I don't know what to do
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I don't know what to do
| Sun, 09-17-2006 - 1:38am |
I haven't posted in a few days, but I managed to have a few really crummy days. And some good ones (figure that one out).
On the good side, I managed to lose 2 inches on my waist, and my favorite jeans are falling off, I can now remove them without unbuttoning, that's good. I met new man-candy a Marine who is so sweet, and is 14 years younger than the ex, which means he's only 6 years older than me (I know, I go for older guys, hey, I'm still young so I can).
On the bad side...OK here goes. Somebody slipped something in my drink (at least I think they did, I left it on the bar and came back, it tasted like sh*t, like salty, and I don't remember anything after about 15 mins. I drink way too much to be that drunk after 2 beers) I don't know how I got home, I have more bruises than I can count, and a cop won't stop calling me. I know you aren't supposed to be scared of cops, but I've been phobic since I was a kid, and that's not something you just get over because they are trying to help you. The resident coke dealer at the bar however warned me not to talk to the cops. So I don't know what to do now. How do you just get over it and let it go? How do you get back to sleep at night? I haven't slept, I miss sleep. On the plus side I've been so -sickened by the whole thing that I can't even eat anymore. So that's another plus I suppose. But at what cost? Do I say anything and risk getting hurt, or do I not say anything and let it happen to someone else. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. For such a small island there sure seems to be an overabundance of drama, I just want to stay out of the whole thing and suddenly it falls into my lap. I don't do drama very well, I tend to panic. So am I panicing or am I just being normal? Do I let it go or do I tell someone? I wish I had someone here I could talk to, but I don't want this to get around, and it would. I just want to curl up and die, but I can't. My cousin committed suicide when we were 16 and I was so pissed off that I couldn't do that to anyone I cared about, but it would be so much easier...but I've never done anything the easy way before.
I guess I should just look at the positive. I lost 2 inches, if I've lost a little pride over my stupidity maybe it's the price you pay.
Sorry about dropping all this on you guys, I know you don't need to hear that sh*t but I had to blab to someone.
-Charley
On the good side, I managed to lose 2 inches on my waist, and my favorite jeans are falling off, I can now remove them without unbuttoning, that's good. I met new man-candy a Marine who is so sweet, and is 14 years younger than the ex, which means he's only 6 years older than me (I know, I go for older guys, hey, I'm still young so I can).
On the bad side...OK here goes. Somebody slipped something in my drink (at least I think they did, I left it on the bar and came back, it tasted like sh*t, like salty, and I don't remember anything after about 15 mins. I drink way too much to be that drunk after 2 beers) I don't know how I got home, I have more bruises than I can count, and a cop won't stop calling me. I know you aren't supposed to be scared of cops, but I've been phobic since I was a kid, and that's not something you just get over because they are trying to help you. The resident coke dealer at the bar however warned me not to talk to the cops. So I don't know what to do now. How do you just get over it and let it go? How do you get back to sleep at night? I haven't slept, I miss sleep. On the plus side I've been so -sickened by the whole thing that I can't even eat anymore. So that's another plus I suppose. But at what cost? Do I say anything and risk getting hurt, or do I not say anything and let it happen to someone else. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. For such a small island there sure seems to be an overabundance of drama, I just want to stay out of the whole thing and suddenly it falls into my lap. I don't do drama very well, I tend to panic. So am I panicing or am I just being normal? Do I let it go or do I tell someone? I wish I had someone here I could talk to, but I don't want this to get around, and it would. I just want to curl up and die, but I can't. My cousin committed suicide when we were 16 and I was so pissed off that I couldn't do that to anyone I cared about, but it would be so much easier...but I've never done anything the easy way before.
I guess I should just look at the positive. I lost 2 inches, if I've lost a little pride over my stupidity maybe it's the price you pay.
Sorry about dropping all this on you guys, I know you don't need to hear that sh*t but I had to blab to someone.
-Charley
Signatures On
| Sun, 09-17-2006 - 10:44am |
Ah Charley, I don't want to sound like I'm your mom, but if you really want things to change YOU have to make it happen. If I were you I'd start a journal and start writing down things about what I'd like my life to be like in one place and in another I'd write down what was screwed up and has to change. Then start a list of dos and don'ts and stick to it. Somebody might have slipped you something and done something nasty to you, and no you didn't deserve it if that's so and didn't ask for it. But it is in your control to never let that happen again! Maybe the resident coke dealer isn't the best company to keep? If you don't want to call the cops then at least keep yourself out of the bar where it all went down. I'm feeling like I want to ground you, young lady. Seriously though, take better care of yourself. Annie
| Mon, 09-18-2006 - 9:07am |
Charley this is very serious.. the least you could do is avoid this place at all costs.. but if I were you I would report it.. no need for someone else to get hurt. But it would take a lot of courage though and if you feel you're not ready then don't pressure yourself. {{{hugs}}}



