Need Support - Desperate!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Need Support - Desperate!
7
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 4:01pm
Hi There,
I am in need of serious advice/support/help. I am 35, 5'3" & currently weigh 370lbs. I have been heavy most of my life, & have lost over 100lbs several times only to regain that & even more. But now I am scared. I am heavier than ever, & this time cannot even find the morivation to get started. I have come to realize I am a food addict/compulsive eater, & when I am not eating I am usually thinking about it. Thats the sad truth. I even amaze myself at the quantities I eat, usually in private of course. I have tried every program, plan, pill - you name it. I go strong at first then give up. BUt now I am starting to have real health issues. My blood pressure is up, my knees, hips, & joints in general hurt terribly when I stand up or even after walking or standing for just a few minutes. I cannot bend over, am always out of breath, and am starting to have toruble just moving arouns in general. I am very hevay up top, but also tend to carry a LOT of weight in my stomach. I look like I have a huge inflated beach ball in front of me, but then the bottom of my stomach is now so heavy & dense it is hanging about mid-thigh. Ive purchased tools, etc to help with reaching, cleaning, etc., but the embarrassing truth is I cannot even lift my belly "apron" anymore to clean. I have tp lay on the bed on my side to allow my belly to spread out to clean. When I walk it swings & weighs heavily on my thighs. Chairs with arms, booths, even a lot of seatbelts, are out of the question. My breathing has gotten horrible - Im even out of breath from turning iover in bed, as task that admitedly is getting more & more difficult. Standing up is a long process now, as I have to literally rock to gain even momentum to heave myself up & then I have to make sure I have something to grab onto, or my belly starts swining & my balance gets thrown off. I am only telling all of this because I need to admit to someone how bad things really are, & to hopefully find someone out there who has been this heavy or who can relate to where I am now. My stretchmarks on my stomach have even started to tear in some places. I have always been very active & socially involved, but now all I seem to feel up to doing is laying in bed, propped up on pillows, eating. Even walking kills my knees & send my back into an almost immediate spasm. I know what I am doing to myself, but I cannot seem to get any control back. I am literally eating myself to death, getting bigger all the time, and feel like I cannot stop. I work still, & at 35 & being single cannot really afford not to, but just doing my daily tasks are getting harder. My boss already had to get me an armless office chair, & now just getting to the car or back leaves me totally exhausted. I cannot breathe if I even try to lay flat on my back. I am too young to die, but I feel like at 35 I am suffocating under all this fat, while only getting fatter all the time. Admitedly I eat enough for 3-4 at most meals, & then snack constantly, snakcs sometimes beng as much as entire pizzas or ice cream pints. And my body, especially my stomach, is just getting heavier, bigger, & more difficult to even move arounf. I am scared. Can anyone identify?? I feel totally alone. I am embarrassed, ashamed & feel pretty hopeless. I have gone into a bad depression, something I am prone to anyway, & that hasnt helped. Yes, I am on meds for that now. My insurance wont cover weight loss surgery, but that scares me anyway. But I know I cannot live much longer like this. Just getting through an entire day is a huge battle. Im tired of being stared at, laughed at, pointed at - scared of not fitting, of my stomach knocking things over, of walking many feet behind everyone else. I just dont seem to have a place anymore & I am desperate. I look in the full length mirror & see rolls & fold covering every inch of my body. But yet, even writing this, Im shoviung my fourth Twinkie in my mouth. Please please tell me someone out there understands & can relate. Is there REALLY any hope? Please let me hear from you if you can relate - I just need to know I am not alone out here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 4:23pm

Hi there:

Welcome to the board.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 6:25pm

My first suggestion would be to have your doctor check you out, advise a plan for you. when you get the okay, check out the different plans and find one that will work for you. get your doctors advice on exercise as well.

come here and post often, we can support. you will need all the help and support you can get and don't be afraid to ask for whatever you need.

good luck

Sue
302/137/168

Sue

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 6:31pm

Aw, sweetie, you can do this!

I can relate to the food addiction problem. Some days I feel strong, and some days I feel like I just have to eat something, anything that will fill me up. It's really a daily battle, and we have to accept that fact.

I'm 48 years old, have been heavy ALL my life, and am 5'0" and 237 lbs. I've tried so many times to take this weight off, even once succeeding in getting down to 136, but then I gained it all back. And now I'm trying again because I'm getting to the age where diabetes, heart disease and arthitis (I only have the last one, thank goodness) can begin to ruin my life. I still have a lot I want to do in this life, and I'm not going to give up!

The first step for me was getting on an anti-depressant medication. You say you are on one, but is the dosage high enough? You still seem depressed. Talk to your doctor. I've had good experience with Prozac with little to no side effects. Second, get your thyroid checked. Mine has been "out of whack" for most of my life and I still struggle to find a dose that works for me. I'm seeing an endocrinologist now, and she says I must take the medication on an empty stomach and wait one hour before eating. Which I am trying faithfully to do.

Next you need a good "diet". I rememind myself every day that this isn't something I'll be able to go off of one day; I have to eat this way for the rest of my life. That can be kind of hard to accept, but I try to look at it as if I had diabetes: I would have to control my blood sugar or die, so I'm just doing it now, before it gets too out of control. Go on a healthy diet that doesn't eliminate any food groups or specific food. Your weight is so high right now that you should be able to lose weight on a relatively high-calorie diet, like 1600-1800 a day. My dh and I are on "diabetic" diets, he's on 1800 calories/day and I'm on 1200. It's a well-rounded diet that lets us eat pretty much anything in moderation. Except sugar. Get rid of all the sugary snacks in your house; they are playing havoc with your insulin levels and other hormones. Switch to whole wheat breads and limit your serving size of pasta. I am the Pasta Queen, I could live on the stuff, and it's been a real eye-opener to me that I can live with just a one-cup serving. For sweets we have sugar-free jello and puddings, bananas and other fresh fruit.

Next comes exercise. You are not in any position to jog or do strenuous exercise, but things like stretching and lifting light weights can be an excellent start and will keep you mobile. When you've lost some, add walking for a few minutes at a time and then work up to more. Aqua aerobics is an excellent exercise for the very obese; my physical therapist told me years ago that if you exercise in water you relieve 50-90 percent of the pressure on your lower joints. It feels good and it's so fun too! That might be a goal to set for when the weather warms up again. You can lose a lot of weight before then! Or if you have access to an indoor pool, go for it!

This is, literally, a heavy burden that we have to bear; food addiction is even more difficult to control than drug addiction, imo. We have to walk the fine line between nourishing our bodies and harming them. It's not easy, but it IS possible. We can do it together, one day at a time. We all need encouragement, often, so please keep us posted.

BTW, I was on this board years ago but things got a little...tense between several of the posters. I'm hoping that this is now a supportive weightloss community.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:38pm

First of all, welcome to the board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 9:16am
I am still struggling to figure all this out myself so all I can do is say welcome aboard and best of luck to you.

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Angela







 

Angela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 9:23am
Dawn, welcome to the board. Everyone on this board can relate to your situation one way or another. It is so easy to let hopelessness take you over, but please don't give up. Think about the times you've been successful in the past and remember how great it felt when you got a little more active and a little more focused on diet. Each step is important and will help you feel better. I know it's overwhelming, but ignoring it won't change it. You made a great first step coming here. I think you got some great advice to check with your doctor, but in the meantime I know you can get started and begin feeling better. All the best, Annie
A
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 4:52pm
I just wanted to welcome you to the board. I hope I can help you on your journey. Just take one day at a time and make small changes that will last. Best wishes and good luck. Cyndi