to the doctor by now but everytime I go they want to give me a pill, oh you have a cough, take a pill, oh you can't sleep, take a pill, oh you think you are losing your mind, here have another pill. F***ing vampires, all they want to do is steal blood and give pills. I just feel, empty, done, like there's nothing I can do. I need a cigarrette, and chocolate, no, just a cigarrette. (and the chocolate) see what I mean, useless, and light headed, no, dizzy, I can't breathe, I need a smoke.

First of all one bagel is not going to kill you.. in fact when I get an urge like that I would usually just have the bagel instead of eating a million other things then ending up having the bagel. So.. now it's out of your system.. it's time to focus again.
I wasn't going to say anything until I'm finished with it.. but here goes: I'm stopping smoking too (not really quitting cuz I'll still smoke on vacations).. and I KNOW what you're going through.. I"m not going cold turkey though.. I've had 2 cigarettes on Sunday but nothing since then. If I go crazy I'll have another one today or tomorrow. Sometimes it's psychological.. you know that you can't have a cigarette so you want to have a cigarette.. this is why I tell myself I can have it and for some strange reason I just don't. I know this won't work for everybody though..
Hang in there! You can make it