Food is winning this week...TMI warning!
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| Fri, 10-13-2006 - 2:11pm |
Uggghhh- I was on such a high on Sunday after completing the 5K- I have plummetted. All I have done this week is reward myself for my accomplishment with food! I have had McDonald's, Wendy's. Chipoltle, Jason's Deli, cookies, lots of wine, and I want more. This morning I was nauseous all morning- and a co-worker asked if I was pregnant-- I was like- No I think it is just all the crap I have been feeding myself!
I loved the feeling i had knowing I could run that race- but I am sabatoging myself this week. And I know it! I have been a bit depressed because I just found out my cousin (who is like my sister) is pregnant- completely unexpectedly. That is anot baby i am going to miss out on being a great "Aunt" to because I just live to stinking far away. (Also the little green jealousy monster almost had me convincing my husband we needed to start trying)
I have not wanted to be intimate with my husband for a few weeks - hello we are newlyweds- this should not be a problem yet - but a month or so ago I caught a glimpse of myself in the TV while we were..you know... and all I could think of was how awful I looked, and how much like a big blob of lard i resembled. He tells me I am beautiful, but I know you know what i mean.
I know I want this so badly. I am so done being the fat girl. I can see the skinny me in my head- and I want that! I want to be healthy and not worry about heart disease. I have got to get back on track!! AHHHHHH- thanks for reading my vent.

((((((HUGS))))))
Angela
OK, now it's out of your system, right? The vent AND the post-victory binge? Good! I am so sorry that you've had these feelings to deal with, and wish the best for you from now forward. If the woman who ran that 5K has decided she's done being the fat girl, well, my money's on her.
Sidebar: My beloved, adored nieces and nephews (4 of the little devils!) are just far enough away that I can't visit often. But they still LOVE their Aunt Misha... and it's not totally "cupboard love" (although I admit the gifts don't tarnish my image). But mainly, I just keep in touch with what's going on in their lives, and send small funny things or notes, or sing on the answering machine, or whatever. It's not the same as a big ole smooshy hug, and works better when they're a little older, but don't write yourself out of the babies' lives just because you're stuck in Colorado.
Hmmm, Colorado, isn't that the place where people choose to go for vacation, and buy property when they hit the lottery? Must be pretty nasty... compared to dazzling Baltimore, LOL...
Misha
Oh, yes, the TMI part. I go through this A LOT, although not a newlywed (been with my BF around 12 years). Bad attitude and horrible self-consciousness on my part, for whatever reason. My advice: BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE TELLS YOU YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. You are, and when you feel it too, even a little bit, life is much improved for both of you.
And I know you're a dedicated runner now, but have you thought about a sideline in bellydancing? Really good stuff, I promise!
Misha
So.. are you back on track yet? I tend to do the same thing to myself.. the self-sabotage thing.. I meet a goal then have a celebration and start sneaking in a little treat here and a little treat there because afterall I 'deserve it'. It's a viscous cycle but once you're on to what you're doing (and it's great that you are) it boils down to forcing yourself to stop. Latterly. And knowing you, you can really do it.. you have the determination and self discipline to do it.. hey you ran a 5K.. what's more proof than that?
For the TMI thing, it also happens to me too.. but like Misha said.. believe him when he tells you you're beautiful. Is he overweight? What if he gains weight will you still think he's not beautiful?
Kelli,
I hope that you are way past these bummed out feelings by now, but if not I'll chime in. I'm no sage, but I do know that most of life is ebb and flow. If things were always gelling and perking along as we wanted we probably wouldn't appreciate how good we had it. (BTW, this applies to eh, hem..."relations" with DH too. We've been married for 13+ yrs and breaks are not necessarily bad. Trust me--when your break is over you'll be outdoing yourselves again. ;-D )
One added perk of this board is that it's a record of your own words. Why don't you go back to some of your previous posts? You've written some truly inspirational words here, Kelli. Go back and listen to the person who knows you best. Hang in there sweetie. Annie